Your fault... is not 2
Angel sat on the opposite corner of his desk from Wesley and tried to get his mind around the idea of Spike claiming Xander as a bonded human, but no matter how he turned things around in his head, he couldn´t quite get this new turn of events to actually fit in his brain. Angelus stirred unhappily for an entirely different set of reasons that Angel wasn´t even going to face at this point.
"I can see you´re bonded. I´m a little fuzzy on what led up to the bond," Angel said with as much patience as he could muster.
"Keep tryin´ ta tell that part, don´t I, but lackwit here keeps interrupting," Spike scowled over at Xander who glowered back, and Angel started wondering if anyone would notice if he just sneaked downstairs and left them to kill each other. After all, he could just tell Buffy they had never made it to LA. He was fairly sure Wesley would back him, and if not, he was certain the man was bribable. Angel had a sweet little second century book of transformative spells that would distract the man.
"Start talking," Angel ordered instead.
"Right, ´bout three weeks ago, I came––"
"Oh no you don´t Mr. Liar Pants. That part never happened."
"Oi, that´s logic for ya. Denial in´t the same as a thing not happening, ya ninny."
"We agreed. I´m no on the drinking myself stupid again, you´re no on the talking. Or the talking about this at least," Xander corrected himself when Spike´s mouth came open.
"Don´t need the bloody drink to reach a state of stupidity," Spike muttered, and now Angel could see Spike´s frustration rise. Those blue eyes narrowed, and Spike´s body leaned forward aggressively.
"Start with the demon, or I will stake you right now," Xander threatened, and Angel could hear the borderline panic in the boy´s voice.
"Xander, if you stake him, the chances are that bond will kill you," Angel explained. "And Spike, I really don´t want to be here all day so skip ahead to the demon and the bond before I lose the last bit of patience I own." Angel felt a headache start pressing in on his temples when both of them started glaring at him. At least it had sidetracked their bickering, though.
"Right, since no one cares ´bout the part that actually started this mess, I´ll just skip ahead then," Spike finally agreed sullenly.
"Slutty had gone out on patrol around back of several clubs in town, through the alleys, since people kept showing up without all their body parts still attached. Well, seems that walkin´ around doing absolutely nothing wore her out, so she went into one of these places where she spotted a demon. Said it made her skin tingle like a vamp, but it didn´t move like a vamp. She chased the thing back to Caabalis and then lost it in the crowd."
"I can´t believe you didn´t tell her about the whole demon bar thing." Xander said sullenly.
"Don´t tell her everything, now do I? Could be I should revise that policy, though."
"What´s that supposed to mean?"
"Oi, if you can´t figure it out, you´re dumber than ya look... which is really downright terrifying considering how ya look."
"Hey, Bleach Boy, I so do not look dumb."
"Right," Spike said unconvincingly.
"Moron," Xander complained before turning to Angel. "He´s leaving out the part where he was in Caabalis trying to con some blood out of some demon by selling information, probably information on us. And then, when Buffy walks into the middle of demon central, Mr. Braveheart here goes sneaking out the back leaving Buffy to fend for herself," Xander added, and Angel turned to look in surprise at Spike. Caabalis had never been the type of place Spike had preferred.
"Bloody hell, she´s the slayer. If she can´t take care of herself without havin´ a vamp help her, it´s time to bring out the new model."
"You son of a bitch," Xander stood and took one step forward, and Spike stood and vamped out. Angel registered Wesley retreating over his desk even as he stepped between the two of them.
"Enough," he bellowed, and both men stopped.
"I´ve never killed enough people to deserve this. You, sit," Angel barked at Xander. "You, lose the fangs or I will remind you of how I taught you to control your demon´s face," Angel snapped at Spike. For one moment, nothing happened, but then Spike´s face ripped back into his human features and he stepped back. Xander dropped into his chair heavily enough that Angel could hear the joints on the chair creak in protest. Angel sent a reproachful look upwards since he just knew this was the Powers´ way of making him suffer. If he had to be tortured, why couldn´t it be holy water and evisceration?
"Okay, Xander, you try telling the story," Angel tried as he slowly backed up and took a seat on the edge of the desk again.
"Buffy came back with steam coming out her ears after Mr. Turncoat there took one look and ran, and when she described the demon, Giles got out these books that must have been a thousand years old and we had to spend all night looking for something that ´tingled´ like a vampire, looked human, and moved like a snake, which really... I have to tell you that I have better things to do with my time." Spike snorted his disbelief and Xander glared over at him. "I do."
"Keep tellin´ yourself that," Spike smirked.
"At least I´m not off selling out the people who saved my worthless skin from the Initiative."
"You lot tied me up and let the Indian bloke take shots at me. And you voted to stake me."
"Still would," Xander corrected him, but Angel could hear the lie in the way his voice shook slightly.
"Oi, it´s not me that got staked," Spike pointed out with a sly expression, and Angel´s foot, which had been braced on the edge of his trashcan, slipped and sent the metal canister clattering across the room. Some things he just truly did not need to know. And now Xander was turning a violent shade of red that Angel usually associated with having blood on the outside of the body rather than the inside. Oh god. They couldn´t. They hadn´t.
"The demon," Angel hurriedly interrupted as he considered the trail of crumpled paper now strewn about his office. "It was a Maoria. Did Giles figure that out?" Angel quickly diverted the conversation. Just knowing that at some point Spike and Xander had... No, he really didn´t want any more details on that part of the story.
"Yeah," Xander said. "We found this description, and to kill it we needed to find its magical amulet, but that would be around the demon´s neck at all times, and the demon was staying in the basement of Caabalis, and when Buffy found out they had a demon bed and breakfast all set up in there, she was all for going and burning the place to the ground, and I have to say, I was on board with the death and destruction plan. Well, at least until Giles pointed out that there were wards and shields."
"So Buffy waits outside for the Maoria," Angel said. As much as he wanted to know how Spike had managed this mess, he wanted this story over even more. There was just so much random babble he could take in a day.
"Yeah, small problem with that one, mate. Seems like the Maoria had been storin´ up livers," Spike added as he flung a leg over the arm of the chair so that he was sprawled obscenely. Angel didn´t miss Xander´s eyes darting over toward Spike before Xander jerked back and started staring at Angel.
"It´s breeding," Wesley nearly whispered.
"Yep," Spike confirmed. "Which meant if Slutty wanted the thing killed, someone had to go inside Caabalis."
"I told them sending you was a bad idea," Xander said sullenly.
"I told them that makin´ you come with me was a worse one, didn´t I? If you would´ve opened your gob about why you´ve been avoidin´ me like some sort of leper, maybe they wouldn´t have insisted you come along." Spike´s words made Xander´s blush return to full color, and Angel was starting to get a very bad feeling about what had been going on in Sunnydale.
"Giles sent the two of you in together?" Angel asked, unable to even imagine why the Watcher would do that.
"It´s not like you can trust Spike," Xander pointed out.
"Oi, I´m as trustworthy as the next vamp," Spike protested.
"Which would be not at all," Xander insisted as he looked from Angel to Spike unapologetically. Angel rolled his eyes and got up to walk around the desk and drop into his seat.
"Okay, so I understand why you two would have gone to the club together, but I still haven´t heard anything that would make a bond even possible," Angel pointed out.
"Right, we´re gettin´ there," Spike promised, and Angel had to resist the urge to put his head down and hide.
"Get there faster please," he pleaded. He really, really needed something stronger than coffee if he was going to make it through this conversation.
