Xanpet 14

"Ahhh!"

My hands flew up toward the sharp stinging pain in my scalp and connected with a strong hand fisted in my long hair. My fingers gripped a cool wrist and my feet scrabbled for purchase against the mattress, following the fierce pull of my hair as I was hauled from the bed and tossed to the floor. My heart thudded in fear and I froze, arms and legs akimbo as Angelus glared down at me. He snarled once then stalked over to Spike. My master had barely gained his feet when Angelus backhanded him. The crack of his hand against Spike´s jaw sounded inordinately loud in the room. Spike´s head rocked back from the force of the blow. I cringed, cowering against the side of the bed, hoping to make myself an insignificant blip on Angelus´s radar.

´Sire,´ Spike began. He didn´t get another word out; Angelus backhanded him again, this time he knocked his Spike to the floor. Angelus strode around to where I had crouched down. I cried out, raising my arms to ward off a potential attack. He sneered at me, his dark features twisted with anger as he grabbed me by the hair again. I scrambled along on my hands and knees as he dragged me to where Spike still sat on the floor. I tried to sit up but Angelus kicked me sharply in my ribs. My breath wheezed out. I gasped for air and my vision darkened slightly; the Master vampire was pissed. I didn´t try to rise again but turned my head to see what was happening. I watched in a mixture of awe and fear as Spike moved to kneel before his Sire. A bright streak of blood marred the pale flesh of his chin where Angelus had split his lip; his left eye was reddened and puffy. His bruises were already beginning to show; Angelus had hit him hard, both times.

´You´re little distraction has embarrassed me and this house, William. Did you think I wouldn´t learn of your failure?´

´Sire,´ Spike said firmly, not moving from his position. ´I´ve punished him for his disobedience.´

My mouth dried up as Angelus cast his dark–eyed gaze upon my back. He kicked, this time only lightly, at my legs.

´Lay out,´ he ordered and though I was unfamiliar with that command it was easy enough to guess what he wanted. I stretched myself out against the floor, belly down. The sweat that beaded my forehead pressed into the cold stone tiles; tension radiated through my muscles as Angelus walked around my sprawled form. Occasionally, the sharp toe of his boot would prod me until I moved as he wanted. Finally, I heard him sniff in disgust above me; I waited a breath before I turned my head slightly to see what he was doing.

´You´ve barely marked him Childe,´ Angelus said. ´He´s already healed.´

´I haven´t worked him hard yet, Sire,´ Spike said flatly. ´I didn´t want to… damage him.´

´He can tolerate more than this, Spike,´ Angel sighed, stepping closer to Spike. His hand came out and strong square fingers combed through Spike´s hair, cradling his skull. ´After all that I´ve taught you Childe, you´re still too lenient.´

I was looking right at Spike when Angel said that to him, disappointment dripping from his voice. I saw the shame that flashed across Spike´s features, before he raised a stoic façade.

´You have punished him for his insult against you but not for the slur his actions have set upon me and this house. Punish him again William,´ Angelus ordered, ´and do it properly or I will take you both to task.´

My eyes followed Angelus as he stalked from the room before I turned back to look at Spike. He shifted to where I lay and some of the fear that tightened my chest melted as he brushed a hand across my neck. I sighed then looked up at him.

´It´s gonna be bad, isn´t it Spike?´ I asked, though it was more a statement than a question. ´Spike?´ I reiterated when he said nothing, just continued to gently stroke my neck. His hand paused and he looked down at me.

Anguish flared briefly in Spike´s gaze before his blue eyes froze as quickly as Sunnydale Central Park pond had the Christmas that it snowed. My gut clenched with fear; his look answered my question.

´You told me you´d survive it, Pet,´ Spike spoke softly, ´and you will.´

I whimpered the first time I woke up. I didn´t have the strength to make more of a protest against the pain that throbbed from my shoulders down to the backs of my calves. I gasped harshly in the quiet of my room and wished for the oblivion of sleep. I´m not sure how much time passed before I heard the door open and someone came into the room. I turned my head, wanting to know if it was Spike, pain flared bright at my movement and stars shot across my vision before the encroaching blackness enveloped me.

Everything still hurt the next time that I woke. I focused all my willpower on breathing and moving as little as possible. I noted a pair of dark clad legs sitting in a chair beside my bed. I knew it wasn´t Spike. He was lithely muscular whereas this vampire´s thighs were broad and heavy. A hand reached over and gently rested against the back of my neck. I was startled to feel the warm, dry clasp of a human hand against my skin. He said something to me in French before standing up and moving around me, but I couldn´t understand him. Something was gently tucked under my penis and he tapped the side of my hip. I realized what he wanted and focused, biting my lip as urine trickled into whatever he´d placed beneath me; even pissing hurt. I struggled not to pass out when he jarred my body as he removed the container. My short, gasping breaths eventually settled out into a more regular rhythm.

I drifted a little. Vaguely, I heard him leave and return, moving around me but it was as if in the attempt to deal with the pain, my body had muted my other senses. I didn´t notice the scent of the soup until he sat down again very close to me and brought a spoonful of the spicy broth close to my face.

Blearily, I tried to open my eyes but couldn´t focus. I let my eyes drift shut then opened my mouth for the taste. It was an awkward angle and a portion of the broth dripped out onto a towel he had placed near me but the soup was good. I realized just how hungry I was so I ate what I could before falling asleep.

I woke to soft French words whispered near my ear. Whoever he was, Spike obviously hadn´t told him that I didn´t speak French well enough to understand him. I relieved myself and he cleaned me before dressing my injuries. I knew that Spike had made me bleed; I didn´t know how badly I had been cut though. I think most of the strikes that had torn into my flesh were on my back and shoulders rather than my legs. I wrinkled my nose as a foul smelling cream was gently smeared over my wounds before being covered with gauze. The doctor spoke to me as he worked; he didn´t seem put out that I lay awake but unresponsive. I was exhausted by the time he fed me again; I think I fell asleep while I was eating.

The next time I woke was when his hand shook my shoulder. I had healed significantly in the interim and all I could figure is that an entire day had passed. He helped me to sit up. I was surprised to find that the pain I´d experienced upon moving even slightly the previous day had faded to a dull ache. It felt like I had seriously overdone it at the gym while suffering from the flu. He helped me sit up against the head of the bed then fed me again. A solid meal as well as some liquids helped a lot. He stayed in the room with me but I was able to feed myself and used the chamber pot without assistance, though it took much longer than usual. I didn´t speak to him; I didn´t know what to say, or how to say it in French, but I was grateful that Spike had the forethought to have someone here for me when I woke up.

When I woke up the third day my human guardian had gone. The minions continued to bring food and water more often than usual but other than that I was back to my routine. There was only one difference; I had yet to see Spike. I thought I understood why, I just wish he wasn´t giving me time to get over the beating. I wanted to blame him for what had happened but I couldn´t. I didn´t feel as if it were his fault. He had already punished me; this beating was Angelus´s fault. I had figured Spike would show up once I was mostly healed and when he didn´t, I worried.

Frowning, I snagged an apple from the pile of fresh fruit the minions had brought in that morning and then wandered over toward the fireplace. It was warmer here and the random snapping of the fire and heat comforted me. I bit into the apple, staring into the flames as I ate. Spike would show up, eventually. My chest tightened slightly in fear as a bunch of ´what if´ scenarios with Spike dusted or hurt or the chip suddenly working again and Spike unable to defend himself, ran through my head. I couldn´t worry about ´what ifs´; however at the thought of being cast into Angelus´s care, I appreciated the fact that Spike was in charge of me here rather than another member of the Scourge of Europe. I threw the apple core into the fire and sighed, rolling my shoulders. I could feel the pull of my healing skin. It wouldn´t scar and even though the marks in my flesh faded, the memory of the punishment clung tight.

I knew I needed to write in my journal about what Angelus had ordered and what Spike had done, but I just couldn´t bring myself to do it, not yet. Tomorrow, I decided, even if I only got one sentence down, I´d start tomorrow.

Tomorrow came too soon. I sat at the table staring at my journal for what felt like hours and every time the minions opened the door my heart beat a little faster. I didn´t want to write this down; it had hurt enough the first time. I chewed on my lip and sat at the table, my journal open and the pens laid out. I didn´t even know where to begin but I had promised myself at least one sentence. Then I knew what sentence to write.

Spike hasn´t seen me for four days. That´s how long it´s been since he punished me, since Angelus ordered it. I´d rather not talk about it or relive it or write it down but part of me knows I should. I don´t hurt on the outside any more but my insides are tearing me apart.

Spike didn´t waste any time after Angelus had left. I would be punished and it was going to be much harsher than what I´d already endured.

´Stand up, Pet,´ he said. I quickly got to my feet, as if obeying him faster would somehow make him more lenient. He growled low in his throat and I know he smelled my fear. Spike barely looked at me before he moved to the door and ordered some minions. Not for the first time I wished I spoke French. A minion entered the room and handed Spike a key before retreating.

´Come pet,´ Spike said. ´Stand here.´

I tried to force back my fears by will alone; it didn´t work very well. The place he´d directed me to was exactly where I´d been chained when Spike claimed me. My muscles were tensed and I couldn´t convince my legs to follow his command.

Spike had moved over to the armoire and unlocked it, but the doors to that heavy piece of furniture remained closed. He glanced back at me then sighed walking back over to me. Cool hands gripped my face and I looked at him.

´You already know it won´t be easy,´ Spike said, brushing his thumbs over my jawline. ´If you tell me you won´t move, I´ll leave you unrestrained.´

I didn´t look at him but instead gazed blindly towards those hooks in the floor.

´Chain me,´ I whispered. I didn´t know what was coming but I doubt I could´ve stood still for the stropping he´d given me earlier. This punishment would be worse. It was nice of him to ask though. Spike gently tugged at my arms; I stood waiting for him to begin. I couldn´t see the armoire from where I stood; in retrospect, I think that was a good thing. Spike fastened leather manacles around my wrists and then attached chains to the rings in them. He leapt up to hook those chains in the ceiling above me. My ankles were also cuffed then tethered to the floor. I remembered the immobility from last time, I could move very little in any given direction. Spike´s palm lay against the flat planes of my stomach, calming me only slightly, before he walked back to the armoire. I couldn´t see Spike but I could hear him and my ears strained to pick up every sound as he moved behind me. I was surprised when he walked around to stand in front of me again. He held two items in his hand. One was a riding crop and the other was a coiled length of leather with a stiff handle.

´Pet,´ Spike said. ´I´ll start with this.´

I shivered as he ran the riding crop down the center of my chest to my navel before tracing the stiff leather around the curve of my hip.

´I´m going to strike you once with this, here, so you´ll know what it feels like.´

Spike looked at me, meeting my eyes as he lightly rested the crop against the side of my buttock. He waited until I nodded at him. In the next instant, he snapped the crop back then forward, hitting the side of my hip. I hissed between clenched teeth; even though I had expected the blow it didn´t lessen the pain. My ass flexed under the sting and when the hurt finally faded, I tilted my head toward the curled whip in his hand.

´What about…about that one?´ I said.

´I´ll use this for ten strokes. It will be the end of your punishment. You´ll only have to handle ten, Pet. I won´t strike you with this before then.´

I nodded, closing my eyes and trying not to struggle against my bonds as Spike stepped behind me. The muscles across my back knotted and I couldn´t help but rhythmically clench my legs as I waited for the first strike to fall. I gasped and arched my back when the crop trailed over my buttocks. Spike hadn´t hit me, though. Instead, he caressed the leather against my skin, over my back and shoulders before running it down my thighs, brushing my calves before rising again to cup the swell of my bottom. He moved, standing close enough that I could feel the chill of his body near mine. He stood back slightly and I whimpered, tensing with anticipation of the pain. I wilted in relief when he pulled the crop away from my skin. That´s when the first blow fell.

My hand was shaking. The strong lines of my usual penmanship had grown wobbly and uneven. I took a shuddering breath before I set the pen down. I clenched my fists on the tabletop, staring sightlessly at my journal. Several minutes passed before I grabbed the pen again and brought it to the paper. The nib stuttered across the cream colored parchment. ´Shit!´ I threw the pen down and it skittered across the table. I drew my elbows up onto the table and pressed my eyes into the palms of my hands until I saw stars. Goddamnit! I would do this. I clenched my teeth, stretching over to retrieve my pen.

The first hit struck me solidly across my right buttock. Spike didn´t let me recover before he placed a matching welt on the left one. I gritted my teeth, grunting beneath each blow. Spike focused on my ass, walloping my bottom with the crop until I was sure my buttocks glowed brighter than the fire in the hearth. Sweat prickled uncomfortably along my skin, but it was minor compared to the pain Spike lit on my backside with each strike of the leather. I never could have stood there unmoving while he did this. Even bound as I was; I struggled, fisting my hands and arching away as far as I could. I gasped, choking on my cries, when Spike stopped and stepped close. I felt the coolness of his naked belly near my flaming ass. I whimpered and arched my low back, pressing the painful heat of my bottom against his cool skin. I almost pulled away when I felt the hardness of his cock nestle between my legs but he wouldn´t let me. His hands pressed against either side of my torso, fingers caressing the ribs and muscles cast into relief by my upheld arms.

´Shh,´ he murmured. His hair brushed the side of my face as he spoke. ´You´re doing well, Pet. Tell me, tell me you´ll survive this. I want to hear it.´

The first time I tried to speak, I could barely wet my mouth enough to get the words out. For a moment, when he´d stopped, I thought my punishment was over. I couldn´t have been more wrong. My punishment had hardly begun.

´I´ll survive this, Spike,´ I whispered.

´I know you will.´

Spike combed a hand through my hair before he stepped back. I cringed as the crop sang through the air again. Now he covered my thighs with hits, then my calves. Every time Spike finished canvassing a body part with strokes he´d stop and curl into me, soothing the heat of my welts with his cool flesh. He would touch me and whisper to me. I didn´t know if that was worse, having him stop and reassure me rather than go until it was finished. Every time, before he began again, he made me repeat my earlier decree: I would survive this.

He didn´t just use the crop over me once. He gave me welts upon welts with that stiff leather. I was certain that blood mingled with my sweat, streaking down my back and thighs, pooling at my feet. I sobbed this out, begging him to stop. He reassured me that I wasn´t bleeding; that he hadn´t broken my skin. The unspoken ´yet´ hung in the air for a moment and then he continued my punishment. Spike finally came around, to face me. I wept with relief, certain that this was over, but I´d forgotten. I had yet to receive ten strokes with the whip. Gently, he reminded me. I begged. I´m not ashamed to admit it. At that point, I would have done anything to make him stop. He gripped my face, forcing my abject gaze to meet his. ´ Tell me again,´ he said. ´Say it.´ I could do nothing else. ´I will survive this,´ my whispered words fell from my lips in disbelief. I wasn´t so sure that I would anymore. Spike´s eyes flashed gold before he stepped away, moving behind me. A moment later, the leather tail cut into me.

I screamed as each stripe tore the flesh on my back. My voice broke by the fourth lash; I barely registered the last blow. Spike came around to stand in front of me. It was strange how the pain focused some senses sharper but blurred others. I couldn´t see his face but Spike´s pale skin was flecked with blood, my pain a polka dotted pattern over his flesh. Spike gripped my face and his one hand felt warmer; it must´ve been his whipping hand. He pressed his forehead against mine, so close everything blurred together.

´Look at me, look at me Pet,´ he ordered, holding my neck. It took a long moment but finally my eyes settled onto his. ´Tell me Pet, say it. ´I survived it.´

My breath hitched in my throat and relief filled me as I realized what he meant. It was over.

´I survived,´ my voice wasn´t even a whisper. I mouthed the words but I saw Spike´s blue eyes glitter with approval. I was hoping to be let down, but Spike didn´t free me. Instead, he walked to the door and spoke to the minions. My head lolled forward without his support. I barely had the strength to stand.

´Shh,´ Spike said as he returned to me, his fingers brushing back the sweat slick hair from my face. ´He´s coming now, then you´ll get to rest, love.´

I couldn´t open my eyes to look at Spike; rest sounded good though. The sound of Angelus´s voice pierced the haze of pain clouding my mind.

´Have you done as I commanded?´

´Yes, Sire,´ Spike replied.

´Go to my chamber Childe and make yerself ready,´ Angelus ordered.

I stiffened at that, a small physical protest to being left alone with Angelus. I heard a growl and wondered if they could smell the fear wafting from my bloodied flesh.

´Sire, my Pet,´ Spike began.

´You´re trying my patience Childe. I wil´na play with your boy much. Now go!´

´Yes, Sire.´

I heard Spike leave, the door thumping softly as it shut. My fear rose again as I realized that I was alone with Angelus. He didn´t speak at first, but circled my helpless form. He stood behind me, gripping my hips tightly.

´You, my boy, are causing me trouble,´ Angelus whispered harshly into my ear.

I didn´t understand. Fear and pain mingled and all I knew was that I´d rarely seen Angelus. How could I have caused him problems? I whimpered, pulled from my thoughts when I felt him drop to his knees behind me. His tongue stroked roughly up the length of my spine, traveling from the crack of my ass to the base of my neck. I could feel the torn flesh shift and sting under the weight of his tongue. I nearly threw up when Angelus stood up and faced me, his ridges and fangs prominent. Large, cool hands held my face before gripping my hair, arching my bare neck toward sharp canines. His tongue ran to the pulse beating wildly at the base of my throat, before tracing along the length of the vein to reach my mouth. I gagged as he pressed bloodied lips against mine, a parody of a kiss as his hand reached down to cup my genitals.

´Learn to mind your Masters and keep this pretty mouth shut when you´re told to,´ he breathed against my lips. "You may be a favored pet, but I won´t let you sully the house of Aurelius with your bad behavior."

I woke up the next day, in bed, with that human doctor taking care of me. Fast fading scars were the only reminder of the whipping I had endured. In some ways, I regretted their loss. I had survived it and though my body was physically healing, emotionally I needed that tangible reminder of what I had suffered. I startled, dropping my pen when the door opened. My heart paced faster; I hoped it was Spike but it wasn´t. The minions entered with food. My eyes flew wide when Angelus trailed in behind them. I don´t know where my actions came from, but I was thankful that I did what I did. I slid from my chair, dropping to my knees before Angelus. He stalked over to where I knelt, head bowed. He circled my body, similar to what he had done a few days ago, as I lay out on the floor and afterward, as I hung manacled from the ceiling.

´You´re healed.´

I couldn´t tell if he was making a statement or asking me a question. I bit back any snappy comebacks; somehow I didn´t think that Angelus would appreciate my wit. I was hoping for some inkling about where Spike had disappeared to; pissing Angelus off would not be conducive to learning my Master´s whereabouts. After his initial comment, Angelus spoke briefly with the minions, ignoring me. When he moved to leave, I didn´t think and gripped his hip tightly with my hand. He growled and snapped his fangs; yellow eyes glared down at me. My pulse throbbed wildly in my neck and I dropped my hand as if burned, turning my head I rubbed my face into his hip. ´Please, please, please,´ I begged inwardly, as I awkwardly caressed my face and hair into his jutting hip. I felt like an overgrown cat. I wondered if this action was Spike–centric and if Angelus had a clue as to what I was asking. I was disgusted with myself when I made a mewling sound of relief when Angelus´s hand dropped to pet through my hair. Perhaps it was for the best though because he chuckled above me.

´What, boy?´ He asked.

´Master Angelus,´ I whispered. ´I…haven´t seen Spike uh, my Master, for days, I–´

I didn´t have a chance to finish. Angelus´s hand turned my head so he could look me in the eye and he grinned.

´William must obey my wishes, boy. So he´s a bit tied up at the moment, but he´ll be back to coddling you in just a few short days.´

His large hand dropped from the top of my head to curve around my cheek. Instinctively, I turned my face into his touch, pressing my cheek against his hand. Where the hell had he sent Spike? And days? He said it would be a few more days before Spike came back. My stomach lurched slightly as I wondered if Angelus had sent Spike to fetch Darla and Drusilla.

"You like my touch, boy?"

I jumped, startled from my thoughts by Angelus´s voice. I hadn´t realized that I had planted the side of my face against his hand.

"I´m sorry," I cried out softly, pulling away hurriedly and dropping my head. "I´m sorry, Master Angelus!"

Angelus had a ugly temper and a creative genius when it came to pain and suffering. The last thing I had wanted to do was irritate him.

"No!" Angelus snapped out and I froze. "Don´t pull away," he commanded, giving me a small smile and gesturing with the hand that had lain against my face. I swallowed and tentatively brought my face to his hand once more, though now it was the last thing I wanted to do. I cringed in anticipation, expecting a blow to my face, similar to what he´d done to Spike previously.

"Ye dinna hae to be frightened of me," Angelus said, petting his hand over the side of my face then through my hair. I snorted at that, freezing when I realized what I´d done. Angelus surprised me however, when he began chuckling. I swear I could hear the Irish lilt that colored his voice in his laughter as well.

"Ye find that amusing, boy?" Angelus asked, tilting my head upward. I remained silent, staring into dark eyes crowned by thick brows. His hair was long and wavy; the untamed locks were so different from Angel.

"Answer me," Angelus ordered.

"I…it´s not like I have a choice," I said, my gaze didn´t waver. "You scare me, whether I want to be frightened of you or not."

"Aye, true enough," Angelus laughed again. He paused, his hand stopping in my curls along with his mirth. "Tell me boy, has William taught you to ride yet?"

My heart beat slightly faster in my chest and I could see the gleam in Angelus´s eyes. I tried not to worry, even as my eyes darted to his crotch. Hard evidence of his desire strained against his trousers. I tried to tell myself that Spike wouldn´t let that happen to me, not with Angelus, but Spike wasn´t here. Spike wouldn´t be here for a few days. I could feel the fear lightly sweating my brow. My previous reaction to that very same question had earned me a whipping. This time, I hoped I handled it better.

"No, Master Angelus," I replied tightly. I saw Angelus´s nostrils flare and he looked down at me quizzically.

"What´s wi´ you boy?" He asked. "Are you afraid of the beasts?"

"Beasts?"

I said that aloud, not even thinking in my confusion that I shouldn´t speak. I´d never heard a vampire call themselves ´beasts´ before.

"Aye, horses." Angelus stared at me. "What else?"

I flushed with the realization of what Angelus had meant. I´m not stupid. Adrian hadn´t been suggesting I learn to ride horses. I gave Angelus an embarrassed look; he could come to his own conclusion. I wasn´t about to answer him unless he made me. He took one look at my face and burst out laughing. I turned even redder.

"Well boy, now I understand why Will takes to you," Angelus said, still amused by my misapprehension. He slid his hand around to lift my chin. "No worries lad, you´ll be riding my cock soon enough. But horses first."

Still chuckling, Angelus turned away from me, snapping out orders to the minions. This was probably a lucky thing for me, otherwise he´d have seen the horrified look on my face before I could mask my reaction. Learning to ride horses was fine, great in fact, but I´d rather forgo the other riding lesson. I don´t think Angelus realized this, if the wide grin he turned to bestow on me was any indication. I gave him a timid smile in return.

Angelus led me over to the table where the minions had set out the food, insisting I eat before we went. He sat at the table and I wavered, unsure if I should kneel at his feet or seat next to him. A short wave of his hand directed me to the chair. I sat and a minion filled up my plate at his command, setting it before me. I couldn´t eat much. My stomach churned in his presence, the occasional touch tripping my heart rate up a notch. After I finished, the minion stepped out then quickly returned and said something to Angelus. He nodded, turned and threw a pair of sandals at my feet.

"Put those on and keep up wi´ me boy," he said, watching as I slid on the shoes, before leaving my room. Angelus moved quickly, striding through the halls of the mansion at such a speed that I could keep up, but I didn´t have time to take in my surroundings. He slowed down as we entered into a dirt hallway, the dank, musty smell unlike the rest of the house. I could barely see in the dim lighting and Angelus grabbed my arm more than once to keep me from stumbling over the uneven floor. He paused at a ladder until I got my bearings then quickly climbed up. I followed him, my sandaled feet uncertain on the wooden rungs at first as I moved. A door opened above our heads and my eyes narrowed at the light shining down into the darkness.

"Come now," Angelus said, reaching down and helping me navigate the last few steps into the stable. "You´ll get to meet your horse."

I smiled at him as he pulled me to my feet. The scent of horses and leather rose up strong around me and sharp hay pricked at my feet through the thin shoes. Angelus was already moving forward and I hurried after him, my eyes focused on the straw covered dirt of the stable floor, hoping I wouldn´t step into anything nasty. I wasn´t paying attention to where I was going, just following the very back of Angelus´s heels with my eyes and feet. I shouldn´t have been surprised when I ran into his back. I flushed and stumbled backward when he turned toward me, an apology perched on my lips.

"Ah now," Angelus said before I could speak, tipping my chin up so that I no longer focused on his feet. "None of that when you´re here. You´ll need your eyes up and aware if you´re to learn how to ride."

My eyes widened when he brushed his thumb over my lips, a smile playing about his mouth.

"Come here, boy," Angelus said, drawing his hand away as he stepped into a large stall. "And meet my own wee beast, Kate."

I was already flustered from bumping into Angelus and then the way he touched me had added to my anxiety. So my next reaction wasn´t so surprising. I turned the corner and followed him into the stall, only to stand stock still, eyes wide. The thing was huge! Angelus moved forward and started crooning to the horse and my anxiety gave way to incredulousness. He spoke in baby talk…to a horse. I couldn´t help the slight smile that curved my lips. Oh yeah, where was the big bad vampire now?

"Relax," he said, glancing back at me. ´She won´t hurt you.´

"I am," I replied, though my heart was beating a bit faster.

Angelus´s horse was the one that didn´t seem relaxed. Her eyes rolled in her head, showing their whites and she snorted out breath in great gusts of heat and damp air. One hoof pawed into the ground as she tossed her tossed her head. Okay, maybe I was a little tense around all that showy aggression, but who wouldn´t be?

"I can smell your fear and the scent will rile both of us up," Angelus chuckled,"and not in a good way for Kate. Now, come here and meet her. I want her to get to know you."

Angelus turned away from the horse, his hand stretching out toward mine.

´Uh, hey Kate,´ I said with a wave. I was calm, really, no matter what Angelus said he could smell. I was calm but I saw no reason to meet Kate close up. She could see me just fine from where I stood at the stall entrance.

"I just…wanted to introduce you to her." The sound of disappointment in Angelus´s voice startled me as he left Kate to stand by my side. I was so used to seeing Angelus get angry about things, it hadn´t occurred to me that he might feel upset or unhappy as well and he´d wanted me to meet his horse. Not be frightened of her like a young child.

"I´m sorry," I said, and then my mind took over my mouth. "It´s just that the closest I´ve been to a horse was the pony rides at the summer fair with Willow and I never got to ride but those were tiny and Kate is big and are they all that big, because I don´t know if I can–"

Cool, soft lips settled over my mouth, cutting off my chatter. I froze; my eyes unable to focus on Angelus as his lips moved against mine. I started when his cool, wet tongue lapped against my upper lip and then my lower lip, again and again, seeking entrance. Angelus´s hands cupped my ass in his palms, lifting me up to press my groin flush to his own. I hadn´t realized I was hard until my erection pressed firmly beside his. My hands unconsciously gripped his shoulders to keep my balance. He nipped at my lip, hard enough for me to open my mouth in surprised pain. Angelus took advantage of that, thrusting his tongue between my parted lips in the same rhythm that he thrust his pant clad erection against mine.

I made some sound deep in my throat when Angelus suckled gently on my tongue. Angelus moaned into my mouth and I shuddered. My eyes fell shut as his hands kneaded my bottom. I realized that I did that to him. Made him feel that way; he wanted me nearly as much as Spike did and that was a freaky thought.

Angelus´s lips and mouth muffled the tortured sound I made as that thought reminded me of my Master. I dragged my lips away from Angelus´s, arching my back and gasping for air. He sighed as he set me down. My stomach curled up weirdly at his reaction. His eyes were shiny when I looked at him again, his lips wet.

"I–," I whispered, shaking slightly before silencing myself, unsure if I could speak. I wondered if Angelus were angry, already sure that Spike would be furious with me when he found out what happened.

"Don´t worry boy," Angelus said, brushing the hair from my forehead. "William knows that I won´t overstep myself."

"But, but…"

"What?" Angelus asked.

"No–nothing," I stuttered, shaking my head.

"Tell me," Angelus said sharply. My gut clenched at how quickly his mood had changed.

"Why?" I asked, my fingertips brushing against my lips. It felt wrong that Angelus had kissed me and Spike hadn´t. I wondered at myself. Wanting either one of them to kiss me should feel wrong, yet it didn´t. It hadn´t.

I glanced up angrily when I heard Angelus chuckling beneath his breath. I thought he was mocking me, at first. "Don´t upset yourself over it," Angelus said, ruffling my hair. ´You just talk too much.´

I mouth fell open slightly at his statement, but Angelus was already moving on, leading me to my mount.

I grinned, listening to Angelus as we walked back toward my room. I never would have thought he could be entertaining but he´d surprised me. Not only had he outfitted me properly for riding but was teaching me himself. I´d learned a lot over the past three days not only about horseback riding, but Spike and Angelus as well. We were just returning from my lesson. My hair was mussed and I was covered in dust and dirt and smelled of the stables. I didn´t care. Since Angelus had started to teach me to ride I was no longer confined to my room and I didn´t want to do anything to lose that privilege.

Besides, it was during these times that I could see how much Angelus cared for Spike. I´d never expected Angelus to care for anyone or anything but himself. Yet, I could tell from his actions that he cared for his horses and me and the tales he told spoke of his affection for Spike. I´d learned more about young William in the past three days then I had in any of the Watcher´s journals I´d read.

"Aye, he was but three weeks old, I believe," Angelus said. "Could barely control his game face if he was too excited and I´ve had to distract him more than once when he´s been like that."

Angelus turned and gave me a lascivious grin, slipping in some fang. I just smiled and shook my head. I wasn´t sure what his relationship with Spike was but he liked to imply that they were close. He paused, crouching down and interpreting the story with his body as well.

´So, we´re laying in wait in an alley when a washerwoman wanders by, now usually you want to come in from behind but he was young and excitable. He leaps out in front of her, growling. The woman screamed loud enough to break windows and I could already hear people running nearby. Before he could go for her throat she tosses up the basket of clothes and runs."

Angelus started walking again and I fell in step beside him.

"Didn´t you?" I leave my question hanging. Angelus has never gone out of his way to tell me gory stories but neither has he hidden what they´ve done.

"Aye, normally I would have, but I took one look at my William and couldn´t stop laughing. He was still in his game face but covered in women´s knickers."

Angelus snorted, then started laughing again as he remembered the story he´d just told me. It was infectious. My lips quirked up, then I started laughing as well.

He paused outside my door and allowed me to enter first. Still smiling, I walked into the room then stopped dead. My cock instantly filled to bursting.

Spike sat on the bed watching us. I stood there for an instant, too stunned to respond before I rushed over to him, dropping to my knees and pressing my face against his thigh. He looked awful. His blue eyes were bruises in his sunken face and his skin was so pale he appeared nearly translucent. His hair hung limply around his face and it must´ve been days since he´d last fed. What the hell had Angelus asked him to do? Spike looked worse now than when he´d first been chipped. Anger at Angelus and worry for Spike warred within me as I pressed a palm against his hip, waiting for permission to speak. He held himself stiffly, not moving to acknowledge my touch. I wondered at that; if it were Angelus´s presence or something else that forced his rigid stance.

"Yes Pet?" Spike asked.

"Sp–Master," I switched to addressing Spike more formally when Angelus shifted in my peripheral vision, reminding me of his presence. I lifted my head to look at him but Spike only had eyes for Angelus. "Are you all right? What happened? Master Angelus said–"

"Shh," Spike cut me off but never once looked at me, nor did he answer my questions. I turned my head to look at Angelus as well, wondering what silent battle was being waged between them.

"I´ll send the minions with blood for you and food for your boy," Angelus said. Once Spike acknowledged his statement with a nod Angelus turned toward the door and left.

I lifted my eyes toward Spike´s, a hand tentatively reaching out toward his face. He raised his hand, wincing as he did so before clasping my fingers in his own. My eyes settled shut and my heart steadied. Spike was back and things would, hopefully, return to normal. I smiled, considering what had become ´normal´ in my life as I pulled his hand toward my face, tilting my head to press against his wrist. I frowned at the unfamiliar scent that filled my lungs and the rough skin that rubbed my face. My eyes fluttered open and I looked at Spike´s hand.

"Holy shit!"

My stark cry broke the silence and I yanked the cuff of his dress shirt away up his arm. I flinched just as he did. Angry, red abrasions circled the slender width of Spike´s wrist and though they were already partly healed they were still quite deep.

"Christ!" My thumb ran over the rough skin, the original injury must´ve reached down to the bone.

Spike didn´t say anything and I looked up at him again. I´m sure he could feel the weight of my gaze though he refused to meet my eyes.

"God, Spike, what did you have to do for him?"

I undid the cuffs of his shirt sleeves, revealing similarly scored flesh on the opposite hand before reaching for the buttons of his shirt.

"Pet?" Spike said softly, breathed it, in fact, as if speaking hurt him as well.

"Yeah," I replied looking up at him even as my thumb gently brushed across the unmarred skin of his wrist, just beneath the angry, red flesh.

"Don´t forget yourself, love," he said. "Undress me if you like, but yourself first I think," Spike smiled at me and I felt the answering grin that spread across my own face. I stood up and hurriedly stripped down, tossing my riding clothes to the floor. I wrinkled my nose at the ripeness of my own smell. I´d been working in the stables for hours. I came back to Spike, barely brushing my fingers against his hip.

"Yes, Pet?" He asked. He´d never sounded so tired to me. I swallowed back the fear at the thought of losing Spike. My what if scenarios rushing to the forefront of my mind? What would happen to me? Looking at what had happened to Spike I shuddered at the thought of being passed on to Angelus. I supposed if I got him angry he wouldn´t be as nice to me.

"I´m sorry, Spike," I said. "Angelus has been showing me the horses and well, I kind of stink."

He actually turned to look at me then, his eyes swept over my naked body and he took in a sharp breath of air.

"You smell fine, Pet," Spike assured me. I drew closer at that, and knelt before him again. His hand dropped to my hair before I could begin pulling my head close he dropped his face into the sweaty, dusty curls of my hair. He leaned on me, heavily enough that I wondered again what Angelus had ordered.

"I missed your scent," Spike said. He pulled away and looked into my eyes. "You´re healed?" He asked. "The doctor came and cared for you?"

"Yes, it…I don´t remember much about the first day but I remember he was there. I was healed by the third day."

"Good," Spike paused and then, "undress me."

I moved forward, cautiously undoing the ties at his neck. I untied the cravat and had worked only three buttons loose before I noticed. Abrasions circled low on his neck as well.

"Oh fuck," I said, bile rising in my throat. "Christ, Spike. What the hell kind of errand were you doing that this happened?"

"Errand?" Spike asked, cocking his head at me. "Why do you say that?"

"Angelus…I asked him about you. I was worr…wondered and he said you were doing something for him. He never said it was dangerous."

"Ah. Finish the buttons, Pet," Spike ordered. I obeyed, dropping forward to catch and pull the buttons through their closures.

"Hmm, do you remember exactly what Angelus said about me?"

I pulled away, unable to answer through a mouthful of fabric, thinking of what had been said.

"Uh, he said that you had to obey his wishes….that you were tied up for a few days, I thought…"

My eyes widened as Spike began to chuckle at that, a sinking feeling settled in my stomach. His laughter had a slightly unbalanced edge to it, like he might not be able to stop. I looked at him, placing my hands against his knees and stared into his eyes. Slowly, he calmed down, one hand moving to rest on top of mine. I squeezed his knees then leaned forward, undoing the rest of his buttons before I pulled open his shirt. I pulled back when his shirt fell open, dropping my gaze.

"Oh God!" I cried out, jumping to my feet. I raced to the door, not sure what I was going to do until I got there. I grabbed the first minion I saw, a tall, lean vampire that stood just outside. He snarled at me, his fangs dropping as I gripped his arm. I wasn´t impressed.

´Bain and sang, and hurry up!´ I yelled in his face, roughly pushing him toward the door. Somehow, in my panic, I remembered those two words in French. He glanced over at Spike, who nodded at him and said ´Maintenant´. He turned away, hopefully to do my bidding since Spike had approved it.

"It´s not as bad as it looks, Pet," Spike said.

"I don´t care what you think," I said snappishly. "You look like shit and I can´t imagine it took this long for Angelus to order some blood and food for us. And I…I need to clean you up."

"Vampire, Pet," Spike said. "These won´t get infected." I could hear some of the usual smirk in his comment.

"Shut up, Spike," I said angrily.

"Pet," Spike´s inflection turned sharp and I knew he wasn´t pleased with my attitude. I couldn´t help it. Angelus had abused him because I´d screwed up. God. I paused, staring at Spike. Angelus had done this to him. Had tied him up for days while I´d been coddled with a doctor and horseback riding lessons and food. I walked back over to where Spike sat; my fingers reached forward, jerking back before I touched him. Large, purpling bite marks scored the flesh of his torso. Circled his nipples and his navel. A deep abrasion circled his neck.

"Let me do this," I said softly, not looking at him. Not really asking for permission because I intended to do this anyhow. Before Spike could answer me the door swung open and minions entered, bringing in a large metal tub. Others followed behind carrying hot water and a second, smaller, tub. My steps towards them stuttered when a young woman was hauled into the room, hands and feet tied, her mouth gagged. The blood dropped from my face, landing somewhere around my toes. I hadn´t thought about the fact that Spike´s blood would be a person, someone who had a mother and father, perhaps children of their own.

´Wait!,´ I said. ´Can you drink from me instead?´ I whispered.

´Not as much as I need,´ Spike answered quietly. I cringed at that. Unlike this poor girl, at least I would have healed.

I swallowed nervously, watching Spike as they brought the girl to him. He dragged her across his lap. She was terrified. Her eyes rolled wildly, the whites prominent as she struggled. Perspiration shone lightly on her skin in the low illumination provided by the gaslights and her hair clung damply to her scalp. I opened my mouth but nothing came out; I didn´t know what to say. I didn´t want Spike to kill her; hell, I´d prefer he didn´t hurt her at all. His gameface had already pushed to the forefront. He moved so quickly, I gasped as he buried his fangs in her neck, swinging away from the gruesome sight.

I killed this girl. I shivered at that realization, feeling sick as sounds of Spike suckling from her body filled the room. Bile rose in my throat when I heard Spike´s voice, already sounding stronger, order the minions. I heard them shuffling and could only assume that he´d had them remove the body. I hunched slightly, my eyes screwed shut. I didn´t want to face Spike; I didn´t want to see them carry her corpse away.

"Pet?" Spike addressed me.

"Yes," I said, acknowledging him even as I faced away.

"She´s not dead," Spike said.

"What?" I turned around and could immediately see a difference in Spike. His skin was slightly flushed, his eyes bright. He was still injured, the abrasions and bites stood out starkly against his skin but he looked better. "She´s….she´s not?" I asked, my voice low and desperate.

"No," Spike said, then warned, "but that won´t always be the case."

"I know," I walked over to where he sat, kneeling at his feet. "Thank you, Master."

I bared my neck as I finished my statement. I´d never been more sincere. Spike needed blood and time to heal; I never thought he´d leave her alive for me when he was so desperate. This was the least I could do. I shivered when a cool finger traced up my collarbone, sighing in relief when Spike leaned down, fangs tracing along my neck before piercing the skin. I felt slightly dizzy when he pulled away. His tongue brushing over the rapidly healing wound at my neck. Finally, he sat back, looking at me for a moment before he spoke.

"Going to finish what you started, Pet?" Spike asked, sliding the shirt from his shoulders.

"Don´t," I touched his shoulder with a shaking hand, before sliding my palm down his arm to carefully pull the fabric over his abraded wrists. "Let me."

I moved to the other side, gently sliding the shirt from his body. I crouched down, removing his shoes and instead of using my mouth, as I had been taught, I pulled off his socks and undid the laces of his breeches with my hands. I had more control and was less likely to hurt him. His ankles had been restrained as well; the deep rope burns circled above each foot.

"Can you stand?" I asked Spike somberly. He nodded rising to his feet his hands rested on my shoulders and his weight pressed into me. I gripped and tugged from side to side using my teeth until the pants slid from his lean hips to pool around his ankles. I should´ve been prepared for the damage to Spike´s legs but I wasn´t. I inhaled sharply in shock then stood up.

"Let´s get you into the tub," I wrapped an arm around his waist, trying not to look at the bites that ran along the insides of his thighs, or the four large yellowing bruises semi–circled in a path over each hip that were obviously fingerprints. Spike needed my help again and I let him lean on me as we walked over to the tubs. I chose the larger one to start. There was also a short table with a pitcher and soap and washcloths set out on it. Maybe I could use the smaller tub for myself after I´d helped Spike. Spike took a moment to get his leg over the high edge of the copper tub, but finally sighed and settled into the steaming water.

"Better?"

"Lovely, Pet," Spike said. "Join me?"

"Uh, I need to clean you up and we should get some medicine or something for the bites and abrasions."

"Don´t really need it," Spike said. "And I want you to bathe with me, so hop in."

Spike´s voice brooked no argument.

"Okay, just let me get what I need first."

I pushed the table with the supplies next to the tub and brought several of the towels closer before I stood beside the tub.

"Uh, where do you want me?" I asked, looking skeptically at the tub. It was large enough for one, but not for two.

"Behind me," he said simply, scooting forward to give me some room. I stared for a moment at his back. The bumps of his spine were visible, disappearing beneath the water and the sleek expanse of pale flesh was marred by the occasional bite mark. Angelus was nothing if not thorough. Spike´s blue eyes looked up at me and I realized that I hadn´t moved. I stepped over the edge of the tub and settled in behind Spike, trying to ignore the arousal that speared through my body when he leaned back slightly as I sat, causing my cock to ride across his back before pressing tightly against his low back. I bit back a groan at the sensation but was unable to prevent the flood of precum that spilled forth. I gasped then groaned as Spike wiggled against me, slipping lower in the water to rest his head against my shoulder.

"Pet," he said. "You going to wash me?"

"Yeah," I breathed out, thinking I could once I had some semblance of control established here. It was hard to believe that I´d gone three days without even thinking about coming, and here I was holding onto my control by a thread. I frowned a bit later as I lifted the soap and washcloth. I glanced back at Spike´s injuries and there was no way that the rough fabric of the cloth wouldn´t hurt.

"Spike I–" I stopped and started again. "The washcloth will probably hurt. Do you want me to use it?"

Spike was drifting, his head thrown back over my shoulder, his neck bared to me. His eyes fluttered open, the bright blue gaze catching mine.

"Doesn´t matter," he said.

I glanced at the abrasions and bites on him and without a word hung the soapy washcloth over the edge. I soaped up my hands then shifted to drop the soap to the table. I didn´t want to touch his injuries right away. I knew he was a vampire and that he´d say it didn´t matter, but I didn´t feeling comfortable hurting him anymore than Angelus already had.

I reached a hand to his neck, stroking my fingers and palm over the wet flesh above his injury before gliding them over his face. I mapped his small chin and the sharp cut of his cheekbones, which were even more prominent since he´d been malnourished. I lifted my hand to his forehead, brushing over his brow and across his nose.

"I´m going to do over your eyes now," I warned him. Spike grunted in response and I took that as an okay to slide my palm over one eye and then the other.

"Rinsing," I said softly, cupping water in my hand and pouring it over his face. It took several tries, since I was only using the one hand but soon the soap was rinsed away. I did my best to wipe away the excess water from his eyes before adjusting our positions. I pushed gently until Spike shifted to sit directly in front of me; his back arched forward, lean hips cradled between my thighs. I soaped my hands and brought them down to his shoulders, rubbing soapy circles over his skin. Spike´s head tipped forward, revealing the rope burn that circled his neck and his hands gripped the sides of the tub. His shoulders didn´t have bites on them and I scrubbed more firmly there. He groaned as I massaged into the muscles. I paused, uncertain whether he was hurting or not.

"Are you okay?"

"Mmm, oh yeah, Pet," Spike said. "Feels bloody wonderful."

I tipped my head in acknowledgement, even though Spike couldn´t see me do that and worked the tight knots in his muscles more firmly. I meticulously avoided the area around his neck until I was finished. Even then, I moved my fingers across the gash in his skin with the lightest touch.

I scooped up water, rinsing the foam away from Spike´s shoulders and neck before washing the rest of his back. I was always cautious near the bite wounds, careful not to press too hard. The prominent ridge of his spine startled me. I couldn´t believe how thin he was.

"Lean back against me," I told him, gently pulling him toward my chest even as I spoke. Spike did as I asked, setting against me with a tight wiggle. I inhaled sharply and without thought said, "You´re doing that on purpose."

"Of course, Pet," Spike replied, slowly swiveling his backside against my groin, stimulating my erection, which was pressed between our bodies. His head dropped back over my shoulder and he cast a blinding smile at me. "Feels good, yeah?"

I grunted, not denying his assertion. I picked up the soap and treated his chest to the same tender ministrations as his back. My fingers traced the deeply bruised bites that circled each nipple. I smiled when Spike moaned softly and arched into my touch. Now that, I know, didn´t hurt him. I brought my hands back up and stroked down the length of his arms, always careful of his wounds. I couldn´t really reach his legs, not from sitting behind him.

"Spike," I said. "I need to move around to reach your legs."

He seemed a bit groggy and I was pleased to see that the bath had relaxed him. I ran a hand over his forehead, slicking back his hair.

"Your legs," I repeated. "I can´t reach so we have to move."

"No," Spike said, sitting forward. "Stay there and I´ll do it."

I handed Spike the soap and watched as he grabbed the washcloth from the edge of the tub and vigorously scrubbed his legs and thighs. When he finished, he tossed the rag toward the edge. It barely caught, hanging there precariously before flopping wetly to the floor. Spike didn´t seem to care and settled back against my chest with a sigh.

I remembered when Spike had bathed me, washing my genitals as well. I lightly ran my hands over his chest again, rubbing gently across his stomach and dropping lower and lower after each pass. He didn´t stop me when my hands dropped beneath the water. I paused, there, nervous yet curious about touching Spike. It didn´t make any sense. I´d had Spike´s cock in my hand on innumerable occasions, so why did this feel so different? I ran my fingers over his navel, dipping in once before reaching lower to catch his cock in my fingers. I was shocked then surprised at the disappointment I felt; Spike wasn´t hard. I stroked him as if it had been my intention all along to clean his penis. My hand dropped lower, cradling his balls in my palm, shifting them slightly. I felt Spike flinch, but his cock twitched and when I looked at him, he didn´t seem to be in pain anymore. I pulled my hand away but a warm wrist gripped mine.

"Not gonna leave it half done, are you Pet?" Spike asked.

"You want me to jerk you off?," I said sourly, even though I had started this, not Spike.

"No, just soap a hand and clean further back, yeah?"

I looked at him in confusion for only an instant before I grasped his meaning. I was already warm from the water but Spike chuckled knowingly as an embarrassed flush crept over my skin.

"You want me to do that?" I asked.

"Asked, didn´t I," Spike said. I shrugged, reaching for the soap. I could do this, we were already in soapy water and Spike was a vampire, it´s not like he´d be that dirty. I lost most of the soap as soon as I submerged my hands and Spike lifted up and back, so I could reach. I palmed his balls again, only for an instant before gently running a finger along the seam of his ass. Spike didn´t respond to my touch and I slid forward again, pausing when I felt a swelling. I didn´t mean to do it, but must have pressed more firmly against that spot because Spike hissed at me.

"Gently, Pet."

"Sorry," I said then realized what that must be. "He bit you there?" I asked incredulously, my fingers returning to that spot and stroking with a feather touch. Spike didn´t answer me and I finally pulled away.

"I´m sorry," I spoke softly, hoping he believed me.

"Not your fault, Pet," Spike said.

"How can you say that?" I asked angrily. "It´s obvious that he did this because of me. Because of what I did."

"It´s not your fault," Spike repeated.

"But I–"

"Enough!" I heard the sharp tone of command in that word and fell silent. Spike´s hands drew mine in again, my palms pressing against his stomach.

"It´s okay, Pet. Tell me about your time here," Spike said.

"I don´t remember much, about that first day," I began but Spike shook his head at me.

"Not that," he said. "I meant your time with Angelus."

I froze. Spike wanted me to tell him about Angelus. I clenched my jaw against the anger that swelled up inside me. I had enjoyed the time I´d spent with Angelus the past three days, only now my memories were shadowed by the guilty knowledge that Spike had been brutally abused during that time.

"I don´t want to talk about it." My voice was cold and controlled.

"He didn´t hurt you." Spike stated that, it wasn´t a question but he was looking at me for confirmation.

"No," I answered tightly, wishing Spike would drop the subject.

"So, tell me, what did you do?" Spike asked again. "I know he spent time with you."

"C´mon, let´s get out," I said, changing the subject. "The water is cooling off anyhow. Let´s get you into the next one while I scrub off then we can wash your hair. Okay?"

Spike grabbed my arm, stopping me.

"Pet," he said. Anger and worry and hurt wrapped up in that one word.

"What?" I bit out. "You want to hear how I had fun with him while he was torturing you? How he made me think you were okay when you weren´t?"

Spike´s eyes widened slightly, the only thing that told me my outburst had surprised him.

"Spike, I´m not…I don´t want to talk about this," I sighed, rubbing my eyes before looking at him again. "Let me help you into the other tub."

Spike must have agreed because he stood up. I emerged first, shivering as the air chilled the water from my skin. I slipped an arm around Spike, helping him into the next tub, though he was already standing stronger. The blood had made a significant difference already.

"I´ll be back," I said, returning to the gray water in the tub we´d just shared. I snagged the cold wet cloth from the floor, hopped back into the tepid water and scrubbed myself down as quickly as I could. I wanted to erase any lingering scent of Angelus or the horses from my skin. I kneeled down and splashed the water over my soapy skin, rinsing myself off then dousing my hair before standing to face Spike. I stalled where I stood, pinned by Spike´s lustful blue eyes as he lounged back in the smaller tub. My eyes flickered to his groin then back to his face.

"Don´t worry about that, Pet," Spike said, waving toward his groin. I don´t know how he knew I was concerned by his lack of arousal. Perhaps he could smell it, or saw it in my face. I´d just never expected to see him limp, especially when his eyes glowed with desire. He´d never been flaccid around me before if that look shone in his eyes. It worried me because I considered it an indication of just how injured Spike was.

I stepped from the tub, toweling myself dry before bringing the pitcher over to Spike. I filled it with the clean water from his tub. He closed his eyes, dipping his head forward. I poured the tepid water over his lifeless locks, thoroughly wetting his hair before lathering, rinsing and repeating the process.

"Time to get out." I brought him to stand on a towel I´d set on the floor. I dropped to my knees, drying him off from the feet up. I finished toweling his hair dry and led him toward the bed when a knock sounded at the door.

"I got it," I said, making for the door. Spike gripped my forearm.

"Pet, it´s best if I answer," Spike said. "It´s for me anyhow."

"Spike, you´re not even comfortable standing, why don´t–"

"Pet," Spike interrupted, his fingers stroked across my forearm, "Angelus has sent dinner, for me."

My mouth opened, but nothing came out. "Oh, uh, yeah…okay." I mumbled, pulling away from Spike. I watched from the bed as Spike walked to the door, stepping from the room naked. I tried not to think about what he was doing out there. He reentered soon after, looking flushed and healthier. He walked over and stood in front of me. I tilted my head up to look at him.

"Feel better?" I asked then winced at the question. "Don´t answer that, I can tell just by looking at you." I sighed, rolling to my feet. "Get in bed. I can put some of that cream on you that you used for me."

"Never pegged you for the mother hen type, Pet," Spike smirked.

"Yeah, well, I have a vested interest," I declared as I picked up the jar of cream from the nightstand. "You´re the only person here who really knows me, so I´m all for keeping you around."

Spike just smiled as he lay back, as if he knew my explanation was all grunts and postures, rather than the truth. I unscrewed the cap, picking up a generous dollop of the goopy substance with my fingers. I reached for one of Spike´s wrists.

"You´ll let me know if I hurt you?" I asked, resting his hand on my bare thigh.

"Vampire, Pet," Spike said. "Some pain is fine."

"That´s not what I asked. Will you let me know? If it hurts?" I asked again.

Blue eyes flickered open and settled on my worried gaze.

"If you insist, Pet," Spike said.

"I do."

Once Spike said he´d tell me if I hurt him, I tenderly dabbed the cream onto his injured wrist, before smoothing it out with the lightest touch I could manage. I worked silently, moving around his body and picking up more cream with my fingers for every bite and abrasion that I covered. I asked Spike to move when I needed him to. It actually wasn´t that bad. His wrists, ankles and neck were abraded but I could see that he was already healing from those injuries. The bite marks were worse, circling nipples and navel and lining his inner thighs. He had a few on his back as well and the one on his anus that my fingers had found while we were in the tub. My eyes tended to flicker toward Spike´s groin as I touched him and I noted, not without some satisfaction, that Spike was getting hard as my fingers lightly caressed the cream into his injuries.

"Spike," I whispered, not wanting to disturb the restive state he seemed to have fallen into.

"Hmm?" he mumbled, turning his head slightly toward me but not opening his eyes.

"I´m going to have to move your legs, to reach the bites on your inner thighs, okay?."

"Mmm hmm."

I wasn´t sure if that was a yes or no at first, but then Spike´s legs shifted open slightly. I moved between his thighs, setting the jar of cream nearby.

I lifted his legs, resting them over mine. I sighed at the bruises that decorated the soft flesh of his inner thighs. Gently, I smoothed the ointment over his skin. I´m sure Spike was right, he was a vampire and I doubted that the cream would do anything to heal his injuries. Applying the cream to his hurts made me feel better though, easing my guilty conscience for enjoying Angelus´s company and not worrying about Spike when I should have. I knew the kind of vampire Angelus was; I never should have believed him when he made it sound as if Spike was okay.

I rubbed some cream into my palm and coated his testicles. Spike had one bite there and I shivered at the memory of Angelus´s grip crushing my genitals. I had one more bite to treat and I coated my finger and slid it between the curves of Spike´s buttocks. I smoothed it into the swollen area. I frowned, because it felt different from the other bites. Maybe it was a perverse curiosity on my part, but I scooted forward, which caused Spike´s legs to fall further apart. Gently, I parted his cheeks with my hands but could see no bite. Instead, the tight ring of his anus was raw and very swollen. I frowned lifting my head to ask Spike what the hell Angelus had done to him when the bruises on his hips caught my eye. Fingerprint shaped bruises, circling his hips in such a way that he must´ve been gripped from behind. It didn´t click until that instant and I cursed my naivety when it came to Angelus. My hands slid away from Spike´s body, clenched into fists at my side.

"He raped you." I accused hoarsely, my voice rough with anger and my body shaking.

"That bastard!"

I slid out from beneath his legs.

"Torturing you wasn´t enough. No, of course not. Not for Angelus. He had to rape you too. I don´t believe this. He´s your Sire and you," I turned around to glare at Spike, my finger pointing at him accusingly. "You love him anyhow."

I paced back and forth across the room as I ranted, my hand diving into my hair. Occasionally I glanced at Spike´s lax form, wincing at what I saw, bile crawled up the back of my throat as I imagined what had happened.

"It´s not like that,´ Spike said.

I had continued cursing Angelus under my breath, knowing that Spike could hear me just fine. I froze at his softly spoken words.

"No?" I snapped, turning and facing him. "He didn´t rape you? Then what? You gonna try to tell me you were naked and accidentally fell on a candle, Spike?"

I glared at Spike. It was so fucked up. I wasn´t mad at Spike but I was pissed. I could see the smile twitching at the corners of his lips.

"It´s not funny," I huffed, then, more softly, "he hurt you."

"I know," Spike said. "It wasn´t unexpected, Love, and I´m a vampire. It´s different."

"Not unex–" My voice faded away at Spike´s words and my arms came around my chest.

"You knew," I whispered. "You knew he´d do something like this."

"No, not this exactly," Spike said, pushing himself up to sit in the bed. "But I expected something."

"I…" I didn´t know what to say to that, no, I did.

"It was my fault." It was. Spike suffered because of my impetuous actions. "He raped you and it was my fault."

Spike sighed, and gestured for me to come to the bed. I shook my head, refusing his request.

"I can stand up and make you, but I´d rather you obeyed me."

"I just…"

"Come here," Spike said, softly, hand held out in entreaty.

I tried to swallow down the guilt and shame that I felt as I walked over to Spike and held his hand. He smiled at me, tugging me onto the bed. I sat by his hip, not looking at him.

"Pet, it´s not your fault. You weren´t ready to meet Master Adrian. I knew that. It was my mistake."

"But I–" I started to argue.

"No," Spike interrupted me. "Not your fault. This was my responsibility."

"I´m sorry, Spike," I whispered.

"You´ve nothing to be sorry for, Pet. I´m his Childe and a vampire. We like things rough and we like blood."

I shook my head. His Sire had hurt him because of me, what I´d done. Spike´s hand on my bare thigh pulled me from the contemplation of my guilt.

"Enough of that now," he said, as I met his eyes. "No more guilt, yeah?"

I snorted. It´s not that easy to turn on and off.

"Yeah?" He asked again.

"I´ll try," I said. Spike nodded at me. I cleared my throat, the first to look away. "C´mon," I said. "You should rest."

Spike smiled and lay back down on the bed, his arm held open to me.

"Lay with me," Spike said.

I nodded but made sure Spike was comfortable first before I tentatively settled down beside him. I was afraid of leaning too much weight into him, and held myself stiffly away from him on my side. I still had an erection and my cock occasionally brushed against his inner thigh. Even though he expected it of me, I felt as if my arousal were a cruel reminder of what he had endured. I tried to arch my hips away from him as best I could. Spike sighed, and in a quick gesture, pulled me on top of his body.

"Spike, no," I protested trying to raise my weight off of him using my hands.

"Shh, stop," Spike said. "I´ve fed, now, Pet. I´ll be fine."

I took a few minutes, but I stopped trying to fight the grip of his arms around me. Gently, I settled my weight against his frame, my penis stiff between his thighs. His hands ran over my back lightly, tracing the length of my spine.

"So, Angelus is teaching you to ride?" Spike asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"Yes," I replied, not offering any more information.

"And it was…okay?"

I frowned at the slight pause in Spike´s question. I wondered what he was really asking.

"Yes," I replied, truthfully, "it was fine."

I could feel Spike relax beneath me and my chest tightened when I realized that he was worried about the time I had spent with his Sire. And really, who could blame him? Angelus hadn´t exactly treated Spike well, so why would he treat Spike´s Pet any better.

"He never hurt me, Spike."

I turned in his arms, meeting his eyes.

"Not like he hurt you."

"Pet, I–"

"Shh," I pressed my fingers against his lips. Full lips, pinked up from the heat of my body and the blood he´d drank. I brushed my thumb against his mouth, gently, slowly. "Shh," I whispered. "Spike, what happened, it wasn´t your fault either. You´ve done nothing, never could, to deserve what he did. Not your fault."

Spike stared at me, his blue eyes dark in the low light. We didn´t speak but what I wanted was clearly written on my face. I wanted Spike to touch me, I wanted him to want me the way he usually did. This was wrong, Spike not reacting to my presence, to my touch. My cock ached and I realized that I wanted Spike, too. I wanted to erase Angelus´s touch from his skin with my own, so that Spike would desire me again.

I dropped my head and brushed my lips against the bite marks purpling the skin around his nipple. My hands moved to clasp his torso, holding him as I pressed the lightest kisses against his chest, against his bruises. His legs shifted restlessly beneath mine. I panted against his skin as the faint friction teased my hard cock. I could taste the faint medicinal flavor of the ointment I´d applied to his injuries as I catalogued the bites I could see with my mouth. More than once I felt his hands come up to hold the back of my head before dropping away again, as I moved over him. His entire body froze, then stuttered beneath me when I first pressed my warm lips to the cool flesh of his inner thigh. I smiled against his thigh, as the faint moan that I heard from him made me press my own dick hard into the mattress. I trailed my lips up first one thigh, and then the other. I paused at his testicles, inhaling the clean scent of soap and arousal. I lifted one globe, the one that Angelus had bitten. I pressed my lips against it, the lightly furred sac tightening beneath my touch.

I sighed, my breath gusting over Spike´s balls before I moved up slightly, to rest my head against the curve of where Spike´s groin and hip met. My eyes were closed, but I knew that the sight of his erection would greet me were I to open them.

Spike´s hand combed through my hair as he waited. I wondered how long he would wait before asking me to take him in my mouth. I could feel his thighs tensing beneath me and he was catching breath he didn´t need in short, occasional pants. My eyes were closed tight and I realized that I was being a cocktease. When I had started this, I hadn´t any intention of giving him a blowjob. At least, I don´t think that I did. I´m not sure what else I thought would come from kissing his thighs, his balls. I just wanted things the way that they had been.

"Pet, what are–"

I moved, more quickly then what he was used to, I think, by the startled look in his blue eyes.

"No!"

My voice was low and fierce as I spoke. I lay against the length of his body, the palm of my hand hard against his mouth. It would´ve hurt a human but Spike seemed oblivious to the pressure. Spike stared at me calmly. I pressed my forehead to the cool skin of his chest, breathing in his scent. I never thought I´d do this willingly for Spike. For an instant, it made sense; I was hard and horny and Spike felt good under the weight of my body, his erection pressed hard into the soft skin of my belly and it felt right, being here with him like this.

"Just let me," I muttered dropping my head to his bare chest. "Let me…"

My lips were close to his nipple and before the last syllable fell silent I latched onto the flat nub, sucking it hard into my mouth. Spike groaned and I could feel his breath on my hand against his lips. I moved it then, sliding it down over his jaw, along his neck, pressing the feel of him, bone and muscle and skin, into my hand. I flicked my tongue fast against his erect nipple before drawing back and laving it with broad, languorous strokes of my tongue. I shifted, pressing my cock into the crease of his thigh. Spike´s hands came down, squeezing my hips harshly, holding me tight against him. I groaned in protest under my breath, looking up at him because I could no longer move as I wanted.

Glittering blue eyes met mine and I swear that he was waiting for me to meet his gaze because in that instant he thrust up against me, hard. I gasped, my eyes falling shut as my cock slid along his flesh. It was tight and damp and just hard enough to send sharp tingles from my cock to balls to spine. I shivered and moaned with frustration when his hands held me firm, preventing me from replicating his movement with one of my own. I glared up at him and a smile played about his lips, the tip of his tongue caught between his teeth. His eyes glittered but now from amusement as much as arousal.

He was playing with me. I narrowed my eyes then dropped my head back to his chest. A moan sounded above me; followed by a sharp inhalation as I bit down around the tender flesh of his other nipple. I smiled around the nub of flesh then frowned, noticing that I wasn´t being as gentle as I should with his injuries. I pulled back, watching as I breathed soft, warm air over the wet flesh. His nipple stiffened and I gently brought my hand up, thumb brushing over the sensitized flesh as I trailed kisses down his abdomen. I outlined the muscles of his stomach with my mouth, and as I moved lower I could feel his penis brushing the underside of my jaw, the wet tip painting my skin. I finally lifted myself up slightly and looked at his erection.

Spike´s hands ran over my shoulders and into my hair as I stared at his penis. His thick cock stood with the slightest upward curve. The foreskin was pulled back by his arousal; the tip glistened and I wondered if I could do this. Taste Spike. I glanced upward at him. Spike had raised himself up onto his forearms and was staring at me, blue eyes flashing in the low lighting. His tongue touched his upper lip as I moved closer, my mouth nearly touching his glans. We stared at each other as I inhaled, opening my mouth. Peripherally, I could see his body tense, unneeded breath catching. I raised an eyebrow at him, then smiled, breathing hot air around the head of his penis. Spike growled and his eyes flashed gold at me.

The next time I breathed out, I tentatively touched the tip of my tongue to the vein set along the underside of his cock. I pulled back closing my eyes as I tasted him. Spike. Master. Lover. Vampire. Enemy. I did it again, running my tongue along his length. He tasted of soap and water and my sweat. My eyes moved toward head of his erection, glistening with pre–come. I pressed my lips together slightly before wrapping a hand around his cock and leaning up to stroke my tongue over the head of his penis.

"Fuck!"

Spike´s shout echoed in my ears but I was too busy thinking about what was now on my tongue, in my mouth, to acknowledge his response. Salty and yet, kind of sweet, the taste of kettle corn flashed vague through my mind and I chuckled. It wasn´t quite right because there was some bitter there too. Not as awful as I expected, though. All in all, I was pleased with my progress if slightly dazed by what I was doing.

"Something funny, Pet?" Spike asked.

I realized that I was holding his cock and chuckling. Probably not something you´d normally do to a master vampire. I gave him a goofy grin before lapping lightly at the head of his cock again.

"Kettle corn," I said, staring at him with a little smile after smacking my lips. "I think you taste a little like kettle corn."

"Is that a good or bad thing?" Spike asked quizzically, eyebrow raised.

I guessed that he´d never had kettle corn. I shrugged, gently taking the head of his cock into my mouth again and suckling on him. My hands fell to the side of his hips. I could feel him, sliding against my tongue; I played with the collar of loose skin that circled the head of his erection. I think he liked it because his penis jerked sharply in my mouth, and I could feel a lukewarm spurt of precome coat my tongue. I lapped hard against the underside of Spike´s cock then, listening to him moan as I did it. I breathed out through my nose in a pseudo sigh. This wasn´t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Spike´s hands gripped my hair firmly but not too tight and I could hear him. Small moans and gasping pants poured over me, echoed by his body and cock. The sounds inflamed my own arousal and I pressed my erection hard into the bed. I could feel a damp patch spreading out beneath me. I imagined how this must feel and groaned around Spike´s cock.

He thrust up, driving his erection deeper. I gagged, pulling off as his thick flesh tried to force itself down my throat. My eyes watered as I coughed until the sensation had settled.

"You okay, Pet?" Spike asked, his hands caressing my face and jaw and neck.

"Uh, yeah," I mumbled. "Just wasn´t ready for that to happen."

I stroked Spike´s cock, not wanting to suck him anymore if he was going to do that.

"Gonna try again?" Spike asked softly.

"I, uh, didn´t like that," I said, stupidly. I don´t know of anyone who liked to gag. I wondered if I had done that to Anya and not realized it. "Can you not do that?"

Spike chuckled at me.

"I can try, but when it feels good, it happens."

"It was good?" I asked, pausing as I looked up at him. It struck me then that I was laying there on the bed with Spike´s cock in my hand and the taste of his pre–cum in my mouth. I thought how I should be panicking now or at least freaking out but I wasn´t. I was strangely content, deeply aroused, very curious, and somewhat proud of myself.

"Oh yeah, Pet," Spike said, his voice sultry and his eyes heavy. "Very good."

I smiled at his compliment but frowned when I thought of taking him in my mouth again. I didn´t mind the taste of him, liked the fact that I could pull those quiet moans from his chest when I sucked him but I didn´t want to choke again. Spike seemed to sense my hesitation and whispered to me.

"Here, try this," Spike wrapped his hand around his cock. "Wrap your lips around and bring them down to touch my thumb and finger."

I wondered if this was an order before gingerly doing as he asked. Once again, the head of Spike´s penis rested against my tongue. I sucked against him, feeling as well as hearing his moan. I shifted, until I lay on the bed again, able to get some kind of friction on my own cock.

"Yeah, that´s it. Now keep your lips touching my fingers."

Spike´s hand moved. He stroked himself and I did my best to move with him. At first, he barely moved his hand and I hmmed again, feeling competent at what I was doing. Soon, though, he moved lower and though I moved with him, it became more difficult. Spike seemed recognize this, because he never tried to force his cock deeper then what I could manage.

My tongue began to tire and my jaw started to ache and just when I thought I couldn´t do any more, Spike tensed. His penis swelled and jerked against my tongue; the first cool jet of semen splashed against the back of my mouth. I made a sound of protest, pulling back against the hand that held me there while he shot again and again, filling my mouth with his cool cum. I struggled against his hand, desperately trying to pull off but Spike just gripped my hair tighter and I closed my eyes and tried not to throw up.

He sighed, his weight heavy on the mattress but he still didn´t release me. I whapped his hip and groaned at him; the grimace on my face was obvious. Spike released me, only to pull me up the length of his body. I fought him, trying to lean away. Didn´t the idiot know I had a mouthful of cum I was trying to get rid of, I wondered?

"What´s the matter with you?" Spike asked, but he let me go just far enough. I spit onto the floor, figuring we could have the minions clean it up. I hocked, spitting again. That was just…gross, I thought with a grimace. My mouth felt slimy and I grabbed a corner of the sheet on the bed and ran it over my tongue trying to get rid of the feeling. When I got as much out as I could I turned around to face Spike only to see a look of shock on his face.

"What?" I said, making a face.

"Didn´t realize you didn´t swallow," Spike said matter–of–fact as he shrugged his shoulders.

"How could you not realize that?"

I wasn´t looking at him and wondered if I could or couldn´t stand his taste on my tongue. The little bit of precome I had swallowed was nothing compared to him coming in my mouth. Now that I had wiped away some of the strong taste, I wasn´t sure how I felt about what I´d just done.

Spike growled fiercely, not giving me time to brood about what had happened. My heart jumped when he rolled me over until he lay on top of me. For an instant, I thought he was pissed off at me.

"So," Spike said, his hand drifting down my body, to cup and roll my testicles in his palm. "This is quite a pair on you Pet, just going for it. I´m impressed."

Spike´s hand weighed and caressed my balls before moving up to stroke my cock.

"It wasn´t…planned," I panted as he picked up a strong rhythm, stripping my cock.

"Now, don´t forget, Pet," Spike said while he watched me. "You´re not allowed to come, not without my permission. I wouldn´t want to have to punish you after such a beautiful first time blow job."

"Spike!" I gasped, glaring at him. Spike dropped his head, lapping at my neck and jaw and face. Sweat beaded my forehead and I was already so close to shooting. He was moving hard and fast purposely, bringing me right to the edge quickly. I gasped out, feeling my balls contract slightly and desperately tried to stave off the inevitable.

"Please!" I sobbed, my hands coming up and scrabbling against his back. I wanted more and less and to come and to hold off, just a little longer so he wouldn´t have to punish me.

"Please what?" Spike asked, nipping at my ear.

"Please, let me come," I panted out against him, my moans and gasps of pleasure sounded more and more strained as I struggled to keep myself from spilling into his hand. Spike´s hand was cool and perfect. I watched as Spike shifted so he could see himself stroke my cock and when his tongue came out and slowly swept across his lower lip, I found myself barely holding on to my control. He brought his eyes to mine again.

"Are you talking to me?" Spike´s voice was calm and quiet, as if none of this affected him.

I moaned; my hands shot up to grip Spike´s head, pulling him down. I forced his lips to rest against mine. He froze but I kept moving, thrusting into the tight channel his fist created for me.

"Please, Master," I panted softly, against his mouth, sure that he could smell himself on my breath. "Please let me come." I smiled smugly when Spike´s cock twitched against my leg.

"You can come," he said hoarsely.

I closed my eyes, balls drawing up hard at his words. I groaned as my cock spasmed powerfully in his hand, all the worry and guilt shot out of me with my come, splashing hotly on my chest. I moaned as Spike continued stroking me, milking me for more until I finally had to pull away. He sighed and lay down against my chest. I ran my hands over his back, frowning when I felt the bumps of Angelus´s bites marring the smooth surface of his skin.

"Master," I said softly. "Tell me something?"

"Yeah, Pet," Spike answered me but he already sounded half asleep.

"Did you survive it?" I whispered into his hair, my hands never stopping their gentle exploration. Spike lifted his head and looked at me.

"I survived it, Pet," Spike said with a small smile, before dropping his head to my chest and swinging a leg over my thighs.

I could tell when he´d fallen asleep, his weight heavy and unforgiving against me. My hands stroked over his flesh and I murmured it again and again until I fell asleep as well.

"We both survived it. We survived."

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