Nexus Chapter 16
Angelus forced himself to stay still and keep his distance, just calmly stroking his fingers through his claimed´s dark hair. Last night´s chemically induced peace was gone; the boy, though dazed from the drugged sleep and the events of the day before, was unmistakably afraid of him. Angelus, that past master of obsession, felt his resolve to see his boy unafraid harden into stone. His mistrust of the effects of the bond claim meant nothing in the face of his determination, and, for the first time, he turned to the bond deliberately, sinking into it, giving his demon leave to accept it fully, to use it. He concentrated on the claim until he could feel it like a tangible thing, looked deeply into Xander´s eyes, and purred.
The effect was instantaneous. Xander´s pulse and breathing evened and slowed, and the fear in his eyes lessened. After a few minutes, Xander´s hand crept across the mattress, moving closer to the vampire´s body. Immediately, Angelus took it in his, curling his hand gently around fingers colder than his own.
Xander regarded him steadily for a time. “Can I ask you a question? Without you getting mad at me?”
“Of course, sweetling. You can ask me anything.”
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
“Because I want to, and because I want you not to be scared.”He brought their interlocked hands to his mouth and kissed the boy´s knuckles.
Xander gathered up his courage, took a deep breath, and asked “Then, can I ask you for a favor?”
“Certainly, precious.”He tongued the abrasions that encircled Xander´s wrist.
“C..could you be like this, sometimes? I mean, it´s okay, I understand that you like to hurt me, and that´s okay, ‘cause, hey, vampire, and all. I know. And sometimes I kind of like it, just! I need this to live. So just! just for a minute, every day, will you give me this?”Tears were gathering in the brown eyes. “I need it to stay alive. Just, for a minute, sometimes! ”He swallowed heavily. “I´m sorry, please don´t be mad, but! I´m sorry.”He tried to pull his hand away from Angelus´, but the vampire wouldn´t let him. “Don´t be mad at me, please. You can do anything you want, just, please! just, sometimes! ”His voice died away to nothing. “Just, be nice to me sometimes, so I can stand it. I know I don´t have any right to ask, but! ”
“Xander.” The vampire interrupted softly. Xanderbabble had never been so poignant.
“I´m sorry, don´t be mad, I just! ”
“Xander!”
“Master?”Xander shrank back a little.
The vampire winced at the title, but put that discussion away for later. “Can I hold you? It´s okay to say no.”
Xander lowered his eyes and started to move toward the vampire, groaning in pain at the movement.
“Stop. I´ll come to you. But only if it´s okay with you.”
Xander nodded tightly, and Angelus heard his heart rate speed up. He knew his boy would not object whether he wanted to be held or not. He´d stolen his free will. He was counting on the bond claim to ensure that the boy found comfort in his embrace, in spite of his fear.
It worked beautifully. Angelus wrapped his arms carefully around the boy, purring all the while. He smelled and felt the resistance, and seduced it away, still calling the bond. Within moments, Xander melted into his arms, peace stealing over him. “I need this, Master. I need it so bad.”
“Aye, Acushla. I´ve learned my lesson; I need it too.”
The minion spoke urgently, his chest swelling with self–importance. “That´s twice now I´ve seen them hunting less than a block from here. They´re clumsy, leaderless fledges. And they´re obvious about it, Master. They´re going to lead the Slayer right to us.”
Angelus nodded. “Gather whatever help you need and go clean out the nest. You´ve done well.”
The minion nodded once, a flicker of pride crossing his demon features. He turned and chose three others, and the four of them withdrew from their master´s presence.
Another vampire stepped forward for an audience, but Angelus waved him back with a terse “Later.”The minion retreated with alacrity. Approaching Angelus meant approaching Angelus´ pet, and only a fool would do that without permission.
Angelus closed his mind to the vampires waiting for his ear. The minion that had just been sent on a mission was one of his best, but he was loud and abrasive, and the body in Angelus´ arms was trembling. Xander needed his attention; business could wait.
They wouldn´t be here at all, if he had his preference. But he had been with Xander for two days to the exclusion of all else, and things were piling up. So he had given Xander his choice. After a certain amount of dithering, the boy decided that being with Angelus in a crowd was slightly less frightening than being alone without him, but!
“Can I still ask you anything? Without you getting mad at me?”Xander stood obediently while Angelus buttoned him into a warm flannel shirt.
“Aye, sweetling. Anything.”
Xander swallowed hard, his voice shaky. “When we´re downstairs, can we not! I mean, is it okay if I don´t! ”
“Xander.”Angelus felt the now–familiar knifing pain as he remembered the times he´d made his boy give him head in front of the minions. Sighing, he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the boy´s. “Ye don´t have to do anythin´ ye don´t want to do, understand?”Xander nodded. “An´ if I do anythin´ around ye that ye don´t like, ye´re to tell me, an´ I´ll stop.”Reassured, Xander smiled up at his vampire. “Okay.”
Angelus had been right about none daring to laugh behind his back if he spoiled his pet. His minions were bewildered, and very wary. Something unknown had happened two nights ago, and Angelus hadn´t been out since. Minions brought prey to the house, and the vampire slipped away just long enough to feed, hurrying back to his boy.
Angelus had always been possessive, even for a vampire, but in the last two days, he was crazed, proving to be a viciously ferocious protector. The minions quickly learned that it was no longer permissible to look at the master´s boy. The day before, one of the minions who guarded the boy in Chip´s occasional absence had been beaten bloody for walking too close to Xander, and one had died for accidentally brushing against him. Now, as their master bent close to his mortal, purring audibly, the minions averted their eyes and backed away, deeply respectful of their master´s privacy, and his temper.
Just a few short weeks ago, Xander had rebelled against sitting in Angelus´ lap in front of the minions. Now, he wouldn´t sit anywhere else. Still nervous and disturbingly timid, Xander, ironically, clung to Angelus. He had nightmares, and unexpected sounds and sudden movement made him tremble, as he was doing at the moment. But the bond claim did its work, and Xander turned always to Angelus for comfort.
Purring softly, Angelus bent his head over his boy´s, wrapping him close in strong arms. Xander clung, arms locked around his claimant´s powerful torso. The vampire nuzzled the boy´s temple, just at his silky hairline. One big hand came up and cupped the back of Xander´s skull protectively. Long minutes later, calmer, Xander sighed and pressed his face against the vampire´s neck.
“Better now?”The vampire murmured softly, for his boy´s ears alone.
“I´m okay.” Xander whispered, and the vampire shivered at the delicious sensation of his boy´s breath against his sensitive throat.
“I´m nearly finished here, sweet. Just a little longer, and we can be alone. Alright?”
Xander nodded, leaning trustingly against the broad chest. “Alright.”
“That´s my good boy.”Angelus kissed the warm forehead, then lifted his head and beckoned the minion forward. “State your business, but keep your voice down. That´s close enough.”
While Angelus listened impatiently to the troubles and complaints of the last few of the minions, his hand stayed on the back of Xander´s head, languidly rubbing in circles. It made the youth feel secure, and the slow repetitive motion was soothing and hypnotic. Soon Xander was dozing.
When he woke, the big hand was still there, petting him, and Angelus was purring. The large room had emptied out; they were alone. He yawned, then tilted his head to look up at the vampire. “Sorry I fell asleep.”He frowned a little. “I keep doing that, don´t I?”
It had taken a lot to make Angelus give in to the draw of the bond claim, but when he did, he surrendered completely, and now, it drove all that he did. He´d broken many a spirit in his time, but he´d never tried to rebuild one. Now it obsessed him. He was no less vicious than he had ever been, but he rigorously policed himself to make sure that no trace of it was ever, ever directed at Xander, showing his damaged boy more tenderness than he´d known he was capable of. Now he bent his head to kiss his claimed on the unbruised side of his mouth. “Ye´r healing, sweetling. Ye need a lot of sleep.”
Xander was just as affected by the ties of the bond claim, enhanced by Angelus´ constant attention. He need the vampire like he needed air, his only peace coming from Angelus´ touch. Now the boy rubbed his cheek, cat–like, against the soft silk of Angelus´ shirt. “Either that, or I keep nodding off because you insist on stuffing me full of food every five minutes.”
Angelus smiled, pleased that Xander was starting to show signs of his old snarkiness. “Speaking of food, when did you eat last?”
“Oh, here we go again.” Xander grumbled, pretending not to love the vampire´s constant fussing. “The last time I ate was when you practically force–fed me the biggest lunch in the entire history of the world, remember?”Xander referred to his second meal since waking, which he usually had at about midnight.
A loud crash, and then another, sounded from the kitchen, and Xander started and began to shake violently. “Shhhh. Shhhhh, Acushla. It´s alright, I´ve got you.”He laid his hand against Xander´s ear to muffle his voice, then shouted for Chip.
The minion entered the room immediately. The master, in furious gameface, hissed at him. “Go find out what the hell´s going on, and tell them to shut the fuck up! They´ve frightened him.”
Chip hurried to the kitchen while Angelus cradled his distressed boy, frantic to soothe him. The faithful minion was back in moments. “Master, it was just two of the youngest minions, clumsy with their horseplay.”
Enraged, Angelus opened his mouth to speak, then paused at Xander´s soft plea. “Don´t kill them. At the rate you´re going, you´re going to run out of minions.”The master closed his eyes briefly, then addressed Chip coldly. “Tell them if they make one more sound, I´ll come in there myself.”
Across the room, unseen, Spike observed the little scene with interest. These two had entertainment value, no doubt about it. All a bloke needed was some popcorn and a box of raisinets. Two nights ago, the brat was a naked bondage bitch crouching on the floor putting on shows and getting his sweet little ass shopped out; then Angelus had done another disappearing act, and, voila! Same brat, marked up all to hell, but wrapped up warm in fleece and flannel and snuggling up with Peaches like the master vampire was the tyke´s favorite big cuddly dog. Not a bad analogy that, since the old man was alternating between watching his brat with big brown googly eyes and growling at everyone else. Spike would give his favorite steel–toed kicker boots to know what had been going on lately in the master bedroom.
One thing for sure, he wasn´t expecting to be offered another taste anytime soon. The admittedly tiny part of his brain that thought sensible thoughts repeated for about the hundredth time that his first instinct––not to take his sire up on his offer––had been the way to go. Drusilla had been in a snit with him ever since her nose told her that her Spike had gotten to play with Daddy´s dark kitten without her. Now, from the looks of things, his Sire was likely to hold it against him too, even if it had been his idea in the first place. At least the situation offered opportunities for other sport; if he was going to pay endlessly for one little quickie, then at least he was going to try to wring a little more fun out of it.
Once Chip had hurried away again, Angelus concentrated on soothing his claimed. Completely engrossed, he didn´t notice his Childe´s approach; the wheelchair was silent on the flagstone floor, and the deep, silky voice took them both by surprise.
“Well, hallo, lovelies. Got ‘nother dollar here! ”
Xander went still, and Angelus smelled the wave of abject shame that radiated from his boy. This was worse, so much worse than the fear of before. Reminded of his lost dignity, the boy withdrew into some private interior space and stiffened in Angelus´ arms, pulling away from him.
Taken by surprise, Angelus tightened his arms around his boy, holding him captive, searching for the right words.
Before he found them, Spike––who loved to game with danger––taunted “I´ll give you two. Hell, he was a bit o´ alright, I´ll give you five! ”It was perfectly obvious that he was pissing his sire off dangerously, but after a couple of days of the cold shoulder from Drusilla, Spike was just disgruntled enough to be malicious, and he couldn´t resist baiting the pair who had caused the trouble in the first place.
Xander was struggling against Angelus´ hold now, his voice a panicked drone “nononononono! ”
Angelus showed his childe his gameface, hissing. “Get OUT! Get away, go, before I have to kill ye, boy, GO!”
Spike backed away, affronted. “Oi! Wasn´t my idea to! ”
“Leave, Childe. Go! Go, or DIE!”
Scowling but inwardly gleeful, Spike turned, wheeling himself away.
Angelus grappled with Xander, struggling to contain the furiously flailing boy without hurting him. “Xander, stop. STOP! He´s gone. He´s GONE. Be still. Shhh. Be still. Hells, did ye think I´d let him have ye again?”
Soon exhausted, Xander collapsed against him. “I didn´t know. Why did you in the first place? I don´t understand why! ”Xander´s voice shook with anguish.
“Because I´m a great fool.”He wrapped his arms around his wounded boy. “I don´t know if ye´ll believe, me, Acushla, but that was more my punishment than yours.”The body against his quivered. “Tell me, my own. Did it! ”He swallowed, miserable. “Did it hurt you? When you and Spike! ?”
Xander looked wild–eyed. “Are you kidding? I thought I´d DIE.”
“It was painful?”
“You mean physically?”Xander forgot his fear enough to give the vampire a scornful look. “After everything else, what does physical pain matter? Besides, he´s not as big as you.”
“Tell me, Dearling. Tell me why it hurt so much. Nay, don´t. I know. I finally really made you feel like a whore, didn´t I? ”
Xander nodded. “But it was worse than that.”He fell silent for a moment, his brow furrowing. Angelus automatically reached up and smoothed his fingers over the familiar little frown line. Xander hesitated, leaned briefly into the touch then turned to look squarely into Angelus´ eyes.
“By then, your being possessive was all I had left. The only thing that made me believe you still cared about me. When you made me do that, I lost all hope.”Xander looked down at his hands, murmuring as if to himself. “All the hope I had.”He sighed. “That´s why I said “no” to you that night. Part of me just wanted it to be over.”
Angelus shuddered at the implication and pulled the boy back against his body. “Forget it, precious. It´s none o´ your fault. Nor Spike´s either, really. It was my own foolishness, and I´m the one that should have the worst of it. If I could take yer pain and suffer it mysel´, I would, an´ gladly.”
“I´d never have done that in my right mind, sweet. It was that accursed brandy, and I´d go to my final death before I´d let Spike or anyone else touch you again.”He kissed Xander´s temple, one of his favorite spots. His skin and hair were so silky there, and Angelus loved the textures against his sensitive lips. “You´re mine, pretty. Mine and mine alone.“ While he nuzzled, he stroked Xander´s belly soothingly through the shirt he wore. “Won´t ye forgive me for it, sweetling?”
Xander sighed, then whispered. “I forgive you.” He dropped his eyes, toying with a button on the vampire´s shirt “It was my fault anyway.”
“No, dearling, how could it be your fault?”
“Because I teased you about Spike that time. I hurt you.” Xander felt tears threatening. “I didn´t mean to. I never cared anything about Spike. Not about anyone who isn´t you.”
Angelus groaned and held Xander tight. “Don´t, my sweet boy. Please don´t blame yourself for any of this.”More soft kisses. “I knew you were just playing that night.”Suddenly desperate to get the boy to the safety of their room, he stood up with Xander in his arms, feeling the now–familiar stab of regret as the boy cringed at the sudden movement.
“Shh, Acushla. Just taking you upstairs.” Xander´s arms tightened around his neck. “Don´t I tell you that no one will hurt you? You´re safe with me, now, precious. I´ll always protect you.”
Once in the chamber, he settled Xander in the armchair and added more wood to the fire.
“Master! ”
Angelus turned, too quickly. Xander shrank back, seeing the vampire´s frown. He adored Angelus, but he was still the stuff of nightmares as well.
The demon dropped to his knees in front of the boy, petting his thighs. “It´s alright, sweetling, just! you don´t have to call me that.”He reached up and lightly touched the side of his boy´s face.
Xander caught his hand in both of his and pressed a kiss to the center of its palm. “I´m not doing it deliberately, it just, I don´t know, it just comes naturally.”His eyes were velvety soft. “I hated it, you know, before, but now if just feels right.”
Angelus lost himself for a moment in those dark eyes, then groaned softly and bent to bury his face in the boy´s lap, his arms encircling the too–slender waist.
This can´t possibly be my life. It was a thought Xander had often had, with various accompanying emotions. Sometimes horror, occasionally amusement. Just now, it was wonder. The most magnificent, terrifying creature that Xander had ever known or imagined, here, with his head resting tamely in loser Xander Harris´ lap.
Xander laid his forearm across the broad shoulders and stroked Angelus´ soft hair with the other hand. “You are, you know.”he murmured. “My master. You made me call you that, but you weren´t. Now, the way you are with me, making me feel safe, you are. And I don´t mind saying so. Master. My master”Conquered, Angelus shuddered, tightening his arms around his boy. Xander´s voice dropped to a whisper. “I miss you.”
Angelus went still, then lifted his head to look at the boy. “I don´t want to hurt you. I don´t want to make things worse.”
Xander stroked light fingers across the vampire´s sensitive throat and smiled shakily. “You won´t. Just, go slow, okay?”Angelus nodded, then stood slowly and offered his hands to help Xander up. As soon as the boy stood, Angelus lifted him into his arms. Xander caught his breath at the sudden movement, then laughed softly into his neck. “I can walk across the room, you know.”
“Hmm.” The vampire acknowledged, then added softly. “But why should you have to?”
Xander knew if he lived forever he would never forget the hour that followed. It had taken all of his nerve to initiate this––he didn´t really feel ready, but he was doing it for Angelus. Although the vampire had tried his best to conceal it, Xander couldn´t help feeling his hard need over the last two days.
Angelus was nearly sick with desire; two days and nights with his boy pressed against him almost constantly, and he had been exerting iron control, keeping himself on a short leash. Now his hands shook as he set his boy on the bed, sat beside him and began to unbutton the shirt Xander wore. As he reached to slip it off the boy´s shoulders, he could hear Xander´s heart rate speeding up.
He stilled his hands. “We don´t have to do this. We can stop, anytime.”
Xander shrugged out of the shirt. “Want you,” he reassured.
Angelus lifted Xander´s hand and bent over it, pressing soft kisses on the knuckles. “Just promise you´ll tell me if you get too scared.”
Truthfully, Xander was already pretty scared, but he was also determined to go through with this, so he just smiled and reached for the buttons of the shirt Angelus wore, baring the vampire´s skin inch by inch. They stripped each other slowly, then Xander moved over on the bed and Angelus slid between the sheets beside him.
Angelus rolled the boy onto his back and propped himself on his elbow beside him. For a long, long time, he just stroked the boy´s face and neck and collarbones, keeping eye contact, purring quietly.
Only when he felt the boy´s apprehension melt away did he begin to kiss, covering Xander´s face with feather light caresses, finally seeking out his mouth, keeping it very gentle. He waited until Xander´s lips fell open in invitation, then slid his tongue in slowly, caressing the healing ridges of the cuts in Xander´s mouth.
When Xander began to moan, only then did he move his attention from Xander´s face, working down the beautiful marked body, worshipping with lips and tongue and fingers, paying particular attention to the patchwork of healing abrasions and fading bruises. When he had covered every inch of Xander with kisses, he slowly engulfed the boy´s straining erection in his mouth, loving the flavor of his boy. Xander whimpered under this unusual attention, his hips moving involuntarily. “Stop.” he whispered, and Angelus froze. “I´m okay,” he reassured quickly. “I just want you inside me when I come.”
Surprised, Angelus whispered to him. “Are you sure?”
“I´m sure” Xander answered with certainty.
Angelus leaned back to extract the lube from the bedside table, coated his fingers, then slid his hand under Xander´s near thigh, finding his still–tender rosette, preparing him with exquisite slowness, kissing him deeply, softly all the while.
Only when Xander begged–– “Please, oh, please, now”––did the vampire roll his boy onto his side and spoon against him, pushing his lubed erection, slowly, slowly, into Xander´s now relaxed anus.
Pressed against Xander´s back, the demon moved sinuously, sensuously inside him, one arm under his boy´s neck, fingers interlocking with Xander´s, the other hand steadying the boy´s hip until they found their rhythm, then caressing Xander´s nipples softly before smoothing down his belly to close around his drooling erection.
Reaching behind him, Xander stroked Angelus´ hip, floating in bliss, his fear vanished. He´d never felt so safe, so cherished, so happy. The big cock moving inside him felt like heaven, the cool fist around his cock seeming to instinctively know how to touch him, to give him what he needed. He turned his head to the side, hungry for more kisses, moaning as they were tenderly given to him.
He floated in a dream of ecstasy that went on forever. His orgasm was an endless wave of pleasure. There was only one thing left to be desired; he arched his neck in unmistakable invitation.
Angelus, stunned and humbled by the gesture, shifted into gameface and nuzzled the warm skin before biting delicately, bringing forth just a trickle of blood. He came hard at the first spicysweet taste, moaning softly into Xander´s flesh, then nursed softly for endless minutes as both basked in the afterglow.
“I´m so happy” Xander whispered. “I´m so fucking happy right now.”The fingers twining with his squeezed gently while the vampire´s free hand stroked up and down Xander´s belly before returning to cup his boy´s genitals protectively.
Feeling perfectly sated and completely safe, Xander fell asleep, his master´s fangs still embedded in his neck, their bodies still intimately joined.
