Lindsey´s Angels 18
Tomas´ Inner Work Room
March 9, 2005
7.39 pm
He had found it.
Found the flaw in the layers of magical wards that protected the Hyperion both on the inside and on the outside.
Snorting to himself, he again wondered at how stupid the flaw was. So simple and yet, it had taken both himself and April well over a whole day to find it. It was something that he had overlooked dozens of times before he tried to think as the spell caster would have while casting the wards upon the Hyperion. Thank God for the sheer carelessness on the spell caster´s part. Just a reminder for himself to be ever–vigilant when tweaking a spell to the best of its ability.
With a flourish, he threw the last ingredient into the bowl sitting on the table in front of him. Drawing a deep breath in order for him to start the chant that would ignite the transportational whirlpool, he glanced behind him for a brief moment and smiled as he saw that his apprentice was still deep in concentration. Her complexion was glowing with barely shed sweat as she pushed herself to her mental and physical limits.
The ever so promising girl was continuing to prod and poke at the numerous layers of wards that made up the protection cloak that was draped over the outside of the Hyperion. Searching for another tiny flaw that would allow her to start ripping off the chain–mail of wards, one ward at a time. So far, apart from what they had both discovered, the network of wards was impenetrable. Turning back to the task ahead of him, he allowed himself a quick prayer to the numerous Gods, hoping that the gamble he was about to take would pay off.
Clearing his throat, he started the chant. His voice never rising above a soft whisper that only he could hear. A minute passed, another and yet another before he was finished. His heart jumped a beat as he watched a bright yellow mist rise from the small bowl, lazily floating in front of his eyes until there was enough to solidify into a huge circle. As the circle started to whirl around and around in an ever increasingly fast cycle, he rose to his feet and stepped forward. With not even a glance behind him to see how April was faring, Tomas stepped through the portal and into the Hyperion.
Alone.
Unprotected.
Defenseless,
And hated well beyond his own estimation.
Childrens Playroom, Third Floor, Hyperion Hotel
March 9, 2005
7.45pm
"Bored...bored...bored!" grumbled Christopher, more to himself than to anyone else in the room with him. Sighing, the small boy glanced around the room and tried to will someone to be interested enough to play Monopoly with him, it just wasn´t fun playing it by yourself. His sight fixating on Cordelia´s back as the young woman struggled to get one of the twins properly dressed, Christopher narrowed his eyes and concentrated.
//Play with me...play with me...leave Ginny alone...play with me...play with me...leave Ginny alone...//
When after a mere thirty seconds of thinking the words as hard as he could failed to turn Cordelia´s attention towards him, Christopher let out an exaggerated sigh and slumped forward in his seat. He was bored and nobody was doing anything to help him. Christopher honestly didn´t care who played the board game with him, he just wanted somebody to pay some sort of attention to him. Resting his head against the already set out Monopoly board, he turned his face to look at W´nth and Robin, sitting in the far end of the playroom as they entertained Aiesha. Maybe if he asked nicely enough, one or both of them would play with him?
"Aaaaannnndreeeew...I´m *booooorrrrred*!"
"Christopher...that´s not Robin´s name and you know it. If you want Robin to play with you then ask properly" stated Cordelia in a steely voice. Not even bothering to turn around, she mentally added for Christopher not to use that whiney voice ever again, it was something that she hoped the twins would never learn to use. With the last of Gonturan´s buttons fastened, Cordelia lifted the toddler from the change table and placed her down on the floor. Her hands firmly on her hips, she turned to face Christopher as he apologized and instead, whined for Robin to play Monopoly with him. Wincing once again at the small man/boy´s tone of voice, Cordelia gave Robin a weary smile as the younger man left his lover´s side and went to sit with Christopher at the playroom´s large table.
"It´s fine Cordelia, I don´t mind the name. Used to it you know...even W´nth calls me that at times" Robin admitted as he started to divide the brightly coloured money between himself and Christopher. "You look tired, maybe you should get some rest? W´nth and I can handle these terrors until Joyce comes to take over"
"Is Grandma Joyce coming up?" piped up Christopher, the Monopoly game forgotten for the moment, happy to learn that one of his favourite people would be all his for a few hours later that day.
"Yes she is, Little Mister Terror Number One and thanks Robin, I will. I think that Doyle and I both need some ´alone´ time...you know...Seriously though, if this alarm keeps on going, I´m going to shove chopsticks down my ears"
"Mom...what about Grandpa Graham...Mom...Mom...Mom..?" asked a hopeful voice. "Mom...Mom...Mom..."
With a look between them, both Robin and Cordelia couldn´t help but snicker at Christopher´s nickname for the Joyce´s much younger lover. As soon as Christopher had caught them both kissing one day, Graham had been relegated from being one of numerous Uncles to the much loftier perch of being a Grandpa. Something that was still a source of amusement for everyone in the hotel and it was something that Graham was more than happy to endure. As Christopher continued to repeat his pleas, Cordelia gritted her teeth and forced herself to take a firm but calm tone.
"Christopher! Ok...ok...Quit it already would you? I´ll ask him ok but just bear in mind he´s busy and may not be able to come?"
"Buuuuuttt Mmmmoooooommmm...wwwwwwhhhhhyyyyy?" grizzled the young boy as he realised he was guaranteed a lot more attention from Cordelia the more annoying he was. In an attempt to up the ´annoyment´ stakes, he started to kick at the table leg closest to him, the repetitive thuds causing the Monopoly playing pieces to jump to the rhythm only to stop when Cordelia glared at him.
"Don´t be a prick, you know why", stated Robin in a calm voice as he handed Christopher his share of the money. At the young boy´s startled look, Robin gave him a wink and gathered up the dice, ready to roll.
"Ummmm...do you want me to rescue W´nth before I go?" asked Cordelia, sympathy welling up for the furred demon as a barely–heard yelp resounded through the room. With a small shake of her head, she was constantly astounded at how much W´nth put up with from the two toddlers. "Seriously Robin, you´re going to have to tell W´nth not to let them bully him so much"
"Oh I know but its his own fault if he lets them pull handfuls of hair off him...anyway, not as if he hasn´t got lots to spare", snickered the youth as he watched one of the twins yank a small fistful of hair from W´nth´s spotted body, an action that produced another small yelp. "I don´t think he really minds that much actually"
"Oh my God! Tell me that it isn´t a kink...Please...Just tell me?" demanded a slightly horrified Cordelia, poised to run over and rip the two girls from the obviously disgusting demon´s clutches, totally ignoring the fact that it was the girls who had the timid demon at their mercy and not the other way around.
"Ummmm...Yuck no! Anyway, he´s sort of molting so most is going to fall out sooner or later", confessed a shyly grinning Robin. "No way would I actually do *that*...wow, that´s even too perverted for us Hellmouths Boys and we´ve done lots"
"Yeah Mom...we´ve done lots and anyway...its only Dewar´s that like that sort of thing....Gee, you really are silly at times", stated Christopher, a serious look on his face as he nodded to Robin´s words.
"Uuuuhhh...gee..*thanks* Robin...and *thanks* again Christopher, now I´m never gonna get some rest with *that* running through my mind" shot back Cordelia, a little queasy over how easily both Robin and Christopher referred to their previous lives.
With that, Cordelia turned and left the playroom, sadness welling up inside of her as she realised just how accepting Robin was of the last few years of his life. How Christopher knew that hair pulling was a Dewar´s kink, she really didn´t want to know. Trudging wearily down the third floor corridor towards her room, Cordelia stopped by one of the rooms and poked her head around the door frame.
"Hey Leo...Leo...Oh no...Leo?"
Entering the Asian youth´s room, Cordelia searched every corner of the room for the missing boy, berating herself for leaving Leo alone. Ever since arriving at the Hyperion, Leo had proved himself to be unpredictable in his actions and prone to going missing on a regular basis only to be found in a closet somewhere in the hotel. Harmless but something that continued to grate on everyone´s nerves especially when he decided to hide in a room that someone else had already claimed as their own. Unfortunately, there wasn´t much they could do apart from putting up personal barriers on their rooms, something that they had already tried but discontinued after Leo had managed to learn everyone´s passwords and Riley kept locking himself out of his room, much to his annoyance and displeasure.
"Damn, I should know better by now", she muttered to herself as she strode over to one of the two in–built cupboards in the room, annoyed that no–one had thought to keep an eye on him. Gently, she pulled open the cupboard door and peered inside. When nothing was revealed, she went to the second one and pulled open the door.
"No way...I can´t believe it! Its...its..*sweet* and I am so gooey...Damn these pregnancy hormones"
Curled into a tight ball on the floor of the small cupboard was Leo, fast asleep and oblivious to everything around him, a thumb just resting on his bottom lip. Smiling to herself, Cordelia edged closer towards the youth, intent on shaking him awake and getting him up off the floor and into bed. As she crouched down and leant in towards the lightly snoring youth, she frowned as she realised that there was something not quite right with the situation. Sitting up straight again, she paused for a moment before leaning back in.
"Oh my God?" In mild shock, she leant back and forth a few more times as she was struck with the knowledge that the continuing alarm couldn´t be heard from inside the small cupboard. "Good choice Leo...and for that...you can stay there! Well, I guess I know where I´m going to be sleeping for the next few hours"
Getting up carefully, so as to not disturb the slumbering youth, she considered throwing a blanket over Leo before she left but decided not to after envisioning an hour long argument with the youth in which she would have to agree that she was letting him freeze to death but only after he accused her of trying to suffocate him. A shake of her head and she slowly closed the door, leaving it a fraction ajar to allow some fresh air to circulate through the small space.
With a wide jaw–wrenching yawn, Cordelia stepped from the room and continued down towards her quarters. Passing the closed elevator doors, she wondered how Spike and Xander were going on the fourth floor, making a mental note to ask before she shut herself away in one of the bedroom closets for a few hours rest.
"God – anything to just get away from the eff´n alarm...yuck, now I sound like that idiot Spike"
Entering the room she shared with her fiancé, Doyle, Cordelia strode straight over to the intercom fixed on the wall and pushed the ´talk´ button for the Hyperion´s lobby.
//Yeah?//
"Is that anyway to start a conversation Mr ´I´m ever so eloquent´ Finn?"
//Uhhh...sorry...Cordy?//
"Uuuhhhh..*yeah* and duh! Oh...speaking of eloquent...how is Angel going trying to Spike to let Xander pee?" asked Cordelia, trying to stifle another yawn.
//Not good...Spike´s still all...you know...face ridges, fangs and frothing at the mouth..//
"*Really*...frothing...are you for real?"
//Ahhh no...Figure of speech but Angel´s still the only one who can get within arms reach of him.//
"Hello...forgetting Xander here!" Cordelia snapped, her worry about Xander´s safety escalating as Riley confirmed that Spike was still in the full throes of the Twilight Instructions, something that had now gone on for more than twenty–four hours.
//I don´t think Xander counts in this case...pretty much a given that Spike will allow Xander to be close to him//
"Hey...Xander *always* counts....anyway...How is he?"
//Well, considering Spike has him holed up in the elevator, not allowing him to move more than a few inches at a time and he´s more than likely bored, tired and dying to pee.....he´s just fine// came the rather sarcastic reply. //Cordelia...I know...Xander...always counts...everyone does ok?//
"Hmmph. Yeah...I´m a little touchy when it comes to Xander...ok? But what Spike is doing is fine for now but what happens when Xander really...really needs to pee? What do we do...throw him a port–a–potty and a roll of toilet paper and hope that Spike doesn´t ´kill´ them before Xander uses them?" enquired a genuinely worried Cordelia.
//I don´t know but at least them being in the elevator is progress...you know? He´s only settled on the elevator because the alarm can´t be heard in there...Spike thinks it´s the safest place for Xander at the moment. Only took Angel two hours to convince Spike to start moving down the hallway.// Riley sighed.
"What Angel did to Spike...it´s worse than before isn´t it? I mean...it´s not working like he thought it would...its made Spike, if possible, nastier and more protective." stated Cordelia in an unusually soft voice.
//What he did to Spike...*again* was just stupid. Damn it...he just can´t leave well enough alone...you know? I know he wanted to try and fix what he did to Spike the first time but...sometimes...you just can´t do that and all you do is make things worse. If W´nth hadn´t been so...so *timid* then I really think Robin would be planning a funeral right now// growled Riley, still angry that Angel had had to finally come clean as to why Spike was so much more aggressive than before towards any threats to Xander´s safety. Everything and everyone was considered a threat as far as Spike was currently concerned, even his ´best friend´ Joyce had been taken as a threat to Xander. What really irked him though, was how Angel hadn´t seen fit to inform everyone, bar Wesley, about his plans for Spike especially as to how it had ultimately put an innocent life in danger already.
"God...I know. Some days...I feel like Angel just shouldn´t be allowed near anyone...human or not. Yuck...yuck...I don´t want to even think about it anymore. I´m tired, I want sleep and I want Wesley and Angel to clean that *mess* up in the training room properly...no way am I going to do it"
//Actually, Angel´s doing it by himself. Wes told him that Joyce needed help keeping an eye on Spike and went to take Xander some dinner and a book// admitted Riley, a slight humorous note colouring his reply as he thought back to Angel´s lengthy pleading for someone to help him with the lawyers remains and the grotesque stain on the carpet. As Wes had stated, on everyone´s behalf, Angel had created the mess and therefore, only he was qualified to clean it up. Something that everyone, including a usually soft–hearted Joyce, had agreed upon before leaving Angel alone to his own devices.
"Have they figured who is testing the wards or better yet, a way to tone down this alarm?" A rather loud yawn punctuated Cordelia´s words, prompting her to rub at her sleepy eyes.
//No but good news...David has downloaded almost all of Lindsey´s private files...and...the best bit...he´s totally wiped out all the bank accounts and transferred the money into an untraceable account offshore somewhere. Damn...I tell you...that man is just...we´re lucky to have him on our side, that´s all I can say.// Riley´s tone brightened even more as he relayed the news to Cordelia, happy that at least something was going right for the group of friends for once. Now, thanks to David Nabbit and not in the least, Lindsay, the collected friends wouldn´t have to worry about money for a little while.
"Oh thank the PTB for David...hmmm...wonder if Doyle would share me with David....Mrs Cordelia Nabbit–Doyle...has a nice ring don´t you think?"
//Not really....Misters Francis and David Chase, husbands of one Cordelia Chase, is more your style I think and talking about your other half...we´ll send him up in half hour or so...only a few more details to go over// Riley laughed, along with both Graham and Doyle as they listened in on the conversation. //Hang on...oh...ok. Doyle says he gets first dibs on David and you´ll just have to wait your turn//
"Ewwww...gross...like I really meant it...Hey, you´re closer than me, just give husband number two a quick slap across the head for me...thaaaaahhhhhhhhwwwww...erk...that´s it...going to bed now"
Taking her finger off the ´talk´ button, Cordelia turned from the intercom and closed the bedroom door before starting to strip. Off came the scuffed runners and well worn but still white socks and off came the old track pants and thick sweater stained with canned baby food. With a slight grimace, she wondered just where the once fashionable Queen C has disappeared to. Her bra and panties coming off next and dropped onto the small pile of clothes on the floor next to the bed, Cordelia stood in front of the full length mirror on the back of the bedroom door, both hands gently stroking her still flat and toned stomach.
In a moment of wonder, she forced her stomach out, wanting to know what she would look like in only a few months time. Sighing, she expelled the excess air and once again admired her toned body. If anything, she was more muscular and toned than she had been before her kidnapping to a winter wonderland. Hours, days and weeks of necessary hard work had put her into a level of prime fitness.
The moment gone, she rubbed her tummy in a soft circle before walking over to the chest of drawers and pulling out a pair of pajamas and slipping into them. Pillow and thick comforter taken from the bed, Cordelia dragged the heavy load over to one of the cupboards and opened the door of what was her closet.
"Too many shoes. Oh my God! I don´t think I´ve ever said *that* before?" she exclaimed to herself in mild amazement.
Kneeling down and leaning in to the small space, Cordelia gathered up her shoes and started to fling them out into the larger room, all the while trying to remember just when she had last worn anything that resembled a fashionable shoe. Almost too long for her to remember it seemed. No, actually the last time had been at Giles´ wake and that was a memory better left untouched for now. Once the floor space was clear, she poked and shoved the comforter into the space before placing her pillow exactly where she wanted it.
With a few wriggles, she snuggled into the warmth of the comforter, intent on ignoring the fact that the thick bed covering was doing nothing to disguise the hardness of the floor beneath her. Cordelia didn´t really care, all she wanted was a few hours peace from the ongoing alarm and if this was what she had to do to get it...then she was going to do it. It was either this or try to convince Spike to let her into the elevator with Xander, something that she couldn´t see anyone, let alone her, doing in the immediate future.
Her eyes closed, she let her mind drift as she found herself on a bright sunny beach, building sandcastles with Buffy and oddly enough, a vampiric Harmony. As her breathing slowed down and deepened, Cordelia turned on her side in an effort to be more comfortable only to suddenly jerk awake with fright as something large and heavy crashed into her.
"WHAT THE HE...?" screamed Cordelia, her fright turning into anger as she tried to push someone off her before managing to wriggle from under the dead weight. Thinking it might be Leo trying to push her out of her own rooms closet, she leapt to her feet and whirled back around to face the figure on the floor in a mere second. "FUCK YOU LEO, I´M NOT MOVI...Leo...Oh shit...oh shit!"
Staring down at the unconscious figure on the floor, Cordelia realised that she had no idea of who it was. The intercom reached in record time, Cordelia simultaneously pushed all the buttons with a trembling hand and screeched into the system.
"Angel...Angel...there´s a man in my room...he´s like, totally out of it but...how did he get in here...into the Hyperion?"
Wolfram and Hart, Alpha Prime level
March 9, 2002
7.59 pm
Hands wrung together in what he hoped was a convincing apologetic manner, Holland forced himself to keep a bright smile upon his face as he carefully stepped forward.
"Yes...yes. I assure you, everything is still on track. No...Never. Tomas is still the best that Wolfram and Hart has ever had the good fortune to work with." Stifling the urge to just vomit and run, Holland felt his gorge rise even further as one of the Original Senior Partners brushed against him. Eyes screwed tight in a terror that he couldn´t help, he forced himself to breathe slowly in an effort to calm himself down before he marked himself as a snack for one of the three monstrosities in the pitch black room with him.
"Yes...I know. I know. It´s so hard to be patient when you have waited this long but really, what are a few more weeks to...beings such as yourselves?" Slowly, he opened his eyes and concentrated his gaze directly in front of him, not being able to see even a hand span in front of him. A low rumbling growl from the left side of the room had Holland turn his head to where the sound has originated from.
"No...no...I´m not lying to you...you know that. Why would I lie to you..? I´m just as anxious as you are to see you return to your homeworld." He found himself squawking in both fright and disgust as he sensed an impossibly large head coming towards him. How he knew, he didn´t know but he could just tell and he really didn´t want it coming any closer. Standing as still as he could, Holland felt a wave of relief wash over him when after a few loud and gusty sniffs at him, the ´youngest´ Original Senior Partner moved its head away again. A weak shaky smile returning to his face, Holland waited for another question to be directed his way. Something that he hadn´t had to wait long for.
Upon hearing the question, Holland felt all last shreds of his false bravery fall away. "Y...yes. I am afraid of you...all of you."
At the ´middle´ Partners screeched prompt, Holland continued.
"B–because I know that you will kill me before you go...so that no–one knows how or where to reach you...th–that´s why?" he answered, a short laugh ending his words. Holland´s mind spun, never had he ever been asked if he had been afraid or not. He had just always been given orders and like his numerous predecessors over the previous years, he had always followed them to the best of his ability. His answer caused the ´oldest´ Partner to speak up and when it did, Holland wished that he had never been born.
Standing stock still, Holland could do nothing but stare straight ahead at where he assumed the ´oldest´ of the Original Senior Partners was while his head immediately began to ache as an earth shattering howl of denial was unleashed in his mind. A howl that conveyed all the fear, loathing, hatred, terror and horror that he had ever experienced, all forced into one single sound.
A sound that continued as Holland drew his next breath to air his thanks. Summoning all the courage that he could currently muster and then some, Holland drew in deep gulps of the dank air that permeated through the pitch black room. With his heart racing almost out of control, he answered without even attempting a smile.
"I...I am most assuredly honoured. Never...never would I have imagined that my reward would be so great. Thank you...thank you all so much"
And with that answer, Holland knew he was staring his own insanity right in the face.
Xander
Ssshhhhhhhh.
Be quiet.
Mustn´t raise your voice. Keep your emotions in check. Make sure that you all act stiff and uncomfortable in my presence.
Careful, don´t frighten me. Remember, all those months of slavery must have reduced me into being unable to think for myself so just assume you know what´s best for me and don´t worry about asking me what I want or need.
Because if you don´t ask then you don´t have to hide the annoyance and pity as I manage to stutter out a sentence.
Softly...softly with the questions, just make sure you give me one of those little ´hmmm´ sounds at the end of each condescendingly asked query. You know...that little sound that everyone makes when asking a five year old how they managed to get a cut on their knee. Don´t worry, I don´t mind. I probably won´t even notice it anyway, poor little thing that I am, I´m more than likely happy that I´m not being beaten and abused.
So, a question here and there doesn´t hurt....neither does the manner in which it´s asked.
Whenever I come into a room, ensure that all conversation stops while you look everywhere but at me. Clear your throats, look awkwardly at each other and then continue on with a totally different discussion. I never notice, I´m too busy reliving each moment of my own private hell....the one in which I was stuck while each one of you went on with your lives.
Refrain from touching me at all times. Wouldn´t want to give me the wrong impression, make it look like you wanted me to drop to my knees in front of you. I probably doesn´t like to be touched anyway...would only serve to remind me of the brothels I´ve worked in....being hugged...given a manly slap across the back. Don´t want to freak me out...make me nervous.
Don´t want me to make a scene and make you uncomfortable because you being uneasy around me would only make me feel worse. So, plaster a smile on your face each time you are around me and remember to talk softly. Remember to present a happy façade around me at all times, never let it look as if you also have problems of your own.
If I´m not talking, then I obviously don´t want to and no–one should push me to do so. If I wanted to talk, then I´m quite capable of opening a conversation of my own. Yes, I was trained not to speak until spoken to first but there is no reason for me to follow that rule now that I´m free. It´s not like its something I´m compelled to obey at all times. Not as if I get flashbacks of certain aspects of punishment if I go to open my mouth to start a conversation. Ask a question.
Careful...always be careful when showing affection to each other when there is a chance that I will see. It wouldn´t be right to constantly remind me of what I lost so many years ago. If I do catch you, pull apart immediately, place your arms stiffly at your sides and make sure that you both look flushed, embarrassed and ashamed of having a former prostitute watch you. Just make your excuses and leave my presence as soon as possible after all, I will obviously be grateful in the end for you sparing me from being confronted with a normal relationship.
You know...once being a prostitute, I´m a bit delicate like that and being a former slave, I don´t think quite right anymore.
Above all, always look at me with a mixture of pity and revulsion. Stare at me out of the corner of your eye and give a slight shake of the head whenever you think I´m not watching. Remember to find it creepy the way I move around the hotel quieter than any vampire could. Always talk about me when I´m in hearing range and ignore the fact that I may be able to hear you.
Cringe in barely hidden embarrassment and horror whenever it looks like I might be on the verge of opening up to you. Just nod your head in a fast motion in the hopes of stalling the confession, better for me to save it for my therapist. Never ask if I´m comfortable with the therapist that you picked out for me...just go on assuming that I am. Don´t worry about that tiny flicker of hurt that flashes across my face as you do so...I´m used to being hurt so I don´t have ´normal´ feelings anymore.
Keep talking amongst yourselves about just how many types of demons I must have serviced over the years....no, I can´t hear you...I´m only in the corner of the room. Sorry...I´m so quiet now, you´ve forgotten that I´m even there. My fault, not yours.
I know the secret pervert in you all want to know the worst, the best and the most horrible things that I had to do in Sanity and The Eternal. You would all deny it but if I wrote it out, none of you would be able to put the piece of paper down due to your fascination. And as you read it, I know you would be thanking God that it was me and not you.
That´s right, I could only be deluding myself if I confessed that some nights, I truly enjoyed the time with my clients and hated to see them go. No, of course I never felt pleasure.....how can a whore ever be expected to enjoy itself?
Yeah, I´m ecstatic that Spike is the only one who treats me like a human being...not some pathetic piece of shit that´s been rescued and has to be constantly pitied.
I´m fine, the cold hard floor of the lift is just fine. I don´t mind sitting here while he paces up and down snarling in full gameface and isolating me.
I know that being kept in the dark about what is happening is for my own good. It´s not as if I have the same basic rights that I used to have back when I was Xander and not Scott.
These things would upset Xander but not me.
Not Scott.
Shhhhhhhh....
Be afraid to be yourselves around me.
Softly...quietly.
Feel ashamed that I was the one who suffered and not you.
Gentle...be gentle with me.
Admit that you can´t relate to me anymore and that you are unsure of how to even begin.
It´s alright, I don´t mind.
I just hate you all for it.
