Nexus Chapter 22
Buffy kicked open the front door, crossbow raised and at the ready.
“Slayer.”Angelus, demonfaced and snarling, spat the word out like a curse. “I see you haven´t lost your flair for the grand entrance.”
The master vampire´s gaze passed over Buffy´s shoulder to pin his eyes on his favorite childe, who hovered alertly behind the slayer. “And I see that the rumors are true, Childe; ye´ve become the Slayer´s lapdog.”He tsked mockingly. “Who would have imagined?”
Buffy heard the indignant rumble behind her, but pushed the awareness away to concentrate on the picture before her.
It was Slayer instinct, not knowledge, that had prompted her to confront Angelus heavily armed. Actually, it had never crossed her mind to doubt Spike´s account; at some point, she had begun to trust the blond demon without question.
After the first seconds, instinct receded, and she noticed that--in accordance with Spike´s tale--something was wrong with this picture. True, Angelus stood facing her, all vamped out and growly. And Xander was imprisoned by a powerful forearm locked around his throat, held tightly with his back pressed up against the vampire´s chest, toes barely touching the ground. Vintage Angelus.
But, although Xander´s expression was a little tense--there was a crossbow pointed his way, go figure--still, it was pretty much panic-free. Both he and the vampire were bare-chested, and Xander´s hands, wrapped up around the murderously strong forearm that was supposedly choking the breath out of him, were, instead of gripping white-knuckled, stroking idly, and, the hand at the end of that powerful forearm was unknowingly rubbing little soothing circles on Xander´s shoulder. Angelus´ other arm was around Xander´s waist, supporting his weight.
Xander, for his part, was mostly peering nervously at Buffy´s finger on the bow´s hair trigger, while some small part of him was giving thanks to whoever was in charge that Spike and Buffy had just happened to burst in at one of the rare moments that he and Angelus were both wearing pants.
Buffy, sharp-eyed, took in the fresh bite mark on Xander´s neck and the love marks scattered on his throat and chest. But she also saw the contentment underlying the tension in her friend´s eyes, and noticed that Angelus, too, was sporting a rapidly healing bite. And her Slayer senses told her that Xander was still human. All of it confirmed for her, she drew a deep breath and ruthlessly stomped down a wave of melancholic nostalgia.
Really, she and Angel had been over a long time, and she knew suddenly that she was ready to let go. Saying goodbye wasn´t as hard as she had expected. Still, this was Angelus, not Angel, so why make it easy?
“Who do you think you´re fooling?”Putting on her best Slayer Meaning Business glare, she raised the bow a fraction. “I know how long he´s been here with you and I know you´ve turned him. I knew Xander, and he wouldn´t want to go on this way.”Settling her stance, she sighted along the bow, trying not to be obvious about the fact that she had set the safety in place. “One shot should take care of both of you.”
In an instant, an enraged Angelus burst into a snarling howl and pushed Xander behind him so suddenly that the dark-haired Scooby yelped, startled.
“Bloody HELL, luv! What are you playin´ at?”Satisfied, Buffy ignored Spike´s alarmed hiss and lowered the crossbow.
Casual now, she raised a blonde brow and drawled, “So, now that I´ve called your bluff, and we know what we´re dealing with...”
Relieved when his sire didn´t come at them like a demon out of a whirlwind, Spike took a second to regain his composure, then spoke up. “Yeah, yeah, so we all see that no one´s killin´ no one here.”He affected his best bored tone, then added, “C´n we just get on w´ it? Some o´ us are growin´ old.”
“Thanks a lot” Buffy muttered.
“Not you, luv,”Spike hurried to add gallantly. “Yer beauty will never fade nor! ”
“Yeah, yeah.” Buffy ignored the flush creeping across her skin and glared daggers at Angelus´ smirk, getting hold of herself and returning to the business as hand. She drew a breath. “Look, I don´t like it much, but we´re here to offer a deal.”
“A deal? What makes you think I might be interested in a deal from you, Slayer?”He snarled at Buffy, apparently unaware of the fact that he had caught the hand that rested against his ribs and was fondling Xander´s fingers reassuringly. “What could you offer me?”
Buffy observed the way Xander, peeking out from behind Angelus´ broad body, rubbed his cheek absently against the vampire´s muscular arm. “Time.”she bit out shortly.
The vampire raised a supercilious eyebrow in silent question, unconsciously relaxing backwards as the young man wrapped his arms protectively around his demon lover.
“Bloody hell, this is just weird.”Spike´s muttered comment was generally ignored, though Buffy silently agreed.
“Here´s the deal.”She kept the crossbow at the ready. “Willow left. She´s totally out of town. You can´t get to her.”
“Damn. And I was planning on spending my evening killing her horribly.”Angelus´ voice was dry, then he jumped a little, as though someone had nipped his shoulder blade reprovingly.
Buffy scowled suspiciously at the vampire, then continued. “She says it´s gonna be at least 48 hours from now before she can get the orb and do the ensoulment.”
Buffy squared her shoulders. Willow was on a plane to England to hook up with the coven, and Angelus SO didn´t need to know that. And thank the Powers that Be that the witches didn´t have to be in proximity to the vampire to work the spell. “You agree not to kill anyone or cause any trouble in my town, and I agree not to come back here and stake the hell out of you.”She stepped to one side, and Spike applied the toe of his boot to the cooler he had carried in, sliding it into the middle of the room. “We brought you a supply of blood, so you´ve got no excuse. You don´t kill, and we don´t hassle you for the next two days.”
Angelus didn´t hesitate long. “You leave me and my boy alone? Done.”
Meanwhile, Xander was glaring at Spike, hoping to seem a lot more pissed off than he really was. “You squealed, you.”He struggled to look fierce as he wriggled his way back to his position in front of his lover´s body.
“Like a pig.”Spike acknowledged airily. “Gotta tell y´ though, mate, think it´s workin´ in your favor.
Xander surveyed him suspiciously from the shelter of Angelus´ embrace. “Yeah? Well, we´ll just see, you ratfink.”
“Whatever.”Buffy, familiar with the routine, cut off the snarkfest before it could escalate. “So we´re about done here. Just, before we go, Xander, can I talk to you a minute?”
Angelus´ arms tightened around Xander as he shifted again into gameface. “No. absolutely not. Ye´ll not get him away from me.”
Buffy lowered the crossbow further. “I just want to talk to him. No tricks. But if you want this deal, you´ve got to let him tell me himself that he wants to stay here with you.”
The vampire was shaking his head reluctantly, but then Xander turned his head to whisper softly to Angelus.
Buffy, still weirded by this strange, strange match, watched incredulously as Angelus listened, then finally nodded his head. “All right then, but don´t leave my sight. And YOU! ”here he pinned his childe with a sharp stare, “You step away. Far away. You´re not going to get anywhere near him again.
Buffy turned narrowed eyes briefly toward Spike, her gaze promising questions later, then stepped cautiously toward Xander while Spike took himself off a few feet.
Meeting half-way between the two vampires, Buffy moved close to Xander and whispered. “You okay, Xan?”
“Yeah, Buff. I´m fine.”Xander looked down at his feet for a moment, then met Buffy´s eyes nervously. “You? I mean, are we okay, here?”A deep breath, then he continued. “I´m sorry you had to find out this way. I just! well, I just couldn´t tell you. But I want you to know that I love you, and I didn´t mean to hurt you, and! ”
“Xander.”She cut him off in mid-babble. “It´s weird, and it´ll take some getting used to, but we´re okay. Or at least we will be, once I get over this major wiggins I´m having.”She smiled a little, pausing, then blew out a deep breath. “I don´t love him--Angel--the way I did, so, well, no problem. I just want to make sure that you´re alright. I mean, Jesus, Angelus! Are you absolutely sure that you´re safe? ´Cause, if not, I´ll take you out of here.”
Xander was shaking his head vigorously. “Buffy, he won´t hurt me.”He shot a glance toward Angelus, and Buffy saw his eyes soften. The big vampire was rocking restlessly on his feet, head down, bull-like, anxious eyes zipping back and forth between his blond childe and his boy standing too close for comfort to the Slayer.
“I don´t know why,” Xander whispered softly, “but I´ve always had a pass from him. He won´t hurt me.”He dismissed the whole Fyarlian brandy episode without hesitation. “I know that demons aren´t supposed to love, but he´s good to me.”He shrugged at Buffy´s raised eyebrows. “I love him.”He caught the Slayer´s free hand in his. “And I want this time with him. I need it. And thank you for giving it to me.”Buffy studied his face, then sighed.
“Xander.”she drew a deep breath. “I want you to know something. The delay is Willow´s doing. She! she knew, somehow, and, well, she wanted to give you the extra time, and we--Spike, Giles and I-- we all agreed.”Xander´s eyes widened, and he blinked back tears.
“Oh, God,”he breathed. “I can´t believe you guys did this for me. Thank you. Thank you so much.”He leaned his forehead affectionately against Buffy´s, ignoring the soft growl that issued from Angelus at the contact.
Buffy raised her head and rolled her eyes. “I guess we´d better break this up before someone has a major hissy fit. Just, don´t let him wreak any havoc, okay? I don´t wanna have to regret this.”
“You won´t.”Sounding very certain, Xander pressed a kiss against her forehead, again ignoring inarticulate vampiric bitching. “Thanks, Buff. I owe you so big for this.”
She smiled tremulously up at him. “You SO do.”She hesitated, then, conscious of vampire hearing, whispered softly close to Xander´s ear. “I don´t know whether he should know this, but this time the soul´s going to be permanent.”Drawing back, she met Xander´s eyes, stricken by the sudden grief she saw there. “I´m sorry, but the coven knows how, and we have to do it.”Her voice was almost inaudible.
Xander swallowed, closing his eyes for a moment. “I understand. Thanks for telling me.”
She squeezed his hand. “Whatever happens, we´ll be here for you this time.”
Xander smiled sadly. “I know. And it means a lot.”With that, the friends parted. Buffy gestured toward the door, and Spike turned to follow her. At the threshold, Buffy paused, then turned to fix a steely eye on the dark vampire.
“If you hurt him, there will be nowhere you can hide from me.”Her tone left no question that she meant it.
“Slayer, you don´t scare me. If I wanted you dead, you´d be dead. But! ”Here he turned his eyes back to Xander, and Buffy caught her breath at the demon´s sudden resemblance to Angel. “I won´t hurt Xander.”
“I know you won´t.”This was Xander, voice soft as he smiled up at his vampire.
Buffy shook her head, believing in spite of herself. The interview was over; the two dark lovers, lost in each other´s eyes, had forgotten their presence. Buffy spun on her heel and exited the mansion. Spike paused just long enough to shoot an inscrutable glance at Angelus and his mate, then followed his Slayer into the night, closing the door behind him.
They strode down Crawford Street side by side, fair heads gleaming in the moonlight. Buffy spoke first. “Well, you were definitely right. That was just weird. In a world jam packed with weirdness, that was uber-weird.”
“Yeah, luv. Scoobies and vampires partnerin´ up. Gotta be one of the signs of the apocalypse.”
“And yet, a trend, apparently.”Buffy threw that out like it was nothing.
Spike almost tripped over his own feet, then stood stock still for a second or two. Well, bloody hell. What did THAT mean, exactly? Suddenly giddy, the blond bounced a time or two on his Doc Marten-clad feet, then hurried forward to catch up with his Slayer.
His moment with Angelus interrupted by the slamming of the front door, Xander stood staring after Buffy and Spike, lost in thought. Behind him, Angelus studied his boy. He´d heard the Slayer´s whispered words, and wasn´t really surprised. Aye, of course they´d do it up right this time. But the boy was taking it hard, he could tell; feeling like his spark of hope was extinguished. Angelus knew better, but decided that explanations could wait. Right now, a distraction was in order.
Xander started as big hands dropped onto his shoulders, pulling him back against a broad, naked chest. “Did ye forget about me then, sweet? Standing there mooning after the Slayer?”
Instantly, Xander forgot his melancholy in favor of indignant denial. “What? No!”He tried to turn around, but the vampire´s hands held him firmly. “She´s my friend, and! ”
“Aye, yer good friend.”Angelus slid cool hands down to wrap his arms tightly around his boy. “D´ye think I´ve forgotten how much ye want her?”
“I do not! Well, okay, I did want her at one time, but that was before, and I! ”
“Hush!”His tone commanding, Angelus brought one hand up to finger Xander´s small dusky nipples, feeling them harden instantly under his questing touch. “Have ye forgotten who ye belong to, boy?”
“N-n-no, h-haven´t forgotten.”His breath hitching, Xander closed his eyes and dropped his head back against Angelus´ hard shoulder.
“Well, watchin´ ye cozyin´ up to the Slayer, I wasn´t so sure.”His voice a soft rumble against his boy´s ear, Angelus slid his hand down to squeeze Xander´s hardening cock through the fabric of his sweat pants. “And I´m thinking´ that it´s about time to remind ye what´s what, me boy.”
“Ohhh” Xander breathed softly, thrusting into the knowing palm. “Oh, yeah. Please.”
Still holding Xander back against him, his own growing erection grinding against his boy´s firm buttocks, Angelus continued to squeeze rhythmically as he whispered softly into Xander´s ear. “Takin´ ye up to our bed. Wanna feel ye naked underneath me. Need t´be inside ye, sweetling.”
Xander moaned. “Yes, yes. Want you to fuck me. Love me.”
“Aye. Aye, sweet.”Angelus gripped Xander´s hand, and led him quickly through the doorway into the foyer. At the foot of the stairs, too impatient to wait, he swept his boy up into his arms and took the stairs with all his speed, clutching his mate close to his heart.
Moaning, Xander wrapped his arms tightly around his mate´s neck, burrowing his face into Angelus´ throat as he was borne upstairs so fast that his head spun.
Down the long corridor, then Xander heard the door open, and Angelus stopped, laying him down. Strong arms released him slowly, and he felt the mattress give under his hips, but he couldn´t bear to let go his hold.
Angelus, bent awkwardly over the bed, slid his arms to Xander´s biceps, tugging gently, signaling him to let go. But Xander tightened his arms, suddenly frantic. “No. No. Not letting you go.”
“Sweetling, it´s just for a minute, while I! .”
“I don´t care. Not letting go.”Xander´s voice was thick with unshed tears, and the vampire knew that his attempt to distract the boy had been unsuccessful. “48 hours. Jesus, two days. Don´t ask me to let go.”
“Alright, then, sweetling.”Angelus gave into the pull of his boy´s arms and dropped onto the mattress beside him. He´d worry about pants later. As soon as his body was stretched out on the bed, Xander pressed up against him, clinging.
“What´ll I do?”Xander´s voice caught on a sob. “What´ll I do when you get your soul back and leave me? How am I supposed to deal?”
“Shhh, dearling, it´s alright! ”
“No!”Xander squeezed him tight, panicking. “I can´t do this again. Don´t make me do this.”
Angelus wrapped his arms tightly against the trembling body. “Hush. Hush.”The vampire shifted over, trapping his mate beneath him. “Hush, then, will ye´, my very own? Hush!”
Xander gazed up into the vampire´s dark eyes. “I can´t do it.”He breathed softly, despairing.
Angelus brought his hands up to stroke Xander´s dark hair away from his tear-stained face. “Yes, you can.”He assured, softly. “D´ye think I would come here and torment ye with memories if I didn´t have a plan?”He kissed his boy, right on the delicious furrow between his fierce brows, then did it again and again until the little frown smoothed out somewhat.
“48 hours from now, I´ll wake up with the soul back in place, and I´ll feel guilty about everything I´ve done to you, so guilty that I´ll try to ignore all that´s between us. I´ll be convinced that it´s the best thing for ye to leave ye alone to get back to yer normal life, and I´ll be tryin´ to ignore the bond claim! ”here he paused, growling, remembering. Remembering the years he had spent howling at the soul, go get him, he´s mine, mine, mine, need him, want him, honor-bound to protect him.
“I´ll be tryin´ to ignore the bond claim so that ye can have a chance at a normal life. An´ I´ll be prepared to be noble enough to ignore the voice screaming to me that you´re my mate, my very own, an´ that you belong with me, where no one--includin´ yer bastard of a father, and the damn scoobies that don´t appreciate you enough, and let you take too many chances--no one can hurt ye, ´cause ye´r my boy, my mate an´ I want to protect ye no matter what.”
Xander was whining softly, and Angelus tightened his embrace. “An´ yer job is to remind me. Remind me of what we are t´ each other.”
Xander clutched Angelus desperately, clinging while he gathered his thoughts. “But I want you, not Angel. And Angel, I mean you with the soul, you don´t want me.”
Angelus rolled them onto their sides and held his boy close, sighing as he searched for words to begin cleaning up his own mess. “´S hard to explain, sweet. But I was jealous when I first took ye in, so I lied t´ ye.”Xander, puzzled, started to raise his head, but Angelus pressed it back down to his chest, stroking thick dark hair slowly. “The soul wants ye. Wants ye with an ache that never goes away. It´s not just me; ye´re in his dreams, even without my interference.”
Xander was still, but Angelus could almost feel the questions bouncing around in the boy´s brain. “For close on a century, the soul and I struggled against each other, battlin´ our separate desires. I supposed that we would fight each other for eternity, but then ye came along, sweetling, and we found oursel´s wantin´ the same thing. Ye´re the nexus, dearling. The place where we meet. Th´ only thing we´ve ever agreed on. Th´ only chance o´ findin´ any kind o´ peace.”
When Xander stayed quiet, Angelus continued. “O´ course, the soul fought it as a matter of principle. But, no matter how he tried to keep his mind on Buffy, or Cordelia, or Darla, it was you that he thought of at the end of the day. Lately, the soul has been growing weary, and it--I--need ye, precious.”
Angelus gradually relaxed into the mattress, Xander still resting trustingly against him. “I know,” he purred softly, “It won´t be quite the same. It won´t be just you an´ me anymore. But it´s the closest to happiness that we can possibly hope for.”
Xander considered for a long time, then asked; “How can you be so sure that you´ll accept me, once the soul is back in place?”
Angelus stroked the strong young back under his hands. “One, the soul wants you near as much as I do. Two, I´ll be there in his head, insistin´. Three, I´ve made my concession by not killin´ anyone while I´ve been free, which ought to help things along. Plus, I´ve been screamin´ at him for a century to kill, to drink human blood. I´m willin´ to stop in exchange for havin´ ye near me. And four, ye can tempt him so easily. Even if he pretends not to be tempted, ye´ll know he is, because I told ye.”
Xander laid still against Angelus´ chest, listening to the vampire´s reasoning. He thought about what all this meant. Did Angel really want him? And was Angelus along for the ride? And if the answer to both was yes, was he, Xander, prepared to make the move to Los Angeles? The answer was probably a rousing “Hell, yes.”But, still! .
“I want you, not him.”Xander stated, obstinately.
“It´s me, sweet. You made me admit that. It´s just me with a choke chain.”The vampire wondered at his willingness to admit it. “And it´s alright. It´s the choke chain that makes it possible for me to be as good to ye as you deserve, an´ I´ll put up with it willingly if it´ll get ye for me. Don´t worry, precious. At the end of the day, it´ll still be me that makes love to ye, and it´ll be me that holds ye when ye need to be held. And ye´ll get used to the soul, and we´ll all work it out.”
Xander drew a deep breath, shuddering as he let it out. “It´ll feel like cheating on you. And I´ve never done that. I mean, I thought you weren´t coming back, and I slept with women, but no men. Not ever.”
Angelus shut his eyes, feeling possessiveness sweeping over him. “Aye. Maybe it´ll feel that way, a little. But I´ll be there. In fact! ”With a sudden surge, he rolled over, again pinning Xander beneath him. “! with a deal in place, me promising not to kill, he won´t have to work so hard to suppress the demon, and I´ll be a bit more there than before. I´ll even promise not to torment that motley band of mortals he insists on co-habitin´ with.”
“Excuse me, motley mortal here.”
Angelus smiled down at his boy, ruffling crisp dark waves. “MY motley mortal, though.”
Xander smiled up at him. “Yes, yours.”
As always, the simple words sent a flash of desire through the vampire, and he thrust against his boy, hardening rapidly. But Xander wasn´t quite ready to move past the conversation.
“Are you sure this is going to work? Be serious.”He scolded gently as Angelus leered at him, still thrusting slowly. “I mean the Angel thing.”
His libido prompting him to get on with it, Angelus´ leer widened, and he assured “I think you´ll find that the Angel thing works just as well as the Angelus thing, once you get past the soul´s self-flagellating tendency to deny itself all pleasure.”
Xander, starting to feel a little better, mock-scowled at his lover. “Cut it out, willya? You know what I mean.”
Angelus sighed dramatically. “Alright, then, ye brat. Aye, I´m sure.”Large hands slid under Xander´s shoulders and up to stroke his hair back, framing the boy´s worried face. “Aye. I´m sure. Two against one, pushin´ for what the soul wants anyway. It´ll work.”
Xander peered closely at Angelus´ face for a time, then his expression cleared. “Okay, then. Just, can I ask you for a favor?”
“What, dearlin´?”
“Show me your face.”
Surprised by the request, Angelus hesitated for a moment, then morphed. Immediately, Xander broke into a beatific smile, raising his hands to stroke gentle fingers over the vampiric ridges and folds. Seduced as always by the touch, the vampire broke into a soft purr, eyelids drifting down to cover the flashing gold.
“Oh, your face, your beautiful face.”Xander murmured reverently, one hand still tenderly exploring the demon´s countenance as the other slid around the back of the vampire´s neck. Drawing his lover´s head down, the mortal explored the most sensitive spots--brow ridges, orbital bones--with delicate touches of his tongue.
Predictably, Angelus´ mouth fell open as he panted softy, unnecessarily. Taking advantage of the opportunity, Xander ran his tongue over the sensitive fangs, eliciting soft groans from his vampire. Finally, with the precision of practice, Xander pressed his tongue up against the razor sharp tip of one canine, feeling the skin break an instant before blood flooded into the vampire´s mouth.
Wild with desire, Angelus sucked eagerly on Xander´s tongue, glorying in the precious offering. His arms tight around his mortal, the vampire released the sweet mouth reluctantly, but just for the moment it took to bite into his own lower lip to bring forth his blood to repay his boy in kind.
Xander jerked the vampire´s head back down, hungry for the ruby drops, moaning as the flavor burst against his tongue. When the boy eventually released him from the kiss, Angelus threw his head back, grinding against the squirming body beneath his, maddened with passion.
“What ye do t´me, Acushla.”The vampire´s voice was a harsh groan. “Y´ make me mad fer ye, y´do.”
“Yes” Xander moaned, thrusting up against the reassuring weight. “Want you. Promise! .”
“What, dearling?”The vampire questioned, hands roaming feverishly.
“Promise you´ll still show me your face, after! .”
Ready to promise anything, Angelus buried his face in Xander´s neck, rutting mindlessly. “Aye, promise.”he muttered. “Anything ye want.”
“I´ll hold you to that.”Xander´s whisper was broken, fevered.
“Enough talk.”Angelus rolled to his feet just long enough to shuck off his jeans and strip Xander of his sweatpants, then returned to the bed. Moving so quickly that Xander gasped, he reached down, gripped Xander´s thighs and spread them urgently. A rough, hasty finger found a hole still slicked and open from the last go, and the vampire wasted no more time, lunging forward to bury himself to the hilt inside his boy´s hot, welcoming body.
“My Angelus! ”Xander sobbed, forgetting everything in the flood of sensation.
“Yes, dearling. Yer Angelus, who´s never goin´ to leave ye again.”He pinned Xander with his intense gaze and thrust hard into the sweet heat of him. “Wrap yer arms and legs around me, sweet. Want to feel you all wrapped around me.”
Eagerly, Xander complied, winding his limbs around the big body driving into him. God, it was so good. Especially when a big cool hand wormed its way between their bodies to curl around his aching cock, stroking him in rhythm with the vampire´s thrusts.
Within seconds, Xander was crying out, pumping his seed onto their bellies. Angelus followed him soon, fangs sinking into his boy´s neck as he came.
The hours that they had been given passed like flashfire, all tongues, fangs and fingers, hard cocks, sweet kisses and tender words. Before Xander knew it, they were lying nose to nose, whispering to each other, waiting out the last hours. “Sleep, dearling.”Angelus´ voice rumbled out between purrs, hands stroking Xander anxiously.
“You. You sleep.”Xander´s murmur was tender. “You´re driving tomorrow, remember.”
“Aye.”His vampire smiled. “Driving us home.”Miraculously, Angelus did fall asleep first. Restless hands touching, rubbing, soothing, Xander kept vigil, still not entirely trusting that he´d ever get this chance again.
Soon after sundown on that second day, the vampire started out of sleep with a gasp, wide eyes glowing eerily. With a cry, the demon flung himself out of the bed, falling onto hands and knees on the stone floor, his body trembling with distress. By the time Xander reached his lover, the vampire was unconscious.
Keening softly with loss, Xander wrapped the comforter around his love, then settled down to wait, Angel´s head cradled in his lap.
Less than an hour, and Angel´s eyes snapped open. Dazed, he lay still for a time, gathering his wits. It took a minute, but as his senses gradually returned, he realized that he was resting in a warm human lap, and his eyes rolled upward to find Xander Harris looking down at him, dark eyes full of! what? Concern? Apprehension? Love?
Disoriented, he clutched familiar denial like a lifeline--dismissing that last possibility--and shot up into a sitting position, then sprang to his feet, putting distance between himself and the boy, automatically wrapping the comforter around his nakedness.
Shaking, he placed the sensation coursing through him, recognizing the familiar dread that meant that the demon had been in control, and that he would have a new set of horrors to deal with. Staring sightlessly into the dying coals in the fireplace, he braced himself against the tidal wave of guilt that returning memory would bring.
First, he remembered his verbal brutality to his friends and comrades, shrinking inside himself as he recalled his vicious words to Wesley, and Gunn, and! ah, shit! sweet, sweet little Fred. And he had knocked Cordy, his best friend, unconscious. Could´ve killed her. Fuck. He huddled down inside himself, wishing he could stop remembering, stop existing, right at that moment, before the memories went any further.
But he couldn´t. He knew that. It was his curse, his punishment, to remember all of it, and he closed his eyes, waiting. He had left the hotel, and hit the streets, and! he hadn´t killed. Stunned, he searched his returning memory. Not then, and not when he returned to Sunnydale. He hadn´t killed. Then! .He drew a shuddering gasp.
Then Xander had come to him, and they had been together, and he had been hungry, but he didn´t! .His eyes widened as all the memories came back. They had been together, and Xander forgave him everything, and! .Hells! Buffy and Spike had come, and left blood. And he hadn´t killed. Hadn´t hurt Xander, and hadn´t killed.
Dazed, he turned slowly and his eyes found Xander, who had risen to his feet and was watching him, still naked, and! beautiful.
“Xander.”
“Yeah, Deadboy. It´s me.”His voice was soft, but he made no effort to cover himself, and Angel experienced a wave of longing that made him shiver as the memories of the last two days flooded over him.
“Xander.”he repeated, overcome as he realized just how much everything had changed. The constant aggression from the demon that had become the central fact of his life for a century was largely missing from his consciousness, and Angel struggled to figure it all out.
“Yep. Me Xander, you Deadboy.”Angel stared dumbly at the youth as he came closer. “And I´m going to L.A. with you.”
Angel stood dumbly, staring at the young man before him. He started to say no, his automatic reaction, but before he could speak, the quiet demon came roaring back to life, choking off his voice. The conversations they had had, Angelus and Xander, came back to him in bits and pieces, and he watched as Xander raised his chin, dark eyes burning with determination.
“Yes. Okay.”He heard himself give in, and Xander nodded once, then turned to begin gathering up items of clothing.
Angel, weakened, confused, watched for a time. Eventually, Xander Harris turned back to him, his eyes softening. “You sit down. Right there.”Too vulnerable to fight it, the vampire let the young man guide him to the chair by the fire. “Just sit there, ´kay? I´ll have us ready to go in a minute here.”Hesitating, he stood gazing down at the shaken vampire. “Do you want to call anyone before we leave? Buffy? Or the gang in Los Angelus?”
Angel shuddered at the thought, and Xander hurried to reassure him. “You don´t have to. We can clear it all up later, after we get there.”
“Yeah. Can we?”
“Sure.”Xander reached forward shyly, and touched Angel´s shoulder briefly. “It´ll be okay.”
Angel closed his eyes, touched by Xander´s caretaking. “Thanks” he whispered.
“It´s you and me, from now on.”Xander´s whisper was uncompromising, and Angel´s eyes flew open to meet the dark gaze. The prospect wasn´t that alarming, after all, so he said nothing, letting Xander get back to his packing.
Two hours later, they had stopped to gather up a few more things at Xander´s apartment, and the pair of them were on their way back Los Angeles, traveling in silence in the old Plymouth.
