Twitch
In retrospect, Xander realizes he never should have mocked Spike. Especially a Spike in love. He was a dark dreary thing when in love. Obsessive, possessive, compulsive. Xander recognizes the babbling tactic as his own. Spike steps closer, so intent, eyes gleaming an icy blue, mouth that lowers with oncoming fangs.
No, he never should have mocked Spike. He´s too late to learn his lesson.
"Xander..."
He´s a dumb boy. A dumb boy who he dreams about, who he follows, who he fucking worships the ground he walks on. He wants him, yeah. One day this dumb boy will realize what a strong man he can be. Because he needs someone, to watch him, to protect him, to care for him.
He´s following him tonight. He´s watching as he stops to talk to a man, bright checkered shirt, huge smile, pat on the back, tally ho and all that. His boy takes chances, with his head down, eyes on his feet.
Spike will teach him though. Teach him not to take chances.
He knows when Xander is ready. It"s an organic sizzle that goes up his spine when he catches Xander´s eye today. It"s a buzz that burns with a heady, musky smell that makes him twitch and shiver all over.
When he steps towards the door, Xander swings it open, stepping forward and then stopping.
As Spike steps forward he catches the look on Xander´s face. He loves that look, that expectant-mocking look. A vampire´s look. And when he slams Xander unconscious, it"s better than killing again.
They look for him. But he´s gone. Brand-new apartment deserted and the chili lights are still around the bar. Anya is devastated. Slayerettes are confused.
It"s only days later when they ask.
"Where´s Spike?"
When he wakes he screams. A cool hand covers his mouth for him. He peeks his eyes open, sees Spike. Eyes clear and blue. Happy gaze. He wants to bite, to get that fucking hand off his mouth. But he stops. His mind supplying him with vampire turn-on alert.
He wonders about the brightness, when Spike moves his hand away. Steps back. Xander, vaguely realizing bed. He tries to get up, but can´t. Brief panic for seconds. He´s tied, to a bed. And all he can think is, this is new.
Spike liked to drive. He stuffed Xander in the car he had taken and driven. East. L.A. was bad, and he wanted to get out of California. Who knew how powerful Willow had gotten. Things to worry about. Responsibility. Killing was wonderful. He killed the couple who had lived in the house. Throwing Xander on the bed and tying him. Resisting temptation. Looked in the fridge. Soy shit, no junk food. Xander´s not gonna like that.
He´ll get used to it.
He will.
He watches Spike as he steps back.
"What did you do?" comes out and suddenly he´s angry. He should have been earlier he knows but, shock his mind, it"s working again.
"You´ll get used to it."
"To what?"
"To being with me." Spike turns, revealing a burning cigarette and a deadly sharp profile.
"No."
"You´ll get used to it. You´ll love me, like I love you."
"You´ll see..."
In the car. To the grocery. Kills the clerk, takes what he wants. Leaves.
He decides he hates this town. Too small. People will notice.
He needs a city.
Xander wakes and this time he´s in a car. Still tied, hands and feet. The blaring music hurts his head, and he groans. The music dims.
"They´ll find me. They´ll figure it out."
"Sure they will, precious."
"You make me sick."
"But you like it, don´t you? You want someone to want you, to care for you. Don´t you, Xander?"
"If you even think you can be that...thing for me. You hurt your head more than mine."
"Wut? Cause´ I´m a vampire?"
"´Cause you´d kill me without a second glance."
"What are you, Dr. Bloody Phil? I can be a good man for you. I could...I can."
"You should have started in Sunnydale. Before you bashed my head in. BEFORE you took me away from my life."
"Are you hungry then?"
"I´m going to vomit."
"Not in this new Lexus I pilfered you"re not. I like these new cars, you know? Leather seats, nicely tinted windows."
"You murdered them, didn´t you? How many people have you killed since the Road Trip from Hell began?"
A glance. A dark smirk. Do you really want to know?
"Get out."
Xander looks up. Eyes narrowed, chin up.
"I´ll be happy to grab you anywhere. If that´ll convince you."
"You have to untie my feet, asshole."
Spike looks...sheepish, for a moment.
Shiny pocket knife glints dangerously. Spike´s hand on his leg, stroking as he makes bit of the rope. Blue, blue ice eyes sparkle at him. Knife disappears to wherever little knives go. But Spike lingers. Always fucking lingering.
Xander twitches.
They are in a restaurant. Xander is untied. But he knows he can´t run. Spike is clever enough. More clever than Xander.
"What would you like to drink?"
Xander is silent, staring into space.
"He´ll have a coke. House tap for me, love."
"You need a shower, getting a bit wiffy there, pet."
"When Buffy finds you, I hope she hands you off to Willow. Maybe Giles."
Spike grins. He´ll stop talking about them soon.
Hotel room. He looks around. Bed. Xander twitches again.
"I need to use the bathroom." Spike´s eyes narrow at him. He walks to the bathroom, inspects it. Turns around with a sweeping gesture.
"Go on. Take a shower while you"re at it."
Xander slams the door in his face.
Quiet.
Spike is not patient. He´s persistent, goal oriented, obsessive. Not so much with the good signs.
His face shows his fright. Eyes wide, lips turned in a frown. He tries to change it. But he can´t.
What does he want?
Him. He knows that. But, why. Why. He´s got nothing. Buffy, he could see.
He wishes he had a watch. Or a calendar. What day is it?
Spike likes to smoke. Makes him feel alive. Which is odd, cause it kills. Smoking kills. Puffs in, blows out. Like being alive.
He knows Xander will fight, but he´s in shock. Scared. He´ll get out of it. Shock, anger, acceptance. It"s the pattern. A victim´s pattern.
Contemplates getting room service.
He´s tired. Close to tears. Needs a good drink. Looks for something sharp. Contemplates choking himself, but that´s too loud. Spike´ll hear, hear him. Holds back a sob. Roughly pulls his pants back on, struggling with his too-damp legs. Falls to his knees and looks up. Mirror.
Spike hears it. Shattering. Forces the handle and sees him, Xander, on his knees, glass around him. Like an angel. Xander digs the glass closer to his wrist, and Spike twitches.
"Don´t come closer. You think I won´t?"
Spike stares, eyes dangerously narrowed.
"You think I won´t? I will, you bastard. I WILL."
"I´m much faster, Xander. You want to be dazed for a couple days, luv? I could do anything to you."
Xander hangs his head again. A sob comes out, his hand looses and he drops the glass.
"I want to go home." Mumbled into Spike´s shirt as he picks him up. He smells of chocolate.
In the car again. Paid for the damages. Xander hasn´t spoken. Hands tied again. Untrustworthy. Xander snorts at that.
Eyes flickering around him. Girl at counter inside though. Spike pumping gas. Man in Volvo in front of him. Woman with the large tattooed trucker. Tries to catch the man´s eye.
"What the fuck are you doing?"
"Nothing."
Disappearing behind a cloud of dust.
"I wonder what they think happened to me. Suicide. Or they figured it out. But who suspects. Innocent defanged vampire kidnapping harmless young boy. For homosexual fun, of course."
"Of course."
"How did you get it out?"
Sideways glance, malicious smirk.
"Who says I got it out?"
He hates him. Turns to look out the window. More nothing. Dark, dark...darkness.
"What are you going to do? There´s only so far you can drive."
"Maybe I just want someone."
Darkness.
Spike was in the basement when he first discovered Xander. Sitting in his shitty chair flipping through a magazine he had found. Xander doing something at the table.
Hair over his eyes, hands splayed across a book. He reads is all he could think.
He loved to follow him the most. He´ll miss the days when he got to observe. Watch the boy trip over his own feet, down a sidewalk, or stop to buy a magazine he can´t afford.
It was always dark, dark looks good on Xander. Shadows adding depth and angles on an otherwise baby-soft face.
They didn´t deserve him, you know? They didn´t. And they are paying for it now.
When he finds out through the grapevine (Willy) that they are looking for him. He knows they know. But they´ll never find the boy.
A hamburger, fries and a coke. Spike knows he´s going to have to settle down somewhere. He needs a home; he needs a good meal. His own thoughts make him smile, caring for someone again.
But Xander hasn´t spoken for hours now, staring at his hands or out the window.
When he kills another man at the gas station, he sees Xander turned away, lip between his teeth and eyes squeezed shut. He´ll get used to it. Spike stuffs the man in the garbage.
He´ll get used to it.
New Orleans. God knows how many days it"s been. Xander carefully steps out of the car. Eye to eye with a monster. Spike, an arm around his shoulder, leads him down the street.
Xander is more than a little out of his element. He´s not used to not speaking for so long. Makes his throat sore, but he can´t. He can´t.
He passes a man who smiles gently at him. Xander stares and turns his head to follow him with his eyes.
"What do you think?"
Surveying the house.
"Did you kill the owner?"
"No dimwit, I bought it." Proud smile. "I invested in Coke back in the day." Blank look.
"Well, I´m well off. Just needed to settle down. You´ll like it here." Another blank stare.
"All the windows are boarded up."
"Vampire."
"I´m not." Glance. "Or did you forget?"
"How could I forget?"
"Where am I gonna sleep?"
"With me."
"No."
"You think I´m gonna trust you not to sneak in and try and kill me?"
"I´m not letting you touch me. Never."
"We´ll see."
"You actually think I´m gonna let you fuck me, don´t you?"
"We´ll see."
"You touch me, and I´ll kill myself."
"I´d turn you." Silence. "You sleep with me."
He doesn´t sleep. Eyes open, hands and feet tied, curled into a ball. He can feel him, lying beside him. NOT breathing.
Wakes up to a soft stroking. Tries to bat the hand away. Hands are tied. Sits up in alarm. He practically growls at the smirking Spike, and scoots up towards the headboard.
"You got some rest then?" Hand resting on his leg. Spike has the ugliest rings in the world.
Willow missed Xander. Buffy insisted she´d find him - them. And they will kill Spike. But she doesn´t know how long its been, or what day it is. Just that Xander is gone.
Giles says no, he´s not dead. Spike wouldn´t kill Xander. He took him for a reason and it wasn´t to kill him. A darkness in his eyes says he knows the reason.
They go to his apartment. Anya left convinced she would find Xander on her own. They search it. Look for anything, pack up boxes of his beloved junk, and secretly stick things in their pockets. To remember. In case.
Willy gets a black eye and he squints as he leads them to Spike´s crypt. They wonder how they missed this. Willy says he delivered Spike his blood and "Can he go now?" Yes. They stare in shock. "How did we miss this?"
They carry pictures and clothes back in plastic bags. Quiet.
"How did we miss this?" Willow asking.
"I don´t know." Giles rubbing under his lens. So British. Buffy is trying to distract herself. Giles is British. Willow has red hair. Xander is getting raped-
It didn´t work.
She picks up one of the pictures Spike took. He was in my house. He took my memories from me. He took my Xander.
"Buffy?" she looks up to see Willow´s bloodshot eyes. Staring at her.
"Sorry, I´m listening now."
Xander hates the house. The portraits stare at him, and he´s scared enough as it is. The chairs and couches are full of dust and the house smells of moist...moistness. Musty is a word to describe that. He finds a window that has not been boarded up and looks behind him. Where are you gonna go? No money, no clue. He just needs more time.
Spike comes from behind him and slams him into the wall. Eyebrow raised, arms resting on the wall behind him.
Boxed in.
"Going somewhere?"
"Needed some fresh air."
"Let"s take a walk then."
Lead away.
Spike watched Xander closely.
"What are you doing?"
Xander looked up, startled. Lip biting again. Spike resisted urges.
"What?"
"You"re just sitting there. Turn on the fuckin´ telly or something."
"No, I´d rather sit." Spike growled and went back to his book.
"So this is what my life is gonna be like?" Watched as Xander walked to the fireplace.
"Thought you wanted to sit?"
Glance with heat.
"You"re a homicidal maniac, you know that, right?" Pace to the window. Pace back.
"And I´m at peace with that."
"You"re not even doing anything. With me-to me."
"You want me to?"
"No. No." Silence, then, "why did you take me, then? Oh yeah, you"re in love with me." Flopping back in the chair. "How´s that going for you?"
"Going strong now." Putting his book aside, arms behind his head, smirk in place, and legs apart. Xander turned his head at the movement, and then turned back quickly.
Glance back.
Spike smirked.
Too bright lights, brand names. Something Xander could recognize at least. Homey. A grocery store.
Took a breath in. Closed his eyes and could almost imagine. Just a normal day in Sunnydale.
"Come on twit, we came here for a reason."
Oh, wait.
Spike knows he´ll break. He just has to be patient, and entertain himself in the meantime.
Takes a long lovely tasting drag of his cigarette. Watches Xander through half-mast eyes. He took him to a bookstore today. He got a notebook.
He´s been writing in it constantly.
He resists taking it from him; after all he had to get Xander to trust him.
Can´t take away the boy´s toys.
The notebook had reminded him of the old Sunnydale High library. Of Giles. Beautiful caramel soft leather, musty smell. He was surprised when Spike let him have it, bought it for him even.
He wrote down lists. "Ways to kill a Vampire." "Different words for the smell of this house." "Why I hate Spike." "What I miss."
He hid the journal under his pillow.
"Things he never wanted to know about Spike."
1. Spike bit his nails.
2. He like Lays sour cream and onion.
3. Loved Johnny Cash.
4. Thought Al Pacino in "The Godfather" was a wussy.
5. Loved Xander.
Xander spent Spike´s money on books when he let him. Books on the occult, New Orleans. Books on Rock and Roll and drugs. He read them during the night.
It annoyed Spike.
Xander didn´t want Spike, before. In Sunnydale. He was curious. Spike is an entity.
Living with him for so long it"s like he could figure him out. Something to puzzle out. He was wrong, but sometimes you have to know.
Spike gave you the impression that he was honest. He dug into your insecurities and picked at random. But that was different. Honest is Anya. Spike is perceptive.
Spike is untrustworthy.
Spike wouldn´t answer his questions. He would smirk on a good day. On a bad day he would get stormy and impatient with Xander.
Those were the longest days for Xander. When he would yell, and Xander wouldn´t talk for hours.
He hated those days, when Spike was so dangerous. Xander couldn´t rely on that ´love´ that Spike had on those days.
He missed Sunnydale the most on those days.
Spike´s favorite picture of Xander was in his inside pocket of his duster.
Xander is looking away facing someone. Small shy smile, and lowered smoky eyes. Spike wants to beg for that look.
He wants Xander. He knew Xander was curious in Sunnydale.
Those close quarters of that squalid little basement. When all there was, was dusky glances. Banter that illuminated Xander´s face. Never more beautiful than when using language.
But he´ll make do with this Xander. He loves Xander, and he´ll get used to it.
This is a bad day. Xander knows because Spike is drinking. Xander makes sure he doesn´t annoy Spike today. But Spike is watching Xander. Scrutinizing his movements.
Xander keeps his eyes on his book.
"What do you write in that stupid lil´ book?" Quick nervous look up.
"Nothing important."
"Really?" Smooth glide over to where Xander is sitting. Spike leaning towards his face. Xander flinches as Spike gets so close. Reaches out and barely touches his face, before Xander gets up. Chair skidding back, and he´s hurrying away. Journal forgotten.
"You can´t run away from me forever. I´m all you have."
"That´s not true."
"How long will it have to be, till you realize they´ve given up on you?"
"They wouldn´t." Slight stutter, and teary voice.
"They´ve given up. And I´m all you have."
"Stop."
"What, cause I´m telling you the truth?"
"You aren´t. You are twisting it around. You know nothing about them."
"No, but I know plenty about you."
Xander hated a bad day. He hated the time when Spike would tie him up, hands and feet, lay down beside him and whisper. Insecurities, longings. He would caress his face, over his chest, and down his stomach. It was always a surprise when it would stop.
Xander couldn´t sleep on bad days.
Three bad days in a row and Xander was going to snap. No sleep, blurry watery eyes and the shock was wearing off.
He wanted to stare back now.
Xander jumps up at the sound of a doorbell.
"Stay there." Growled at him. Xander almost snarled back himself.
Xander stood up, edged towards the front hall.
"I´m Jack, this is my wife Jean. We just wanted to welcome you to the area."
"Thanks there but-"
"Do you live here all by yourself?"
"Oh, no. No, I live with my partner, he´s very ill. Can only come out at night and all. Sun allergy."
Xander´s throat tightened. Stupid bastard.
"Oh well. That explains the boarded windows. We´ll come back at another time, to meet him maybe."
"I´m sure he´d love that."
Exchange of goodbyes and Xander´s eyes began to water again.
"Thought I told you to stay put." Churning eyes.
He stole pictures from Buffy. From Willow. From Xander himself. Would go into their rooms. Search until he found him. Smiling, playing, laughing.
A Xander in the sun, a young Xander found in Willow´s drawer. A Xander at prom found in Xander´s basement.
He escalated to clothes a couple months after. Boxers with monkeys on them. He loved the way they smelled, the way they felt on his skin.
He could never really help himself.
Xander was on edge. He wanted sleep. But not before this part. He hated this part. Spike knelt down, rope in his hands. He couldn´t do this. Not again, not tonight. Spike was going to touch him. He couldn´t stand anymore.
Rising panic. Spike looked up at him.
"Calm down."
"I can´t stand you." Gentle pushing away with hands. Sleep.
"Love, you need to relax. We´ve done this a million times." Low dangerous voice. And really, he´s bringing this on himself, as hands come towards him. He can´t. Reaches out to stop them, the hands. Surprises himself at the sound of flesh hitting flesh.
Spike flashes his gameface and cracks his jaw.
Xander stares at his own fist in almost delight, and raises it to...do it again?
It feels like a long time, but really only seconds. Lightning quick movement and he´s struggling to breathe. Squeezing hands, choking. Xander kicks out, shocking Spike and he scoots back and away. Sheets following in his wake.
Spike kneeling, gameface showing, growling. When the punch comes it is not a surprise.
He has a black eye, and he fingers the marks on his throat.
The ironies are not lost on him.
He hit first.
He feels rested.
Xander flinches as Spike brings out the rope. Kneels and growls a warning at him. Xander stays still.
Xander flinches again as Spike runs cold fingers over his neck. Over his marks. Xander´s fist clenches. Spike´s eyebrow raises but he continues the bondage. Fucking tucks him in after he´s done.
Spike crawling in beside him. Hands moving on his stomach. Xander blinks. Blinks. Forces away the tears. His mind whispering take it. Doesn´t want the blackout rest again. Just wants to be normal, a normal rest.
Hand traveling up.
Fixation on the marks. Like Spike wants to do it again. Just to make them stay. He could see Spike doing that. To not fade away.
Xander in shock. He hit me, he´ll hit me back. And suddenly he doesn´t want to fight. Spike can´t help himself. Demon.
He doesn´t get that brand of love. The love of a psychotic. A demon magnet.
And Xander doesn´t want to fade away.
He hated Anya the most. Hated her, the way she talked to Xander, the way she fucked him. All for her. She never deserved his boy; Xander was the complete opposite of that bint.
Xander was loyal, beautiful, clever.
Anya wasn´t.
The days he spent pining for that boy, protecting him. Killing any demon that would follow him home, Anya used him.
He knows she did. She could never really understand him. Never really love him. Not the way Spike could.
Not the way Spike did.
"Go to sleep."
"I can´t. Not with you here."
"You´ve done it before." Lips dangerously close, hovering around his ear. "You can do it now." Arm sliding over his waist.
Xander´s eyes squeezed shut.
"I´m not a thing." Whispered.
Sliding.
"Clearly not." Stopping, stroking.
Pause.
Xander was surprised when Spike didn´t mention the fight. Always surprising him. But maybe that was plan all along. Was it? He would never give him a straight answer.
Xander missed the sun. Mirror´s reflection showing a different creature. Pale skin, darkly hooded eyes. A vampire.
He missed the warmth, the bright.
When his parents would fight, he would go sit outside. Letting the sun beat at him. Warming his heart.
He would give anything for that feeling.
Willow was ten when she first wanted to marry Xander. She was being teased by a kid named Jack. He used to say that her hair was gross and wrong.
She had fallen on the playground. Pushed by Jack.
Xander punched him in the face. He got no recess for a week and a call home to his parents.
That´s the day.
Willow is the one who finds it. Searching through the newspaper archives. Desperate to find her friend.
Through bleary sleepy eyes. She sees it.
A string of unusual killings from California and stopping near the edge of Louisiana. Victims suffered from neck wounds and a severe loss of blood. Victims appear to be located mainly at gas stations and motel stops along the major highways. No suspects have currently been named. Willow stopped and looked up.
"Well? Sounds like Spike, yeah?"
"Could be any vampire, actually." Giles.
"Yes, but there is a pattern. Travel. This is a vampire that´s running. He´s stopped."
"Willow..." Giles again.
"Giles." Buffy standing up. Pacing. "Willow has a point. What´s the date on that article?"
"Around a week ago. Houston Chronicle."
"Go back. See if you can find more articles, a record of something. Look in Louisiana."
"Buffy-" Buffy turned to Giles. Hackles rising.
"We haven´t gotten a lead this good before. Ever. You want to just let it go? Sit on it? It"s Xander."
"I was going to say, you should find a contact number for the Chronicle. Maybe you can goad them into providing additional information."
"Oh."
Spike would touch the marks often. Staring, as if entranced by their presence. Sitting Xander on the couch he would bruise over the original marks, over and over. Lean towards him and ghost his cold lips over them.
Killer´s kiss. And Xander felt like a walking talking kink.
Then he branched out. Bruising his arms and lower back. Fingers pressing hard into fragile skin.
The grocery store was Xander´s favorite place in New Orleans. Familiar and wonderfully bright. It was one of the only places Spike would take Xander.
Standing in the frozen food aisle. Spike contemplating the different frozen pizzas.
Xander turned his head slightly and caught a man looking at him. The man nudged the woman next to him and she looked up.
Xander turned to see if Spike had noticed, but he hadn´t. They began walking towards him. He felt a flicker of hope.
"Oh, bugger all." Spike muttered behind him, and then there was a grip on his arm.
"Spike! How nice to see you. And you must be Xander, so nice to finally meet you. I´m Jean, and this is my husband Jack." Reaching out to shake his hand. A warm hand. It sent little shock waves through his arm. A warm hand. He could feel the rumbling through his back. Sub sonic growling.
"I do wish we could stay and chat, but we have to run. Maybe some other time?" Xander stared for a second.
"Yes. I´d love some company." The growling got louder.
"How´s tomorrow night?" Jack, a wide grin and twinkling eyes. Xander loved him already. Lips tugging upwards into a smile of his own.
"Oh I don´t think-" Spike trying to catch up.
"It´ll be great." Xander fully grinning now. Another exchange of goodbye"s and see you then"s. The happy moment gone as Spike jerked him around to face him.
"What the fuck do you think you are doing?"
"I wasn´t going to say no-"
"No. I was going to." Furious eyes. And he was going to have more marks on his arms. "You say one more fucking word and you won´t ever be out of the house again. Understand?" Quick nodding.
"Stupid boy."
Jack and Jean loved Xander. They thought he was sweet, and when he talked, witty.
But they recognized the sadness in his eyes and hated it. Coming over more and more often, wanting to speak to Xander by himself, but Spike. Always hovering.
They hated Spike. Could see the dark bruises on that sweet boy´s skin. Always hovering. When he would go, leave them alone for precious moments, Jean would gently try to coax Xander.
"Come home with us. We´ll take care of you, it"s unhealthy, this relationship with Spike."
"You don´t understand. He´s-he´s dangerous, and what he´s capable of...you don´t want to get involved."
But they did.
"We do. We don´t want to see you fall down a hole you can´t get out of, Xander."
Silence.
"If you don´t do something, we will."
Conversations would halt when Spike would come back in the room. As stormy as ever. It was time for them to leave then.
And alone at night. When Jack and Jean would leave and he would be left with Spike. Stormy and furious. Paranoid. On these bad nights, so many in a row, Spike would bruise him. They weren´t just for pleasure anymore, and Xander knew this. A mark, a brand. With this on you, no one can take you away. It disturbed him. The marks, the eyes. He worried more often now, and almost wished for the days when he didn´t know Jack and Jean. When he only had to worry for himself.
So much to worry about.
Jack at the door, Jean behind him. Both looking stormy. Spike raised his eyebrow.
"Xander is asleep." Began to shut the door. Jack stuck out his foot and pushed forward. Spike stepped back.
"We want to talk to you. " Jack.
"We´ve come to take Xander." Jean at the same time.
Spike snorted.
"You"re off your rocker."
Jack´s eyes glinted dangerously. "We know what you are doing to him. If you don´t let him come with us, we are calling the police."
Spike narrowed his eyes. Mine.
"Don´t try to fucking mess with me. Xander is mine, and he´s staying here."
"He´s not a possession. He´s a person. Who you don´t deserve."
"You can´t scare us." Jack tried to push past him. Spike reached out and grabbed him by the neck. Choking. Jean yelled and ran forward, grabbing his arm and yanking.
Xander´s eyes shot open. Staring at Spike´s face as he frantically untied him.
"What are you doing?"
"We are leaving."
"What?"
"Leaving." Throwing a pair of jeans in his face. "Get your kit on."
"What did you do?"
Spike went through drawers, stuffing clothes into a duffle bag.
"What did you do?"
And he was being dragged down the stairs. Choked when he saw them. Almost fell down the stairs, till Spike caught him. Cold hand forcing his eyes away from his friends. His friends.
"I had to. You don´t understand. They were going to take you." Clear blue eyes. And he was shaking, being led down the stairs. He jerked his arm free and he went over to the bodies. Reaching out, sobbing. Spike coming from behind him, a cold hand on his arm. He jerked away. Shaking.
"Don´t touch me."
"Xander, I had to. They were going to take you. I couldn´t let that happen."
Sobbing.
"I couldn´t let them take you."
"How could you?"
Being dragged out into the night. Screaming. Cold hand slapped over his mouth and pushed in the car.
"Shut up, Xander."
"How could you?" Tears making his vision blurry. "How could you?"
"I had to."
Spike looked over at Xander, who was still shaking. The tears had stopped though. He realized what he had done. He did. He had committed a wrong against him. But he had to do it. Xander would grow to understand that.
It was better this way. Just him and Xander now.
In a diner, deep in the country.
"Are you alright, sugar?" Waitress at his elbow. He flinched back, and didn´t look up. She´ll disappear if I look at her, she will.
"He doesn´t talk much. Get him another Coke, would you?" Hand on his back, cold hand.
"Sure thing." He could feel the worried look surge through him.
"You have to eat something, Xander." A cold hand nudged him towards the plate in front of him. Bile crept up his throat and he pushed the plate away.
"Not hungry."
They were in another motel.
"I´ve got another house, love. It"s a couple days away." Xander stared out the window and then turned his head to watch Spike get out the rope.
Turning away from the window and sitting on the bed. Wrists out.
Spike frowned at him, looked at Xander´s profile as he stared into space. Dark circles lay beneath his eyes. Those dull searching eyes.
He reached out and stroked down Xander´s cheek.
"You want somethin´ to eat?"
"No."
"Xander-"
"Could you tie me up so I can sleep please? I just want to go to sleep."
Spike hated this town. No idea why he bought the fucking house in the first place. He hated the town, but he never remembered it feeling this...magickal. Making his skin prickle and making him shiver all over.
He kept his mind occupied as he led Xander into the mansion.
He looked at Xander for some kind of reaction, but nothing was showing. Completely expressionless.
"I bought this place in the seventies. It´s gorgeous, yeah?" Watched Xander carefully as he walked around.
"Windows aren´t boarded up."
"I sleep in during the day, as do you. Now, anyway."
Xander reached out and touched the mantle, running his fingers over the polished wood.
Sitting in the living room, Xander with his journal in his lap.
"You gonna write something?" Xander looked down as if surprised to see the journal in his lap.
"No." Xander tossed it into the empty fireplace.
Silence.
"I was sitting in your crappy basement. You were reading some shit."
"What?"
"I don´t know, a book or somethin´."
"No, wha-why did you just say that?"
"That was when I realized I loved you."
Silence again.
"You are a demon. You don´t have a soul. You aren´t capable of love."
"Is that what the watcher told you?" Scoffing laughter made Xander bristle. "Love doesn´t come from a soul, guilt does. Love comes from your brain. Which is thankfully still working."
"Like you would know better than me what it takes to love."
"I think I do."
Silence. Xander tried to see if he could see anything through the dusty window.
"I do love you. Even if you´ll never love me back."
"I won´t even pretend to understand you. You say you love me, but then you kill the two humans I had any contact with in weeks."
"I couldn´t let them take you."
"You killed them, and that´s what matters."
Xander lay tied, covered in a sheet, eyes squeezed shut. Spike´s side empty, currently out killing someone right now.
He desperately tried to think of something else. The bed was musty and smelled vaguely like death. He wondered briefly if Spike had killed someone in this bed.
He wondered if Spike would turn him.
Eyes snapping open, and he jumped in surprise as figures came towards him. His eyes struggling to adjust to the dark.
"Xander?" Xander stopped blinking in shock.
"Xander?" The room flooded with light and he saw Buffy standing, looking like she hadn´t slept in days. Giles, hair and clothes messy, holding an axe, and Willow. Willow who looked like she had won everything she ever wanted. Giles came towards him, pulling the sheet off his body as Willow and Buffy rushed forward and squeezed him. A good squeeze. He took a deep breath in, and sobbed it out.
"How did you-"
"Thank Willow´s witchyness, tracking spell. We´ve been on your trail for days. Are you ok? You look terrible, so pale." Buffy babble as he was pulled, untied, and held up by Giles.
"Are you quite alright, Xander?" Asked Giles, looking him over, mouth in a frown.
"I just want to go home."
"Willow and Buffy, run downstairs and check for Spike. In case." Xander let go of Willow and watched as they hurried out the door. Xander looked at Giles.
"Are you going to kill Spike?"
"Yes."
"I thought you weren´t coming."
"We didn´t have a lead till quite sometime after you vanished. Willow was the one who caught on to your trail. Once we got close enough she-" A startled yell and Xander and Giles were running out of the room. Xander saw Buffy lying against a wall and Willow in the hands of Spike.
"Don´t!" Spike looked up, gameface and he snarled. "Spike, please don´t. Please." Slowly making his way down the stairs, Giles ran to Buffy, who was groaning and bleeding. Xander edged towards Spike. Too late. Spike dropped Willow and she landed like a rag doll.
"Willow?" Whispering, he fell to his knees. Reaching out and touching her face. Felt a hand grabbing his arm, lashing out he caught Spike in the jaw. Reaching for the stake lying in Willow´s limp hand. Standing and turning towards Spike.
"Don´t, Xander." But Spike had accepted it. He could see it in his eyes, those ice blue eyes that had watched him every night. "I do love you."
Xander´s mind had numbed, and he punched Spike in the jaw again, he didn´t think twice as he plunged the stake into his chest. Spike´s shocked eyes staring at him. His ashes falling onto Willow´s body.
"Willow..." Whispering, sobbing, yelling, so many ways to say someone´s name.
The End
