Your fault... is not 3
"If people would stop soddin´ interrupting me," Spike sulked, and Xander suddenly stood up.
"I need to... um... ah... go shit," Xander suddenly blurted out, and Angel flinched at the crude comment, but Xander bolted from the room before he could answer.
"I´ll just go show him the facilities," Wesley offered as he stood, but Spike stuck a leg out in front of the Watcher to block his way.
"Leave him be. If he wanted your help, he woulda asked for it," Spike said with a flash of yellow in his eye that made Wesley retreat back to the desk.
"Can we just get back to the story before I start seriously considering more effective ways of getting you to talk?" Angel said with narrowed eyes as he thought of the chains in the basement. He watched with satisfaction as Spike shifted uncomfortably at his tone of voice. It was nice to know the boy still remembered a few of his lessons.
"Right then. The plan was that I´d talk us inside and then track down the demon before rippin´ its head off. The stuck up Watcher gave me enough money to stay there for a couple of days, and the boy was supposed to tag along to make sure I didn´t take the money high–tail it out of town."
"Let´s just get through this without talking, okay?"
"Oi, how exactly to you plan to do that, especially since you can´t get through anything without talkin´?"
"I got through school without talking in class... usually," Xander insisted as he tugged nervously at his shirt. Spike narrowed his eyes and glared as he watched as Xander stretched $60 worth of silk out of shape. Of course, he hadn´t actually paid for it, but when the boy discovered the money missing from his wallet, it´d be nice if Spike could point to the shirt. The boy was likely to be a mite bit more peevish if the shirt was ruined before he discovered the $60 missing.
"And just how often were you awake? And stop pullin´ at that!"
"The shirt is too small."
"It´s the right size, you nit. You´re just used to wearing those god–awful abominations. And no master vampire would let a human servant wear green and purple flowers." Spike tried to keep his voice down since they were close enough to Caabalis for someone to overhear.
"I like that shirt."
"You would."
"What´s that supposed to mean?" Spike rolled his eyes. At 120 he really should know better than to get in a battle of wits with an unarmed man.
"Just bloody shut up," Spike snarled as he knocked on the door of Caabalis. The door flew open and a wide, dull black demon with red eyes stood in the door frame.
"What?" he demanded.
"Shutting up now," Xander squawked as he moved behind Spike. Spike couldn´t resist a small smirk. Considering how the wanker had literally kicked his arse out of bed, a little gloating was justified. The demon cocked his head to the side and looked at them, blinking rapidly.
"Wait," Angel interrupted, his head throbbing at the thought of that one little sentence buried in the middle of Spike´s story. "He kicked you out of bed?" Angel asked incredulously.
"Oi, I bloody know!" Spike answered with a righteous expression. "If anyone has a right to be embarrassed, it´s soddin´ me. I´ve fallen low enough ta take up sleeping with the food, which was always your deal, not mine." Spike´s words made Angel flinch. He should have known better than to distract Spike and give his childe an opportunity to stick a metaphorical knife in Angel. Hell, Spike never passed up a chance to stick either a metaphorical or a physical knife into Angel.
"Never mind. Don´t tell me. Just focus on the club," Angel said as he held up a hand to hold off any further discussion of anyone´s sex life. Angel never thought that the day would come when he would ask Spike to keep talking. The universe was truly unfair.
"Prude," Spike tormented him before continuing
"Get Peraed," Spike said. "Need a room and to have a bit of a chat."
"He with you?" the demon asked, and Spike could feel Xander´s body heat as the boy got as close as possible without actually touching. Hypocrite. Just for kicks, Spike stepped back into Xander, his arse bumping Xander´s hand so that the boy yelped and backed up, promptly tripping over absolutely nothing and windmilling his hands as he tried to catch his balance. Spike reached out and grabbed Xander´s wrist before reeling him in so fast that Xander couldn´t stop himself from practically falling on Spike, his strong, hot body pressing up against Spike´s side. Spike offered the boy a quick leer, and Xander physically jerked back with an offended "HEY!"
"Yeah, he´s mine," Spike answered the demon while keeping his eyes on Xander. Xander turned a brilliant shade of red before yanking on his arm. Spike didn´t let go so Xander just sort of flopped without actually freeing himself. The chip gave little sparkles of warning, but Spike always had liked little pain with his pleasure.
"Hey, stop with the handleage. No handling´s allowed. No hands allowed," Xander hissed. At least the boy had sense enough to say it soft enough that the demon didn´t hear as he turned his back.
"Run home, Xander; you don´t have the knackers to play with the big boys," Spike suggested, and he could instantly tell from the body language that Xander wasn´t about to back down. Spike flashed on an image: Xander vamped and mouthing back at Darla. Spike just knew that Xander would be ballsy enough and stupid enough to do it, too.
"Damn it, Spike," Angel interrupted at that point. "I could do with a lot less of your fantasy life and a lot more of telling me what the hell happened."
"Bloody hell, Peaches, you have no sense of the dramatics do you? Thought the Irish were supposed ta be big on the storytellin´ what with James Joyce and Jonathan Swift and the like. "
"What I have is a sense of frustration. What you´re about to have is a sense of pain. Get on with the story," Angel growled.
"You speak the Queen´s English about as good as the boy. Think you hung out with the cheerleader too long, mate."
"Spike!" Angel growled.
"I think I may just go try and find that scotch that Cordelia keeps trying to hide from us," Wesley offered. Angel couldn´t decide what he appreciated more: the possibility of alcohol to dull the edge of the universe´s largest headache or the possibility of having enough privacy to actually beat his childe into submission. Maybe Spike sensed the changing mood, not that fear of a beating had ever stopped Spike in the past.
"Where was I then?"
"You were telling Xander to go home and you were not commenting on Darla or on having thoughts of turning Xander. Understand?"
"Oi, it´s not like you´re subtle, Peaches. So, I told the boy to go home."
"Run home, Xander; you don´t have the knackers to play with the big boys."
"Right, and then you take all Giles´ money and run."
"Bloody hell , all Giles money amounts to a few hundred. Hardly enough to go live big on some desert island."
"What? Why would you want to go to a desert island?"
"I wouldn´t..." Spike could feel his frustration rise. As much as the annoying little git didn´t want him around, he didn´t want to be around Xander either. "Just soddin´ go home!"
"No," Xander replied as he crossed his arms. He was probably trying to look defiant, but Spike thought he looked more like a petulant child. He considered saying as much, but he really didn´t want to have to explain the word petulant.
"Fine, but keep your bloody trap shut unless you want to get us killed."
"Hey, if anyone gets us killed it´s going to be you! You´re the one that went and got an organ dropped on you."
"Have I mentioned that I read your diary? You almost got bloody eaten by a teacher, and then there was that little incident with the hyena. Seems like you´re the one who´s a champion at getting himself in trouble here, mate."
At that point the doorman returned and waved a huge awkward paw toward the dark interior of the club. Xander might have been stupid enough to bait a vampire and fall for a demon and get accidentally taken over by a primal, but at least he had the good sense to shut up when faced with an eight–foot demon who did not like humans. Spike walked by the guard and strode down the familiar hallway, listening to Xander´s footsteps as Xander´s wildly beating heart fell in behind him.
"My heart was not beating wildly. My heart was beating like normal. Lots of normal. Besides what would you know about a normally beating heart? Hate to point this out, but your heart doesn´t beat. To you, one beat a minute is wildly beating," came a string of babble from the doorway. Angel rolled his eyes. Spike wasn´t getting anywhere fast, but at least he was getting there. Now Angel was faced with the prospect of more pointless bickering.
Luckily Wesley stood behind Xander, a bottle of scotch in one hand and some plastic cups and the other.
"Bloody hell, yes!" Spike said as he spotted the alcohol.
"Don´t," Angel insisted as he saw Wesley hesitate. One slip now and Spike was going to drink the whole damn bottle before anyone else got any. Rather than let that happen, Angel stepped forward and grabbed the bottle. With one twist, he had the top open. When Wesley offered a plastic glass, Angel didn´t waste any time in pouring himself a large drink. Lord knows he´d earned it.
"Look, you can´t believe a word Spike says," Xander said as he glared down. Spike leaned back in his chair and sent a bitter glare back. Angel tried to ignore the subtext of Xander standing close to Spike´s chair and Spike´s hand resting near his own groin. Oh yeah, things were not looking good. Angel drank the entire glass of scotch in one gulp and poured a second as Xander picked up the story.
"We went there, Spike did a lot of really embarrassing things, the owner of the club and Spike kept sneaking off to talk about business, we found the demon, Spike twisted its head off like an overgrown pimple... and can I say that from the stuff that came out of the neck, the image of the pimple is really appropriate here, and then things got a little complicated."
Angel looked at Xander in amazement not only because of the sheer number of words he managed to get out on one breath but also because the sentence had actually made sense. He was just going to try really, really hard to not think about "embarrassing things," and he would deal with Spike´s "business" with Peraed later. Right now he really all he wanted to no one answer. How the hell had these two ever managed to bond without killing each other first?
