Xanpet 15

Looking back over my journal entries, I´ve realized that it has been almost three months since Angelus ordered my punishment. Reading those entries, reliving the memory of where I was emotionally and mentally versus where I´m at today, I realize how much I´ve adapted since then. I don´t look at what I´ve done as giving up. I can´t. What do they say? In that way lies madness. I hope that the girls and Giles would understand that. It´s survival, the lesser of two evils. It wasn´t an easy choice and I still worry I did the wrong thing. Whenever I doubt myself though, I remember the gut chilling terror I felt when Angelus hurt Spike. I mean really hurt Spike. Even though Spike healed within a few days, living through that was terrifying and I´m scared that it´ll happen again, or worse. Spike knows this and has tried to reassure me. He tells me that Angelus would never–not even accidentally–dust him. That, in his own way, Angelus loves him, that he is Angelus´s creation. For some reason, all I remember when he says that is a quote from church, something about ´I give life and I take it away,´ although in this case that would be unlife. I suppose it´s fitting since everyone here acts as though Angelus were god himself. Those first few weeks the fear was stillstrong and when Spike came for dinner I would ask him between bites of food if he was okay. I would ask him if he´d seen Angelus. I would ask him if he´d been hurt. He always said he was fine, even when I thought he was obviously not okay. That was when the change in myself started. Spike would order me to undress him. A task I formerly approached with trepidation I now performed eagerly, stripping his clothes off with my mouth or hands, slow or fast. It didn´t matter how he ordered me to do it. I always obeyed because then, instead of asking him if he was okay, I could see for myself. I could count the bruises, the cuts that hadn´t been there the last time I´d done this. In the past I attributed Spike´s injuries or stiffness to his tendency to fight, even when he didn´t have to. Now I knew better. I´m sure some was still due to his love of violence but more often they were the result of Angelus´s attentions. The worst was when he´d come to see me carrying himself with a stiff, uneven gait. The one that meant he´d received Angelus´s special attentions and on those days, I was always more careful with him. One night that that had happened, I mentioned that actual sex might kill me if this is what it did to him. Though I meant it to come out jokingly; I sounded scared. I knelt between his knees a foot in my lap to remove his boot. Spike stopped and looked at me, lifting my chin with his hand. He brushed the hair away from my face then said he wouldn´t lie to me. That first times were uncomfortable and may even hurt a bit but that they were bearable. He gestured toward himself with a smile and said, ´this is only for vampires´ and that he´d do his best to make it easier for me. I bowed my head then, wondering so many things at once. When would it happen? How much did it hurt? I looked up to ask Spike something, anything but forgot what I was about to say when he pressed his fingers against my lips. He shushed me, then leaned forward to brush his lips against my forehead. ´I won´t let you be harmed.´ He had said, pulling away from me and looking into my eyes as one hand gripped the back of my neck. ´Trust me?´ Reluctantly, I nodded, hoping that Spike would know what I needed to get through that experience. That happened nearly two weeks ago. He hasn´t said another word about my first time since and I can´t help but wonder how bad it might be. We´ve done basically everything else and the waiting and not knowing is tormenting me. My imagination is my worst enemy and lately I´ve been wishing we could just get it over with.

Unmoving, I gazed at the light cast by the row of thick candles that lit my room tonight. The flames sputtered sporadically and marionettes of light and shadow danced against the walls, the chill drafts of this mansion their puppet master. I stared at the flickering light as I desperately tried to draw air into my lungs and strengthen the tenuous grip I had on my imminent orgasm. I whimpered, dropping my head against Spike´s shoulders as he rolled his hips, the soft press of his buttocks firmly stroking my erection.

"Why did you stop, Pet?"

"I didn´t want to disobey, Spike," I answered in a broken cadence since Spike insisted on continuously rolling his hips, tormenting my hard cock. It wasn´t fair but then again it wasn´t meant to be. Spike had come twice tonight. Over the past few months I had become used to his quick recovery time and stamina but I still struggled with the rule he´d given me. I groaned as he writhed beneath me.

"What´s the rule, Pet?" He asked evenly as he thrust his buttocks against my erect penis.

"I´m not allowed to come," I said. "Not without permission."

"And whose pleasure are you here for?"

"Yours Master," I whispered so low that a human would not have been able to hear me.

"And right at this moment my pleasure is feeling your heat against me," Spike murmured as he moved. "I want to come feeling your hot, hard length thrusting against me, knowing that the only thing, the one thing holding you back from coming is your Master´s pleasure."

Spike moaned when my prick jerked against his bottom, hot pre–come dropping onto his cool flesh. "Yeah, that´s what I want," he mumbled into the pillows he rested on.

"Please," I begged, feeling the throbbing in my balls, "Spike, I–"

"My pleasure," Spike hissed, "and I´d rather not have to punish you any more than you´ve already warranted."

"Yes, Master," I whispered, the thought of punishment enough to pull me from the edge I´d been balanced upon. Spike took disciplining me seriously and though I knew that I´d be punished for stopping it wouldn´t be as severe a reprimand as coming without permission. My hips began to move again of their own accord, my hard cock sliding between the tight press of our bodies. Spike moved beneath me, his hips pressing into the bed, or straining to hold my cock tighter to his body. I don´t know if he knew how much this turned me on, to have him wriggling beneath me, trapped by the weight of my body, my forearms framing his torso while my hard on rubbed against his ass and low back. Before I knew it I was fighting my orgasm again.

"Christ," I muttered against his neck, rolling my forehead against his cool skin, I felt my orgasm rising within me but I didn´t stop moving against him; stopping wasn´t allowed. I wasn´t sure if I could hold it back this time. Not realizing what I was doing, I opened my mouth and gently bit the juncture where Spike´s neck and shoulder met. I just needed something to distract me from pain in my balls as well as the cool body, damp with my sweat arching against me like a cat in heat. I couldn´t contain my small cry of relief when Spike moaned, his hips jerking roughly against the mattress and me before stopping. Panting, I collapsed against Spike, trying to stay still while at the same time unconsciously pressing against him for the relief that I knew I was denied. I could feel the drying sweat itching against my scalp and the sound of rushing blood filled my ears. It wasn´t very long before Spike started fidgeting beneath me. Though he didn´t ask me to, I rolled off of him and onto my back. I glanced down at my erection jutting harshly from my body, toward my belly, and closing my eyes against my own misery I briefly wondered if I´d be allowed to come at all tonight. I felt Spike moving beside me before he sounded a low ´mmmm´ of pleasure, making my belly tighten and with fatalist dread I opened my eyes. He lay on his side, his head propped up by one hand. My eyes darted down his body and I shivered. His other hand was cupping his balls, rolling them gently. His belly glistened with his smeared come and though he wasn´t hard yet he would be soon.

"Please, Spike, I don´t know–." I stopped myself, my chest tightening against the onslaught of conflicting emotions filling me. Complaining would just get me into more trouble.

"Don´t know what, Pet?" Spike asked. "Don´t know how you could possibly make me happier?"

"Nooo," I groaned out, pressing my head into the pillows as Spike´s hand reached out and cradled my balls, his fingers lightly tracing the veins along the length of my penis. Spike smiled at my dick before looking up at me.

"You were saying, Pet," Spike said with an arched brow.

"Perhaps my Master would let his Pet come, uh now, then his Pet could be more focused on his Master´s pleasure."

Spike actually paused at that, his hand stilling against my genitals. He cocked his head and looked at me, before narrowing his eyes and lightly tapping my cock.

"Telling me what to do now, Pet," Spike said. "You might want to reconsider that."

"No!" I gasped, dropping my eyes before looking up at Spike again. "Never, Master. It was just I was just making a suggestion Master."

"Ah, I see," Spike´s lips quirked upwards as he looked at me. "In the future, if I require suggestions from you I´ll ask for them." Spike stroked over my torso as he spoke, his fingers pausing to lightly tug at the line of hair leading to my cock. He grinned when my erection leapt in response, doing it again before sliding his hand upward. His palm rested over my heart and he lightly rubbed his thumb against my pec. My eyes fell closed at the gentle pleasure of his touch and slowly I drifted. If it weren´t for my arousal I might have been able to fall asleep. I gasped loudly at the feel of sharp teeth catching my nipple. My hands flew up in reaction, gripping Spike´s head as my eyes opened in surprise. Spike chuckled at me before spending several minutes gently lapping then sucking then nipping at the erect bud of flesh. I choked on the moan in my throat as my cock redoubled its efforts to get even harder, something I didn´t think possible.

"I thought you might have fallen asleep on me, Pet," Spike murmured against my nipple.

"No Master," I replied, my hands now caressing through his hair. I could feel his erection pressing against my hip as he moved to give my other nipple the same treatment. I whimpered in fear and desire. This was where he´d staked his claim on me and we both knew how excruciatingly sensitive I was there. Tormenting me this way had become a favorite of Spike´s and within minutes I was thrashing beneath him, desperately trying to get away even as I wanted to get closer. The instant his hand closed around my erection I froze, clamping down on feeling the tingling sensation of my orgasm beginning in my spine. Spike froze as well, watching me. I knew if he moved his hand on my cock, it would be all over for me.

"Your control is much better Pet," he said after a few minutes, drawing his hand away from me with a small pat.

"Thank you Master," I whispered. And I was thankful, because Spike could have made me come just then and he didn´t. I frowned in confusion when he rolled off of me and headed for the armoire.

"Master?" I asked tentatively following him with my eyes. Usually the armoire was for punishment and I sat up scooting away from him on the bed when he came back with a short, black leather strap. The one he used to tie my genitals.

"Please," I begged. "I didn´t come without permission!"

"Shh, shh," Spike said, caressing my face and my chest. "Not going to be punishment, Pet. You didn´t do anything wrong."

"I didn´t," I said, inhaling a shuddering breath. "I obeyed."

"Which is why I´m going to reward you."

"Reward?" I said, perplexed, glaring in revulsion at the hated piece of leather. Spike chuckled and set it down on the nightstand, before sitting beside me, his hands constantly caressing my bare flesh.

"Yes, rewarded, Pet," Spike said. I moaned as he cradled my full balls in his hand, gently rolling them in his palm. "You can use the strap tied just tightly enough so that you don´t come without permission. In which case, you´ll be allowed to get yourself off once I´m finished this time."

Spike paused for so long I finally looked up at him.

"Option two?" I asked, trying to think past the feel of his fingers caressing me.

"You obey simply to please your Master. In which case, I reward you myself," he replied with a gentle squeeze to my cock.

"What if–what if I can´t. If I disobey by accident?"

"There´s no such thing as accidental disobedience, Pet," Spike said gently before quietly answering. "In that case, you´ll still be rewarded by me for trying but you´ll be punished for coming without permission."

I looked at the hated black strap. It was my punishment for coming without permission. Spike would tightly tie the strap around the base of my genitals and I mean tightly. I´d almost hyperventilated the first time he´d done it as my cock and balls had slowly turned dark red then near purple until Spike reassured me that he would never permanently damage his Pet. Then he oiled up his hand and stroked me to orgasm all the while whispering that I wasn´t allowed to come without his permission. I passed out when I came. The strap gave my ejaculate nowhere to go and it felt like being kicked in the balls. He made me come three times like that; it took all night since I quickly realized that coming with that thing on was something I never wanted to repeat. It was a long time before I came without permission again but whenever I did the punishment was the same. My eyes flickered nervously toward the table and I licked suddenly dry lips. I knew that Spike wanted me to try to control myself but I really didn´t know if I could. I shuddered as he looked at me expectantly.

"I´ll try," I said. Spike rewarded my choice my tightly stroking my cock. I hissed and reached my hands up to grip his shoulders.

"Move for me," Spike ordered, as he held still. "Fuck my hand."

I bit my lip, looking down I watched as I gently thrust my cock in and out of his closed fist. I jerked forward at the sharp slap to the side of my buttock.

"Move like you mean it, Pet," Spike said. "Don´t think about the punishment, think of your reward for pleasing your Master."

"What´s…what´s my reward," I choked out, thrusting roughly and quickly into Spike´s hand already clamping down on the sensation gathering in my gut. I couldn´t come!

"Oh, if you obey I´ll think of something really good," Spike said softly as he lifted my balls in his other hand, my thrusting motion dragging the sensitive globes against his palm. He grinned at my full throated moan. "Something to fully express how pleased I am with you."

I panted against the pleasurable sensations peaking inside me, then gritted my teeth wondering if this was about to end when it had barely begun just as Spike ordered me to stop. I froze, practically sitting in his lap shivering uncontrollably with my arousal.

"Very, very nice Pet," Spike said drawing his hands up and down my sides before tracing a finger, back and forth across my lips. "I´m already impressed." Spike sprawled along his side on the bed, drawing me down with him. Turning me so that my head rested against his thigh his drooling erection pointed toward my chin. I could see his balls and the shadowy cleft of his ass.

I reached for his hard on but stopped when Spike dropped a hand against my head, petting my hair. He drew his hand down to his balls, lifting them to brush against my lips. Okay, I got the message. Tentatively, I poked the tip of my tongue against his lightly furred sac. I could taste the salty, musky flavor of his semen from his earlier climaxes as I began dragging my tongue across the sensitive skin. I moaned against the soft globes when he began slowly jacking me as I licked him. Soon my chin and his inner thighs were wet with my saliva. I could see the skin of his sac tighten whenever my breath gusted over his wet flesh. A hand on my head guided me to his weeping erection. I moved to grip his cock with my hand but a soft pinch on my hip stopped me. My eyes sought out his gaze.

"No hands, Pet," he said, softly smiling at me before resting his head against my inner thigh. I shivered at the feel of his breath against my cock and caught his penis between my lips. I had gotten better at this over the months but tended to gag if I couldn´t use my hands. I swirled my tongue around the head of his cock, feeling his moan against my inner thigh. I drew more of him into my mouth, trying to be cautious.

"Pet, when I tell you to, I want you to try to swallow," Spike said. I don´t know how long I lay there, suckling his cock and desperately trying to swallow around his erection whenever he ordered me to. Each time I was able to do so, he stroked my cock with a perfect grip.

Soon, I followed Spike´s command without thought. Then, without warning, he ordered me to swallow just as he thrust forward. The head of his cock barely brushed against the back of my throat but instead of gagging I gasped as Spike pressed up hard on the sensitive spot just behind my balls as he stroked my cock. Stars flashed behind my eyes and my erection jumped pulsing out pre–come at the intense pleasure. I moaned, as Spike stroked me. Soon, my throat muscles contracted reflexively at his low voiced commands. The next time I swallowed, Spike thrust forward, his cock filling my throat as my muscles reflexively drew him down. Before I had time to panic he pulled back. I barely had time to gasp for air before he ordered me to swallow once more. I did as he said, and this time I felt him slide deeper. He commanded me again and I could feel my throat muscles struggling to obey against his invading flesh. Each time I was able to swallow him neatly down his hand roughly stroked my cock and pressed up against that spot. I moaned around his length and neither punishment nor reward would hold my orgasm back much longer. He jacked me faster and my entire body was shaking with denied release. He didn´t order me anymore since I now swallowed his erection automatically. I could hear Spike moaning above me while the solid shaft filling my mouth muffled my own soft needy cries, pleading for release that I knew wouldn´t happen yet. The base of my spine was constantly tingling and I didn´t know how much longer I could do this.

"Ohhh. So good, Pet. Knew you could learn. Such a good boy."

I could hear Spike´s words of praise above me as his hands lightly brushed the hair from my forehead. I wondered if he was close to coming. I groaned around his penis and Spike gasped. My fingers dug sharply into his hips. Spike thrust into me twice more, the second time he paused, lodged deep in my throat and I barely had time to wonder why when I felt the first pulse of warm liquid. Before I even realized what this was, I instinctively swallowed at the sensation of fluid rolling down my throat. Spike groaned and his cock jerked again, releasing a second volley of liquid. My arms slid around his hips in relief as I swallowed around the short, jerky thrusts he made as he shot three more jets of come down my throat.

"Bloody hell."

Spike fell back onto the bed, his softening cock falling from my mouth to land limply against his inner thigh. I didn´t move, hoping he´d let me come now. He tugged my hair.

"Get up here."

Spike drew me up to lie on the bed next to him. I shook harder when his hand circled my erection.

"Oh Pet, that was bloody well amazing," Spike said, nibbling along my jaw line. "You´ve been such an obedient Pet, following my commands like such a good boy."

Inwardly, I grimaced at his comments, feeling very much like the Pet he called me.

"Does my Pet want his reward now?"

"Yes, Master," I said hoarsely, surprised at the rough sound of my voice. Spike shuddered against me.

"God. That´s a beautiful sound."

Spike began stroking my cock.

"You have a gorgeous cock, you know that?"

I grunted, hoping that Spike didn´t actually expect me to answer him.

"I wonder if you taste as good as you look?"

My eyes grew wide as I registered what Spike had just said.

"Please!" My hoarse voice sounded again as Spike drifted his lips down my chest, poised above my erection. I closed my eyes, pressing my head into the bed. I couldn´t believe he was really going to do this.

"Pet, you can come whenever you want and move however you want," Spike murmured, his cool hands branding my inner thighs. "But I want to hear your voice. Talk to me."

"Spike, are you really–" my rough voice fell into a hoarse scream as cool, wet, tight sensation enveloped my erection. Spike stopped moving.

"Please Master, don´t stop," I cried out, drawing my feet up to rest on the bed. "Please, it feels so good."

As soon as I started speaking, Spike began sucking my brains out of my dick. I babbled. A litany of oh God and good and don´t stop and tight and wet. I had more leverage with my feet up and unconsciously I held his head and began thrusting into his mouth. Spike didn´t seem to mind.

"Spike, Spike."

I needed to see and struggled to raise my head. I stared at my Master, watching the slick, pink fullness of his lips glide up and down the shaft of my penis with each thrust I made. I couldn´t help the soft ´oh´ of surprise that escaped me as he comfortably drew down my hard length or the gasps of pleasure that followed as he swallowed strongly, his muscles contracting tightly around my cock.

"Fuck! Oh Spike, I–"

My body had been denied for too long and I came with my next thrust, driving myself as deeply as I could into Spike´s throat. I froze there, shouting out brokenly as the first pulse of come shot from me, turning my insides out. The next instant I could feel Spike´s muscles massaging the head of my cock as he swallowed my semen. I thrust jerkily against the pressure, the sensation drawing pulse after pulse of hot come from me until I finally collapsed into a shivering, sweaty heap. Spike pulled off and touched his lips gently to my half hard cock, which I knew would rise again in his presence.

"Sleep Pet," Spike said softly drawing me into his arms. "Sleep." I was in no shape to disagree and fell into the darkness of slumber.

I was alone when I woke up. Blearily, I glanced around the room but Spike was gone. Most of the candles had burned out and the remaining few guttered weakly. My muscles protested as I stretched out in bed feeling completely wrung out. I started when the door swung open.

"Good, you´re awake."

Spike came in carrying my riding clothes, dropping them on the bed. He crouched down beside me, his hand brushing the hair away from my face.

"Angelus wants us to go riding with him. You need to get dressed."

Spike´s mouth was moving but I wasn´t hearing anything. I was remembering those lips wrapped around my cock. I flushed at the memory growing even more erect in Spike´s presence. Had he really done that?

"Pet!" The sharp sound of his voice brought me out of my reverie and guiltily I met his eyes.

"Someone´s enjoying themselves," Spike said, delicately sniffing the air as his hand squeezed my buttocks. I licked my lips and though I tried to hold his gaze my eyes kept flickering to look at his mouth again.

"Spike, uh Master did you–"

"Suck your cock?" Spike lifted an eyebrow as I blushed a deeper shade of red. His hand reached around to grip my neck, squeezing gently. "Oh yeah. And you are a tasty treat, Pet. Moist and delicious one might say."

Spike grinned as I huffed at his comment recalling when I had said that to him myself. Before I realized it, his hand had lashed out and smacked my ass sharply as he stood up.

"Now, get a move on. You wouldn´t want to keep Angelus waiting, would you?"

"No! No, Master."

I scrambled from the bed quickly slipping into the riding gear. Once I was ready we headed for the stables. Angelus was waiting for us and the horses had been saddled. He held my horses´ reins.

"Ready to ride, boy?" Angelus asked me, handing over the reins as I approached my horse.

"Yes Master Angelus," I replied, stroking Ginger´s glossy flank. I looked up when Angelus moved quickly to stand in front of me. His hands gripped my face and he pressed his lips to mine. Surprised by the sudden kiss, my mouth opened beneath his and his tongue swept inside. He traced over my palate and tongue and teeth, mapping out every inch of my mouth with his tongue. I stumbled as he pulled away just when I moved to lean into him. Regaining my balance, I stared at him briefly before casting my gaze to Spike. My Master was as hard as I was, his erection strained against his pants and he watched Angelus with glittering eyes. He didn´t seem angry that the kiss had happened. It wasn´t often that Angelus touched me and even less often that Spike saw it. I was never sure what my place was with my Master´s sire. I watched in fascination as Angelus strode over to Spike and placed the same bruising kiss on him that he had on me. I sucked my lower lip in as I watched them. Angelus large body framed Spike´s and I felt my cock jerk at the sight.

"Hmmm, nice" Angelus murmured, stroking Spike´s face as he drew back from the kiss.

"Very," Spike replied. Silently, I agreed.

Angelus glanced back at me and I flushed beneath his scrutiny. My body heat leaped at the smile he cast my way.

"Let´s go."

Angelus swung himself up into his saddle, and rode quickly away, leaving the grounds. Spike and I followed suit.

WIP

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