Xanpet 13

My jaw dropped. I stared at Spike then swung my head to look at the butler who was pointedly looking elsewhere before dragging my eyes back to Spike. I took a breath but before I could say anything Spike interrupted me.

"Strip," he repeated, his voice cool with anger.

Spike´s eyes narrowed on me. My breath caught in my chest and I pressed my lips together. He was pissed because I told that prick of a vampire where to go. I still couldn´t believe that Spike would allow someone to treat us like that. Even if that someone happened to be a Master vampire as well.

I crossed my arms over my chest; my actions answered his command. He couldn´t really mean for me to undress here, in the doorway. A dark smile lifted the corners of Spike´s lips and he snapped out a command in French to the butler before speaking to me. The servant immediately departed through the doors to the lower level.

"When I command you, I expect that order to be obeyed, immediately. That´s twice, now, you´ve blatantly ignored my bidding."

By the time he´d finished the sentence the door to the lower rooms opened and the butler, as well as the minions who usually took care of me, entered the small area. Spike said something and they simply nodded then moved towards me. My eyes widened when I realized that they were here to strip me, whether I was willing or not. I faltered in the face of that threat; I dropped my arms and opened my mouth again then closed it. I backed away from the fledges, glancing at Spike. The look on his face prevented me from saying anything. Before the minions could reach me, I turned to Spike defiantly and unknotted the cravat at my neck with sharp jerky movements. Spike snapped out a command and the minions held back.

Blood suffused the skin of my face and throat; my pulse throbbed at my neck. With a sharp slap of fabric, the cravat slid from around my shirt collar. I narrowed my eyes at Spike and tossed the scrap of silk to him. He let it fall to the floor. Screw him. The least he could do was have a real reason to be pissed at me. The rage I felt made my hands tremble as I reached for my shirt. I glared at him as I bypassed the buttons, ripping the shirt open from the neck. The silk shield covering my chest fell from my shoulders, fluttering to the floor. I kicked it away from me. Spike´s eyes glittered from blue to yellow then back again as he watched me. I kicked off my shoes, smiling evilly when one hit a minion, before peeling off the socks next. I didn´t bother to look at Spike again; he wasn´t going to grant me leniency in this matter. I tugged at the buttons that ran up the side of my britches. Several of them popped off, to ping softly against the floor. I skimmed the trousers down my legs, kicking them away as well. If Spike thought he could cow me in this way, he was mistaken. Naked, I faced Spike; my hands clenched in fists by my sides.

"Happy now?" I snarled at Spike.

"Every word from your mouth worsens your situation." Spike´s voice was so soft, making the threat that much more intimidating. "Stand facing that wall," he ordered, pointing to a short stretch of wall devoid of furnishings.

I stared at Spike who stared back at me. I felt a shiver of apprehension run through my frame at his cold stare. Finally, I huffed out an angry breath and swung to face the wall. The minions reached for me, but I shook them off throwing Spike a look. He said something and the minions backed away. Spike moved close to me. His booted foot nudged my bare ankles apart before he stretched out my arms, pressing my palms to the wall at shoulder height.

"Stand still," Spike said sharply, stepping away. I stopped moving. My breath shuddered in my chest and I pressed my forehead against the wall in front of me. All of my muscles were tight as the ensuing silence stretched on for what felt like an eternity. I couldn´t hear Spike behind me. I waited for what seemed like hours; I couldn´t take it anymore.

"Spike?" I asked, not even sure if he was there to answer me anymore.

I heard the crack of sound first; then came the pain. Flaring bright in it´s intensity, it burned the soft skin at the back of my right thigh. I cried out, spinning around to face Spike after that first hit.

"What the fuck are you doing!" I shouted.

"Administering your punishment, Pet." Spike shrugged nonchalantly, holding a length of stiff leather in his hands. "And now that you know what your punishment entails, should you really be speaking out of turn?"

My eyes widened in shock at his words. Spike was going to beat me? After all he said about not hurting me and protecting me. Fear gripped me and without a thought for my nakedness and mere mortal speed, I made a dash for the front door. Spike picked me up easily. His arms sweeping beneath mine to wrap around my chest.

"No! NO!" I shouted, struggling against his grip, writhing wildly. He passed me off to the minions who dragged me over to the wall that Spike had indicated earlier. They stood on either side, pressing my wrists against the smooth surface with their hands, while trapping my ankles between their feet. My body twisted in a lewd bid for freedom as I fought them, desperately pulling against their grip on me. I would have bruises on my wrists again. I gasped, fighting back the panic that tightened my chest and throat.

Additional strikes, more painful than the first quickly followed.

"Spike, stop! Oh god, I can´t….Please!"

I fought against the minions as Spike methodically covered the backs of my thighs first, then my buttocks and calves with short sharp hits. The blows came unbelievably fast and were searing in their intensity. My voice became hoarse from shouting and my pleas degraded into incoherent sobbing. I didn´t realize at first when the beating stopped. My face was wet from tears and snot ran from my nose; the backs of my legs burned fiercely. Crying, I turned my head, rubbing my face into my bare shoulder. I wasn´t prepared for him to start again. My thighs were already inflamed from his first attack, making this second round of hits hurt even more. I no longer had the strength to struggle and simply grunted under the force of the blows, my body jerking in reaction to the assault. When he stopped once more, I slumped against the wall, sniffling loudly.

"I said stand still."

A cry caught in my throat and I froze, terrified to move at all. I was afraid to breathe, that somehow the rise and fall of my chest would mean disobedience and more pain. I inhaled short shallow breaths, waiting for the next series of strikes to begin. Long moments later, Spike pressed up behind me, his arms wrapping around my chest. I couldn´t stifle my sob as his rough clothes rubbed against my abused flesh. I looked down and another choked cry burst forth at the sight of the leather strop still held in his hand.

"The minions will take you to your room. You will make yourself presentable, then kneel on the floor and wait for me."

I didn´t even have time to think about what he´d said. Spike left and the minions pulled me away from the wall and herded me down the stairs. At least they were letting me walk this time. My legs burned as I shuffled along the corridor. I didn´t know how else to describe it. The skin felt hot and tight. I knew that I had to be covered with welts. I stared at my feet and sniffled, rubbing my hand across my nose as the minions directed me to my room.

A basin of warm water and two small towels were brought for me soon after we arrived. The minions didn´t leave me alone. They stood nearby while I bathed away the sweat and tears that clung to my skin. I didn´t even attempt to wash the backs of my legs; I feared that I would see blood smeared on the pristine white towel. If that were the case, I´d rather not know. As soon as I finished cleaning myself, the minions cleared away the dirty water and towels. I expected them to return shortly but they didn´t. I looked longingly at my bed, wishing I could crash there, face down and just sleep forever. Instead, I cautiously moved to kneel on the floor, placing myself so that I would be seen as soon as someone entered. I quickly learned that sitting down on my heels was not an option. My bottom was too sore to rest on my heels. I knelt up even though the hard stone pressed cruelly into my knees and waited for Spike. After a while, my muscles began to shake with the effort to remain kneeling. I was so tired. My legs throbbed and my knees ached. I desperately wanted to lay down, even on the floor, but was too afraid to do it. I couldn´t believe that Spike had beat me. This wasn´t a spanking meant to embarrass me, this was meant to hurt me and the worst part was that I was trapped here. There was no escape. He could do whatever he wanted to me. So I knelt there and cried silent tears while I waited for my Master.

I don´t know how long it was before the door opened and quiet footfalls sounded against the stone floor. My tears had long since dried up; my welts had cooled to a low smolder. I felt hollowed out. I wasn´t sure it was Spike because I wasn´t hard. When I realized that, I hoped it wasn´t Spike; he would probably beat me again for that. My heart sped up at that thought and I listened to whoever it was walk over to the bed; the mattress and covers rustled as they sat down. I didn´t move.

"Pet," Spike spoke softly. "Come and undress me."

I cringed when Spike´s voice sounded in the silent room. I stood stiffly, willing myself to get hard, hoping that it might make things easier for me. My knees ached and I winced as they protested the movement. Small riots of pain broke out across the backs of my legs as I gingerly shuffled over to where Spike sat and without a word, carefully knelt between his widespread thighs. His hands reached for me and instinctively I cowered away from him, only to whimper and kneel up when my sore bottom harshly hit the back of my heels.

"Pet, look at me," Spike said.

He reached for me again and I struggled not to move, one way or the other. I flinched when he tenderly cupped my face in the palm of his hand. I swallowed, wondering if he was going to mention that I wasn´t hard, or the fact that I still hadn´t looked at him yet. Spike stayed silent and I finally lifted my eyes to meet his. His blue eyes were shadowed with concern as he looked at me. I turned my head away from the lies in his gaze.

"Pet, look at me," he said again.

I turned my head back to Spike only briefly. I couldn´t bear to look at him. He acted as if he´d done nothing wrong; as if nothing had changed between us. Everything was different.

"Pet, you have no reason to fear me," Spike said.

I didn´t say anything. What could I say? He had hurt me and he could do it again, right now if he wanted to, with or without provocation. I stared at the bed between his thighs, frowning. There were several frayed threads poking out haphazardly from the coverlet and my hands tingled with the desire to tug at them. I tilted my head pensively, wondering if the entire blanket would unravel if I pulled at those strands long enough.

"Pet, look at me."

Spike snapped sharply, startling me. I leaned away from him, kneeling up, shivering sporadically, staring at him blindly. Suddenly, making Spike angry could mean a lot more than just losing my journal for a few days or even a spanking.

"You´ve been reprimanded for your actions. That´s over now, it´s in the past and you won´t be punished again without cause."

I stared at Spike silently, doubting his words. His eyes glittered in the dim lighting. He´d obviously fed before coming to see me; his skin was still pale but tinged a healthy pink. I shivered beneath his stare, wondering how long it would be before I pissed him off again.

"Come here," Spike ordered. I quickly shuffled over to rest between his thighs. I tensed when cool hands came up to grip my shoulders. Spike rubbed soothing circles over my shoulders and down the length of my arms. It was a long time before I relaxed into his touch. Spike´s hands worked upwards again, until he stroked along the length of my jawline.

"Do you understand, Pet," Spike asked, "that you won´t be punished without reason."

"Ye–yes, Master," I answered an instant later, barely a whisper. I doubt a human would have heard it.

"Do you believe me?" Spike asked. "When I say that?"

My mouth fell open then closed again as I looked away from him. No, I didn´t believe him. Maybe he believed that but I´m sure his concept of what constituted a punishable offense and mine were dramatically different. But I knew what Spike wanted to hear.

"Remember Pet," Spike reminded me, "always be honest with me."

I knelt down, hissing slightly as I cautiously sat back on the soles of my feet. I wrapped my arms around my torso. It took a moment for me to work up the courage to answer Spike truthfully.

"No," I whispered hoarsely, staring at Spike´s feet, "no Master, I don´t believe you."

Spike didn´t say anything; I could feel his eyes staring at my downcast head. My muscles knotted across my shoulders and my gut twisted as I waited.

"Right then," Spike finally said, speaking softly, as one would to a skittish animal. He pulled away from me slowly. "You have yet to undress me."

I relaxed slightly at Spike´s command and began efficiently removing his clothing using only my mouth. The routine of undressing him settled my nerves. It was familiar and comforting. Spike was naked a short time later; I knelt before him and waited. He stood up and walked behind me. Then I heard him open the door and quietly order the minions.

"Up onto the bed Pet," Spike said as he returned. "Face down."

Spike must´ve smelled my fear because he quickly moved to my side, running his fingers through my hair. He pressed my face against his bare hip; I leaned on him.

"Shh, hush," Spike murmured. "Don´t be afraid. The minions are bringing an unguent. I didn´t break the skin but I want to take care of your welts."

"Thank you, Master," I sighed in relief before slowly climbing onto the bed. I groaned as my battered body sunk into the comfort of the mattress. I grabbed one of the pillows and tucked it under my chest, curling my arms around it.

I heard the minions return but didn´t open my eyes. Spike spoke to them quietly. The door softly thudded closed in its frame and Spike returned to my side. I tensed again as his weight settled on the mattress by my side, clutching the pillow tightly against me, my eyes squeezed shut. I jerked in surprise when his hand fell to my hair.

"I didn´t mean to startle you," Spike said, combing his fingers through my hair, tucking the strands behind my ears. His hands never strayed past my waist yet I lay tense beneath his fingertips. "I´m going to start working the ointment in. It may hurt at first," Spike warned.

"Okay," I murmured, disquieted by the thought of more pain.

"Try to relax," Spike said as he rolled from the bed. "This may be cold, but there´s not much I can do about that."

"Uh, Master," I said still feeling the slow simmer of my legs and ass. "I´m thinking cold would be a good thing for me right about now."

"Right you are then," Spike said. I gasped when cold cream dropped onto the back of one calf and then the other. He began firmly working the liniment into the taut skin. Breath hissed out from between my clenched teeth as flash fires of pain flared beneath his massaging fingers. I wished he would work more gently, but was afraid to say anything. I pressed my face against the fullness of the pillow, muffling my gasps of pain. Whatever tears I couldn´t help, soon dampened the fabric.

"You okay, Pet?"

"M´fine," I said tightly. Spike´s hands paused in their massage only briefly then continued. I started when Spike´s hands kneaded over my bottom, pushing myself up onto my forearms. I clenched my buttocks together when his thumbs rubbed along the crease of my ass.

"Relax," Spike said, his finger running along the sensitive skin between the cheeks of my ass.

"I, uh, don´t think I have welts there," I said shakily, wishing Spike wouldn´t touch me there.

"I know that, but I want to do this," Spike replied. "Relax for me, Pet."

I couldn´t do it. Spike sighed at the tension gripping me then stepped away from the bed. I sighed in relief and finally lay lax in the bed.

"Let´s try again, Pet, this time spread your legs," Spike ordered.

"Sp–spike?" I asked nervously.

"No worries, told you what I want to do," Spike answered. "This should help."

I resisted when cool hands gripped my ankles.

"Pet?" Spike said coolly, his tone of voice reminiscent of earlier. I let him manipulate my legs where he wanted them. Soon, my legs lay spread eagled on the mattress. I couldn´t help the reflexive tightening of muscle when Spike sat on the bed again, between my widespread thighs. His hands skimmed over my hips and legs before returning to my bottom. He pressed his thumbs between the globes of my buttocks, firmly massaging the cream into the crack. I flushed under this treatment, but with my legs spread wide there was little I could do to prevent his touch there. I gasped, tensing again when Spike´s fingers gently lifted and massaged my testicles in his oily hands. Spike did this for a long time, massaging my legs and ass until I was limp beneath his touch and no longer tensed when his fingers dove between the cheeks of my ass, or lifted and gently fondled my scrotum.

Finally, Spike stopped and I turned my head watcing as he wiped his hands off on a small towel before tossing it to the floor. He gave me a small smile as he stretched out beside me whie I stared at him, his finers combing through my hair.

"You hurt me, Spike," I said softly, the betrayal I felt evident in my eyes and voice. Spike breathed gently before answering me.

"You disobeyed, Pet."

"Yeah, but I didn´t think…" I swallowed thickly, looking away from his piercing eyes.. "I didn´t realize you´d hurt me like that."

"How else did you think you´d be punished?"

I shrugged at that.

"Not like that," I replied. "Take my journal. Leave me alone, maybe. Like you´ve done before."

"Hmm." Spike continued to lightly brush his hand through my hair, trailing the tips of his fingers over the back of my neck. "None of those were serious reprimands, Pet," Spike said. "And your behavior tonight warranted a stronger warning."

"A warning?" I choked out, shocked. "That was a warning? Because from this side of things, that was brutal."

Spike took my face in his hands briefly.

"As my claimed, you´re not quite human any longer Pet, that means you heal quickly and can tolerate more pain than a mortal."

"You know, I suspected as much, about the healing thing," I replied, gently pulling myself free of his hold. "The whole ´last scar ever´ kind of clued me in. But…I´m not a vamp, right Spike?" I asked. "Not a vamp?"

"No, Pet, not a vamp."

"Okay then," I muttered to myself. "Yeah. I can deal with that."

"Can you?" Spike asked sharply. "Because that means you can easily withstand beatings that would usually maim a mortal and while I may not treat you that harshly, Angelus very well could."

I blanched at that pronouncement. I was still in pain and kind of shocky from what Spike had done. I couldn´t even begin to imagine what Angelus would dish out were I to displease him. I tensed, then looked at Spike.

I clenched my jaw, "I´d survive it," I gritted out, knowing that this was true. "And I don´t just mean physically."

"I believe you, Pet," Spike said.

I nodded at the look in his eyes, then cuddled back into my pillow. Spike´s hand drifted down from my hair to stroke over my upper back, and along the hills and valleys of my spine. I started when Spike rolled over and straddled the backs of my legs but he was careful not to add any pressure against my sore skin. I felt him move, then gasped when his cool tongue ran over the dip of my lower back, just below my waist. He sucked lightly on the skin there. I felt my cock start to harden at his caress.

"Tell me, Pet," Spike asked. "Did you ever notice a method to my madness. Every reprimand has a reason, did you know why you were being punished when I would remove your journal or pens?"

"Uh, no," I replied, not sure what Spike was getting at.

"You´re not allowed to use what´s mine, Pet," Spike said, his hand pushing beneath my hips to palm my erection. I groaned in frustration, trying not to react to Spike´s touch. "Not without asking and, quite frankly, I´m upset over you taking liberties with something that belongs to me."

Spike´s hands pushed against me and I followed his direction, rolling over onto my back. I winced when my welts pressed into the blankets. Spike knelt over my upper thighs and my half hard cock curved toward my hip.

"I´ve been letting you get away with quite a bit, Pet," Spike said, resting his bottom against my thighs. "Losing your journal or pens for a day or so is a small price to pay for…self gratification." Spike smiled at me as he ran a cool finger up the length of my erection.

My eyes widened as I made the connection. I hadn´t realized that those small losses were a result of something I had done. I had always thought my things were taken away arbitrarily unless I´d done something obvious to displease Spike. I froze, my body going tight again at the thought of another beating.

"You´re not going to," I asked shakily, my heart jack hammered in my chest. "I mean, you won´t…" I couldn´t finish the statement. I hoped that I´d get a chance to rectify the situation. I mean, I didn´t have to jack off, especially if it meant I would be punished for it.

"Hhh, shhh," Spike said, his hands smoothing over my hips and thighs before he tangled lean, pale fingers into the short tight curls framing my penis. "I´ve decided to deal with this bit of disobedience in a different way."

"You won´t, won´t hurt me again," I asked. "Will you Spike?"

"I´m sure you´ll warrant yourself punishment again, Pet. But not now, not for this," Spike gently tugged my pubic hair; the sensation stimulated me further and my cock stood straighter. "I have something, more fun in mind."

I shivered as Spike´s lustful gaze roamed over my bare form before settling on my erection.

"Definitely more fun," Spike reiterated as he began to stroke my aroused flesh. The rough pad of his thumb crossed over the head.

I gritted my teeth, clenching my fists as he slowly tugged his fist up and then down my hard penis. Spike watched as I struggled to resist the pleasure that welled up inside me. He sighed as his hand slowed.

"We´ve been over this, Pet," Spike said softly. "Let´s not rehash it, eh?"

"Hash what?" I gritted through clenched teeth, trying to ignore my body´s demands to press into his touch, to take what Spike so willingly wanted to give.

"This," he said, highlighting his comment with several languorous strokes over my cock. I whimpered, arching into his touch before I could stop myself and pull away. "We´ve already had this argument and I won, remember. You like me to touch you, end of story."

I crossed my arms over my face to hide myself from his eyes; he was right.

"Pet?" Spike asked; I shook my head, not responding. I heard him sigh before stretching his naked length out beside me. It felt like summer shade, the coolness of his body pressed against mine. He bent his knee, insinuating one leg between mine. His weight shifted and even though my arms still blinded me from looking at him, I knew he had propped himself up on one hand.

"Stop staring at me," I whispered, from behind my arms. I didn´t want to deal with this, not now, nipping on the heels of the first real hurt Spike´s inflicted on me since I´ve been here. I was too weak to fight myself and him.

"You´re ashamed, Love," Spike whispered gently. I dropped my arms, certain blue eyes met my startled gaze.

"Go away, Spike."

My throat tightened and I swallowed, closing my eyes. He was right. I was ashamed. A finger tip traced against my eyelashes before following the curve of my lips.

"And it´s not about being naked or being hard," Spike continued. "Near as I can figure, you´re ashamed because you get hard for me."

"That´s just it!" I said, opening my eyes as I pulled my face away from his touch. "You taught me that, to be hard. It´s not me. It´s not."

"It´s you now, Pet," Spike said. "And that could only happen if it was you before, at least enough for my claim to hold."

My breath hitched in my throat at his comment. Had I been attracted to Spike before and not known it? I didn´t want to believe that I´d had an inherent desire for Spike all along.

"Does it matter anyhow?" I scoffed. "This is just a curse, right? The whole damn thing. And this," I said, waving a hand toward my erect penis. "This is not real and it´s…it´s not right, Spike." The plaintive sound of my voice wavered near whining. I didn´t mean to whine, but I couldn´t help it.

"Ah, straight to the heart of the matter, so to speak," Spike replied. "I´ll address the easy one first"

"No," I protested when Spike bent his head to my neck, his lips worried the pulse that beat there, but I never felt the dull press of his human teeth. "Please." I swallowed when Spike´s hand swept over the curve of my hip to cup my genitals in his hand. My cock practically leapt into his palm, jerking toward his hand.

"Feels pretty real to me, Pet," Spike said. "Does it feel real to you?"

"Uhh," I grunted, unable to voice a coherent comeback.

"Pet?" Spike asked again, drawing his hand away. His fingers drew random designs against my thighs. "I´m waiting for an answer."

"Yes!" I hissed. "Sure as hell feels that way now."

"Good," Spike stated, pulling me in close to his chest once more. "Second issue, it´s not right," Spike whispered against my neck. "Well, I hope I can dissuade you of that notion over time. There´s nothing wrong with giving your Master pleasure. And it´s right to enjoy my touch and my body."

I shot Spike a confused look. What the hell was he talking about? Spike´s eyebrow arched.

"You´re the one who said it wasn´t right," Spike replied. It took me a second before I realized what Spike was getting at; a small smile twisted my lips when I figure it out.

"My best friend´s a lesbian, Spike. Do you really think I still have gay issues at this point?"

I thought that Spike would see the humor in my comment, instead he moved to lean over me, his arms braced against the bed framing my shoulders. A frown furrowed his features as he stared down at me. Spike opened his mouth to say something once, then twice before he actually spoke.

"Then why won´t you let yourself take pleasure from my touch?"

I wasn´t sure I could believe the look in Spike´s eyes; if it was feigned he was a damn good actor. He seemed truly upset that I spurned his overtures. I sighed and lay heavily into the mattress when Spike pulled himself away from me slightly, a hurt look on his face.

"You fed," I said. "Before coming to see me. Didn´t you?"

"I have to feed, Pet," Spike replied. "I´m a vampire, remember?"

"Can I ever forget that?" I asked rhetorically, rolling from the bed to my feet. I think I made my point. "You said it yourself, I´m a white knight; I can´t….can´t pretend to accept what you do, what you are."

"I´m not asking you to," Spike said, stretching out comfortably atop the bed.

"Isn´t that what this is?" I asked.

"I´m more than just a vampire,Pet. That´s what this is, a man is more than the sum of his parts."

"You´re not a man," I argued.

"No, but aren´t I more than just a vampire?" Spike queried. I frowned then paced slightly away from him, thinking about what he´d said but not sure what he meant. Spike´s voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Are you beginning to feel better, Pet?" Spike asked.

"Huh?" I asked, thrown by Spike´s question; I turned my head toward where he lay. The blond vampire unfurled from his curled position on the bed. I tried to twist toward Spike when he moved behind me, but he stopped me. I inhaled sharply when his hand pressed coolly against my most severe bruising.

"You hurt when you first stood up." Spike clarified. "It should be mostly healed by now. So are you still in pain?"

"Uh, no," I said. "Well, not really, I…it´s pretty much gone, just some lingering twinges I guess."

Spike nodded and I grabbed his arm as he turned to lay back on the bed.

"How long?" I asked, then rolled my eyes at his perplexed look. "I…to heal. How long did it take me?"

"Few hours, Pet," Spike said, a smile tugged at his lips. "Not much more."

I frowned, tensing the muscles along my legs. I was relieved to realize that Spike was right, I was mostly healed. Then it struck me. I wasn´t totally human anymore. Not a vamp, but not human either; fear curled in my gut at that realization.

"Don´t be afraid," Spike said. He must´ve sensed my increased heart rate, or the scent of fear that clung to me for that instant. "You´ll be thankful for your differences later."

I snorted.

"Not a reassuring thought, Spike."

"C´mere," Spike said, shifting in the bed, then holding his arms out to me. "I want you to lay with me."

"Spike, I´d rather not," I said plaintively, Spike still didn´t understand why I couldn´t give in to him.

"Now," Spike said firmly, his lips twisted into a smile as he added, "It´s getting nippy without you here."

I sighed and crawled onto the bed, lying stiffly in his arms as he embraced me. Spike was being melodramatic; the fire kept my room warm. I was rarely chilled so I doubted he felt cold either.

"Not like this, Pet," Spike said against the back of my neck. "Face me."

I did as he asked twisting within the confines of his arms. My eyes widened in surprise when Spike´s arms gripped me and he rolled us. I now lay on top of him. His cock had softened in the interim but my erection had stayed strong and was now trapped between our bodies. I pulled back, fighting his hold.

"Stop," Spike said harshly. "I just want to hold you."

That shocked me. Spike smiled at the look on my face, before tucking my head against his shoulder.

"You thought I didn´t get it," Spike said softly. "But I do." He sighed, against my hair, pressing a kiss to my head. "It´d have been easier if you were simply upset because I´m a bloke."

I chuckled at that, my laughter shifted my weight against Spike´s chest. His hands roamed over my back, stroking down the length of my torso, my legs lay between his spread thighs.

"Helping Buffy…it´s the best job I´ve ever had, Spike," I told him. " I didn´t get paid for it but it was the job that counted the most." I brought my eyes up to meet his. "I made a difference. I believed that Spike."

"They´re not here Pet," Spike replied, his hands continuing to massage my back. "They won´t even be born for nearly a century. Are you sure your loyalty isn´t misplaced in this instance?"

"How can you say that," I stiffened against him. "I made a choice. I knew which side I´d be fighting on. That hasn´t changed."

"No, that hasn´t but everything else has. Our circumstances are completely altered and now everything about you is my concern. Doesn´t my commitment deserve your loyalty, your trust."

"That´s different, Spike," I argued. "I never asked for this."

Spike lifted my head to look at me, his one eyebrow arched high. I thought about what I´d just said then rolled my eyes at him.

"I had to ask. You know that I had to ask."

"You did and now you´re mine. I want that trust, Pet."

"Earn it." I challenged him. "Just like they did."

Spike chuckled and his arms tightened around me.

"I will." Spike said. "But in lieu of that for tonight I want something from you."

"What?" I asked.

"You still need to make amends, Pet," Spike said, sliding his hands down to grip my hips, "for taking liberties with your pleasure. Unless you´d prefer an alternative form of punishment?"

"What..what do I need to do?"

"Let yourself enjoy it," Spike said succinctly.

"No, I…I can´t," I shook my head against Spike´s chest. "Don´t ask that."

"It´s not up for discussion, Pet," Spike said, his hands rubbing circles into my hips.

"I don´t get you," I said plaintively.

"Why´s that?" Spike asked, honestly looking confused.

"You want me willing then order me to enjoy it. You´re nice one moment, then hurting me or angry the next. Half the time I don´t know––."

"I punish you when I have to," Spike interrupted, his hands moving up to hold my face, cool thumbs brushing against my jawline. "I pleasure you because I want to. And right now, I want to see what I´ve been missing out on."

"Huh?" I said, resting my chin against his sternum. My brow furrowed in confusion. "What´s that mean."

"Well, Pet," Spike replied. "You´re not allowed to touch yourself, not without my permission. In reparation for what you´ve done, I get to watch."

I rolled off of him and knelt by his hip. A blush crawled over my bare skin at Spike´s explanation.

"You want me to…to"

"Wax your pole, choke the chicken, punish the bishop, spank the monkey, tame the one eyed trouser snake, er," Spike paused giving me a meaningful look, "not that you wear trousers much anymore and my personal preference, wank."

Spike counted off the terms with his fingers and ludicrous facial expressions, ending with a wink and a leer. I was laughing helplessly by the time he finished his short lesson in British euphemisms for jacking off.

"Speak English, Spike," I laughed at him. "You want me to jerk off."

"Possibly more," Spike said with another exaggerated leer, "but it´s a start."

"And that´s it," I asked tentatively. "That´s what I have to do?"

"And enjoy it Pet," Spike said. "That´s part of it as well."

I shrugged at that. Enjoyment was a relative term, wasn´t it? Sure, I´d enjoy it. I´d enjoy it one whole hell of a lot more than another beating for having broken one of Spike´s rules.

"Now?" I wiped suddenly sweaty palms against my bare thighs.

"I´m here, you´re hard," Spike said, piling the pillows to create a comfortable seat for himself. He settled back, wriggling against the down filled cushions before looking at me with an arched brow. "Now seems like a good time."

"Yeah, okay," I said, looking at Spike. He wanted to watch. I dropped my eyes from Spike´s lascivious gaze, grasping my erection firmly. I could do this quickly. I began stripping my cock fiercely. Just gotta cum, I thought, the sooner the better.

"Pet," Spike said. "Look at me."

I sighed, slowing down a little and giving Spike a pained look. The vampire left his cozy spot at the head of the bed to crawl toward me. His hand gripped my wrist, stopping me.

"What?" I asked indignantly.

"I think you´re missing the point is all," Spike said. "You´re doing this for my enjoyment, not yours."

"But..but, you just told me to enjoy it!" I blustered.

"Exactly," Spike said. "Because watching you take your pleasure is what will give me pleasure." Spike gently squeezed my wrist before releasing me.

"I…I don´t know what you want me to do," I said forlornly. "You said to jack off so you could watch, that´s what I was doing but now that´s wrong. You should just tell me what you really want."

"C´mere," Spike said, taking my hands in his and pulling me forward. "Lie down," he said, tossing his neat arrangement of pillows around to create room.

I turned around and lay on my back, scooting up in the bed. I watched, wondering what Spike had planned as he straddled my thighs. He reversed our positions of earlier, lying down on top of me. His cool chest pressed against the heat of mine. I clenched my teeth as he wriggled atop me, stimulating my cock.

"Pet," Spike breathed next to my ear. "I´m gonna help you out here. You can touch yourself whenever you want."

"Uh, okay," I agreed. Spike had just given me permission again. Was I supposed to jack off now or wait? Spike´s next comment answered my unspoken question.

"Only if and when you want to Pet," he said. "I want you to want it."

Spike´s teeth nipped my earlobe before he soothed the bite with his cool tongue.

"What if…what if I don´t," I said huskily.

Spike´s laugh rumbled from his chest to mine.

"You will."

Spike´s tongue lashed out again, laving a wet path down my neck. He paused, his lips hovering over my pulse. The tip of his tongue fluttered against the thrum of my blood, before his lips settled over my skin, sucking gently at my flesh. My heart sped up as Spike´s mouth worked along the line of my jaw. My arousal grew at the small sounds of pleasure he made as his lips and tongue mapped a path across my warm flesh. I gasped, biting back a whimper of longing when he latched onto a sensitive spot just above my collarbone.

"Spike?" I asked. "Spike?" I wound my fingers in his hair, tugging him away from my skin.

"Hmm?"

I stared into lust glazed blue eyes that struggled to focus on me. I blinked.

"What are you doing?"

"Enjoying myself," Spike replied. "How ´bout you?"

"Sure, it´s been a hoot," I grinned.

"Not over yet, Pet," Spike replied. "And stop distracting me," he smiled back, "I´m on a mission."

"Mission?" I gasped out, as Spike´s lips moved downward, hovering over my nipple. His hands stroked down my flanks to grip my hips, thumbs rubbing small circles over the crest of my hipbones. His fingers pressed firmly into the sides of my ass.

"Yeah, wanna see my Pet come," Spike growled, thrusting his pelvis against mine then he wrapped his tongue around my nipple, sucking the tightening flesh into the coolness of his mouth. I gasped at the sensation. Oh…oh god. Spike´s hands gripped my hips harshly. I didn´t feel it now, but I´d have bruises there later. His thrusts matched the thudding of my heart while his mouth mapped out the hot spots on my chest. I couldn´t hide it from him; whenever I whimpered or my heart sped up he´d pause, licking and sucking and nipping along my heated flesh until he´d identified exactly where and what aroused me the most. A fine sheen of sweat covered my skin by the time he reached the scars encircling my other nipple. I waited for the soft brush of his tongue but it never came. Dazed, I forced my eyes open and peered down at him. Spike´s lips were swollen and shone wetly in the low light. I must´ve been holding his head, because his hair was all mussed up but it only made his lust glazed look that much more attractive. My breath caught in my throat when he slid his tongue out over his lower lip.

"Mmm," Spike said. I groaned when he barely brushed his jawline across my scarred chest. I´d known from jerking off that Spike´s mark was sensitive and as much as I wanted him to stop, I wanted him to continue, to lick and kiss and nip at that mark and make me come. I dropped my head back down onto the bed, stifling a groan of frustration. It was going to be a lot harder to suffer Spike´s teasing now that I couldn´t take care of it when he´d gone.

"Something you want, Pet?" Spike asked, his voice husky and low.

I just shook my head.

"You sure?" Spike said. "Why not just take it? Tell me how you want to be touched Pet." Spike´s warm voice wrapped itself around me. "I want to know." He growled deep in his chest as his hands stroked upwards, his thumbs brushing over my pecs, but never touching where I wanted to be touched.

"I don´t, don´t want to be touched," I finally gasped out.

"You sure about that?" Spike asked, dropping his head he dragged his tongue from the deep indentation of my navel to the one at the base of my neck. "I know you want to be touched," Spike whispered against my neck, then dropped his head to my chest. "Your body cries out for it."

I whimpered in reply. Spike´s tongue shot out, lapping at the flesh that surrounded the visible reminder of my claiming but never touched the silvery white lines themselves. It set my arousal on edge and unthinkingly I arched sideways, seeking greater contact, wanting to feel what he´d been doing elsewhere over the sensitive skin of my mark. I growled with frustration when he moved out of the way, breath ghosting over my flesh.

"Please," I begged, my legs shifted restlessly on the bed; my fisted hands clenched the covers. I brought my knees up, splayed slightly to the side they framed Spike´s hips.

"Please what pet?" Spike asked. "Please this?"

I cried out as he dragged his tongue across my mark. Gasping, my hands flew up, sliding in to his hair, holding his head close to my chest as I arched into the caress. I moaned as the suckling sensation shot straight to my cock. Wetness spilled from my erection, slicking the space between our bodies. My feet were braced on the bed and I used that leverage to thrust my hard penis between our bodies. I whimpered when Spike fought my grip and pulled away.

"Fuck, you´re so hot like this," Spike murmured, his words brushed over my sensitized flesh. I choked on a small sound of distress when he pulled away completely, kneeling between my thighs. I struggled to regain control of my breathing, wishing for at least the friction of his body against my erection.

"You can take it, Pet," Spike said. "It´s all yours, just take it. You want it, don´t you?"

My eyes flew open and I inhaled sharply when Spike´s warm fist wrapped around his cock. I stared as he slowly stroked his own erection, drawing back the foreskin and roughly sliding the pad of his thumb over the head.

"You´ve learned what I like," Spike spoke softly. "How to touch me, how to hold me. You know how to make me come, fast or slow. Show me what you want, Pet. Let me learn what you like."

"Who knows when you´ll have the chance to come again, Pet," Spike said. "I´m not touching you now, not taking anything from you. It´s just you. Just you and what we both want. You want rough and fast or slow and gentle? You want to come, Pet? You gotta do it for yourself."

Spike´s hand moved to grip my knee as he watched me, starting to stroke himself faster. It was too fast, I thought.

"Slower," I practically mouthed the word as I watched him, but I saw his eyes meet mine and glimmer briefly. I licked my lips as he sat back, his hand squeezed his cock, before drawing upward with a long leisurely stroke. My tongue darted out and I licked my lips before I reached downward. He didn´t say a word when I wrapped my fingers around my penis and began mirroring his touch on myself.

"Yeah," I groaned as we moved. "Yeah, like that."

Slow, I wanted to savor every sensation that shuddered through my body, pulling me toward the inexorable. Spike was going to withhold even this small comfort from me, so I wanted it to last. My eyes drifted shut as I brought myself closer to orgasm with long unhurried strokes.

"No," Spike ordered softly, his hand kneading the tight muscles along my thigh. "Look at me. Don´t…don´t close your eyes."

I didn´t acknowledge his order, but my eyes opened and locked with his; he smiled at me and his nostrils flared. I wondered briefly what our combined arousal smelled like to him. Occasionally, when my fingers drifted downward to massage my sac my eyes also drifted, watching the rhythmic clenching of Spike´s abs, the tightening of the muscles in his forearm and bicep.

I glanced back up at Spike when he entwined the fingers of his free hand with mine. My eyes dilated as he leaned forward and drew the very tips of my first two fingers into his mouth. My breathing grew erratic and my strokes quickened as his tongue rubbed over the pads of my fingers. I saw a glimmer in his blue eyes just before he moved and my fingers slid into his mouth down to the last knuckle. My hand tightened on my cock and I gasped as he started a rhythmic suction, throwing his cheekbones into sharp relief. He didn´t need to breathe, I realized just as I cried out and came. My shoulders and heels pressed into the mattress and I stroked myself through the shuddering pulses of my orgasm. I was vaguely aware of the cool spatters of Spike´s own climax landing against my belly. Limply, I lay against the bed, as the slight aftershocks of my orgasm shook my frame. I started when a cool tongue lapped against my semen coated belly and blearily looked at Spike, whose small, pink tongue darted out again to taste our combined come.

"Ew," I mumbled.

Spike just chuckled at me, trailing his fingers across the mess and I gave him a small smile, leaning back onto the bed again. Regardless of the stickiness, Spike crawled up and lay down against me. He began to purr and I relaxed into the comforting vibration, starting to doze off.

"Pet?" Spike said, not looking up.

"Hmm?" I asked.

"Can I drink from you?"

I frowned, usually Spike just ordered me to bare my neck to him, with little or no warning. He´d never made it a request.

"It´s not like I can stop you," I said.

I didn´t know what this was about, but Spike seemed off to me. I turned my head to see him. His fingers came up and rested against my lips before I could say anything more.

"You´re right. I don´t need to ask, Pet," Spike said, "but this time, I am."

I paused, wondering why Spike was asking but couldn´t figure it out. I wondered if he´d tell me.

"Why?" I asked.

Spike wouldn´t answer me. He snuggled his head into the crook of my neck. I wasn´t concerned by his behavior. I was just confused by it. I became more puzzled when he began nuzzling against my neck and shoulder. He reminded me of Miss Kitty Fantastico when she wanted to cuddle and would crawl over my chest and rub her face against my jaw and neck. I smiled into Spike´s uncolored hair. I don´t think he´d appreciate being compared to a cat. It struck me then that Miss Kitty often behaved that way whenever Willow or Tara weren´t around; like she was worried about them and wanted to be reassured. I frowned at that thought; could Spike be worried about me?

I tried to look at him, but he wouldn´t let me. I was afraid I´d regret this but before I could change my mind I held his head still and whispered in his ear.

"You can."

His whole body shuddered at my softly voiced consent. In that instant, I felt as if I´d done the right thing. In the next moment, his softly muttered ´thank you, thank you´ only supported that belief. His mouth closed over my neck and I´d barely felt the graze of his teeth before fangs quickly pierced my skin. Pain flared sharply then faded as he drew on the wound. Usually, I was light headed when he stopped but not this time. I could feel him already bathing the puncture marks, which would quickly fade.

"It´s alright," I murmured, my hands stroking over his back. "It´s okay, I understand."

I have no idea why I was comforting Spike. I´d just been pissed with Spike. I´d just been terrified of Spike. He´d hurt me but somehow I´d gone from righteous indignation and fury to succumbing to his seduction to comforting the vampire in my arms. Spike rubbed against my neck and shoulder and as I petted my hands over his back, he rubbed his along my arms; we both fell asleep to the sound of his purrs.

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