Trickster´s Treat Sequel –
Janus´ Shadow 13
Xander stirred his mashed potatoes, blending the flecks of brown and black as he tried to achieve a perfect even gray.
"I burned them. I can´t believe I burned them," Buffy complained. Buffy glanced toward Angel, and Xander flinched. If he hadn´t gone over the deep end, Spike wouldn´t have called Angel, and Angel would be playing babysitter to make sure he ´fessed up, and then Angel wouldn´t be here looking miserable and making Buffy look even more miserable.
Heck, Xander hadn´t seen Buffy look so frazzled since she´d done the dead thing; in fact, when she opened the door to see Angel, she lost so much color from her face that she looked near dead. And Angel´s hands fluttered. Literally. He finally shoved them deep into his pockets, and Xander could almost taste Angel´s need to touch. Yeah, this was turning out pretty well sucky all ´round.
"They aren´t burned; they´re just... a little crunchy," Willow came to her defense. From the couch, Spike snorted. He´d been exiled from the kitchen and table after trying to slip blood into the cranberry sauce. Xander pushed his potatoes closer to his green bean casserole and watched over his shoulder as Spike dipped strips of turkey into his cup and then pulled them out dripping blood. Angel sat in the chair, choosing exile over sitting at the table with his mug of blood.
"They´re burned," Buffy insisted. "Don´t try to make excuses, I have officially ruined Thanksgiving."
"I hardly think burned potatoes spell the end of civilization," Giles offered, but Xander noticed that he spent more time pushing potatoes around than actually eating them.
"But it´s Thanksgiving, and I wanted it to be perfect, and instead the potatoes are burned, and I don´t think pumpkin pie is supposed to be that color. I wanted this to be traditional." Xander gave up Spike watching to focus on Buffy, who could take an apocalypse in stride but was clearly losing it on the burned potatoes.
"Hey, considering my mom´s tradition included reheated KFC mash potatoes and a cans of beets, I´m calling this perfect," Xander added as he scooped up a big load and shoved them in his mouth.
"I still think we should have done something to honor the millions of Native Americans who died as a result of European invasion," Willow softly whispered.
"Oh, no, you are not starting that again. No discussion of disease, genocide or conquest at my table," Buffy threatened as she made stabby motions with her fork in the air.
"I rather thought it was my table," Giles said at the same time Spike blurted loudly, "Blood and genocide´s a fun way to spend a day. Used ta amuse Dru no end to pull someone into bloody bits."
"You´re ruining the day. I had this all planned, and you´re ruining it," Buffy said as she stood up quickly enough to make her chair bounce backwards and nearly fall. Xander swallowed quickly. Buffy´s eyes darted between the table and Spike and Angel, and Xander could practically feel the pain from her.
"Not ruined, the day is definitely not ruined. Is it?" Willow turned her best challenge face to each person in turn. Only Spike glared back at her without ducking his head.
"Not really one ta judge since any day with the slayer´s a bit of misery for me," he offered with a smile. Willow´s face froze and then she looked to Xander in horror.
"So, anyone up for parade fun? We could count the number of fake smiles," Xander suggested. "Or maybe play ´spot the giant animal naughty parts´," Xander added in desperation. Okay, so there had only been one float in the parade that one year that had a boat placed in a suggestive position, but the sight of a giant flower bear with what appeared to be a giant bear penis sticking out in front had been worth many years of mocking.
"The parades were this morning," Willow said in her disappointed voice that always made Xander feel about two inches high... well, either that or it made him want to eat her, and he really did need therapy.
"Angel, you can come back to the table. The comment about the yuckiness of blood was for your idiot childe," Buffy said as she stood beside the table looking somewhat lost.
"Oi, watch your mouth, slayer. Not the broody one´s childe, am I?" Spike´s glare made it very clear that he hadn´t intended the comment as a question.
"I´m fine here," Angel demurred. "And Spike really can´t be called my childe any more, Buffy."
Xander watched through his lashes as Giles snatched his glasses off his face and polished them as he looked from one to another. Oh yeah, the man knew way too much. Xander found himself wanting to eat nosey watchers who recorded in books exactly how vampires changed sires.
"I don´t know why he has to be here at all," Buffy sighed under her breath, and Spike crossed his arms and sneered her direction.
"He came with me," Xander said quietly. A parade of inappropriate jokes trotted through his mind, but he actually managed to keep his mouth closed as he let his words sit in the air without even trying to distract or apologize.
"Oh yeah, like that makes it so much better. I still don´t understand why Giles pushed him off onto you, because chip or no chip, he can´t be trusted." Buffy crossed her arms, and Xander bit his tongue to keep from pointing out that she was only getting all cranky because she was strangely insecure about her potato skills.
He glanced over and Spike had a closed expression. Xander paused for a minute, wondering why Buffy´s words would even bother Spike, and then it occurred to him that he wasn´t exactly sticking up for Spike. He glanced at Angel, who had narrowed his eyes. Part of Xander wanted to hide in the mashed potato castle he had created on his plate. Okay, he could do this. He just needed to do this in front of Buffy. Funny how Buffy make him want to hide under jokes and brightly colored shirts.
"Yeah, ´cause he´s a vampire," Xander said softly, daring Buffy to walk out onto that thin ice.
"No, because he´s soulless," she insisted before she snatched the bowl of flecky mashed potatoes and disappeared into the kitchen. Plastic rustled, and Xander just wished his own personal castle of gray charcoal mush had joined its mother in the trash, preferably with him still in it. Buffy came back without the bowl and practically threw herself down in a chair. Her eyes focused past Xander toward the living room. From her sad sigh, Xander guessed she wasn´t looking at Spike. Xander never thought he would miss his mother´s Thanksgivings, but drunk people slobbering over fast food and dry turkey was way better than this.
"A soul doesn´t make a person perfect, or even good," Xander stated quietly. He shifted a little more, sitting sideways in his chair so he could see Angel and Spike better. Angel studied his mug, and Spike watched, the closed expression replaced with curiosity.
"But not having one, that´s a guarantee that a person is bad," Buffy countered. Willow stirred her potatoes; Giles put his glasses back on his face and then immediately removed them again.
"It means a person doesn´t care about right and wrong––doesn´t understand right and wrong," Xander admitted slowly. "But a person can be big with the not understanding and still not kill."
"Yeah, right," Buffy snorted as she stabbed several green beans. She shoved them in her mouth with enough force that Xander worried about things like her stabbing herself in the back of the throat. Xander glanced over at the vampires, but Spike looked confused and Angel just continued to stare at his mug silently. No help there.
"Just because a person has a soul and wants to do the right thing doesn´t mean that he always does... do the right thing I mean. A soul can´t keep a person from screwing up," Xander tried again. "And hey, why do we always screw up instead of screwing down or screwing sideways?" Xander bit his tongue. While Giles stared at him intensely, Buffy just kept glaring at her plate as though it was about to grown horns and try to suck the world into hell. He actually would have preferred hellsucky distraction.
"Are we talking about Faith, because if I can´t talk about genocide at the table, I don´t think you should bring up Faith," Willow interrupted with a near whisper.
"In my family, having serious conversations over a large dinner was very traditional," Giles answered as he busied his hands with polishing a fork with the pink paper towels Buffy had put next to each plate. "Thank god we rarely had dinners together," he added.
Everyone fell silent. Xander worked the turkey with his knife and fork. He could practically feel Angel silently glaring at the back of his head, but Xander needed to mentally practice some more. ´Hey, Buff, I killed someone.´ ´Guys, I´ve decided to check out Faith´s side of the moral fence.´ ´I killed someone, but don´t worry, I don´t plan on going full–out evil.´ Yeah, he needed a better line. Outside of his head, the sound of tapping silverware filled the air.
"I´m glad you could come to dinner, Angel," Buffy finally said as she stared at the plate.
"I told you that I would be here whenever you needed me. I just couldn´t––" Angel stopped. Buffy´s fork smashed a pea and then pushed the remains around on the plate.
"I know," she said softly. "I guess I just didn´t expect you back so quickly."
"Xander needed me," Angel offered, and Buffy looked up, trapping Xander in a confused gaze. With the heat rising to his face, Xander glared over his shoulder at Angel who looked back with calm certainly.
"Xander?" Giles asked sharply.
"You got fired again, didn´t you?" Willow asked. "I tried to see you the other day at the hotdog place, and they said the manager fired you for missing shift, and I didn´t say anything because I know you´re all sensitive, but you just need to find a job that fits what you do. Have you tried phone work? You have a good voice, and I bet you´d do well with phone work, and you wouldn´t smell when you got off shift." Willow managed to get all that out in one breath, and Xander could feel his face turning a darker shade of red. God, how many lies did he need to confess in one day?
"Um, I might have another job," Xander admitted. "I do some translating and I don´t have to do anything smelly. Well, usually," Xander admitted after a pause. "There was this one book written on Drayack dung that kinda smelled bad."
"Drak dung? What?" Buffy´s skin wrinkled between her eyes, a sure sign of worry. But then again, she also narrowed her eyes, which meant pissed, and Xander stirred his green bean casserole into his mashed potatoes.
"Xander works for Uick," Giles said softly, and Xander could see Angel´s eyes going wide. Of course, his own eyes went wide at the thought of Giles knowing. From the look Giles gave him, a cross between annoyance and sympathy, Xander suspected that the man was big with the knowing.
"Oh goddess. A demon?" Willow squeaked.
"He´s not a bad guy," Xander hurried to defend his boss. "And I´m fairly sure he has a soul because he does worry about right and wrong and not doing anything to blow the world up, especially if he´s still on it," Xander pointed out, waving a bit of turkey on the end of his fork, and he really wished he could find some vampire cool because he could feel every insecurity blowing up like a balloon until it pushed all the cool out through his pores.
"I´m afraid the Council would disagree with you, Xander," Giles commented right before he shrugged noncommittally, "but then I´ve had more than enough evidence to suggest the Council is full of shit." Giles´ words made everyone look at him in shock.
"Please, people, your generation did not invent profanity," he said as he stood and took his plate with most of the food still on it to the kitchen. Xander took that as permission to give up and he followed with his own mangled dinner even though Buffy and Willow both glared fire at him.
"Oi, you tell ´em Rupert," Spike added from the couch. Xander finished scraping his leavings, and he passed the table on his way back to the living room, dropping down on the couch close enough to Spike that their hips pressed into one another, and he put a hand onto Spike´s thigh. If he was going to torpedo the dinner, destroy his friendships, and incur the wrath of the slayer over a ruined Thanksgiving dinner, he might as well do it with style.
"Um, Xander, touchage," Willow choked out, her eyes wide as she stumbled over her words.
"Think he noticed, ducks," Spike offered with a happy leer.
"Oh no. No, no, no. What have you done to Xander because Xander is not gay. He had a crush on me!" Buffy protested.
"That´d be enough ta make a man bent," Spike shot back, and Xander moved his hand off Spike´s thigh long enough to slap the vampire up side the back of the head.
"Oi, just saying the truth, and I didn´t even point out that chattin´ up that lanky streak of piss doesn´t prove your heterosexuality."
"Listen, you castrated––"
"Spike, keep a decent tongue in your mouth or I´ll rip it out," Angel interrupted Buffy as he stood up and glared down at Spike.
"Bloody bog–trot––" Spike started, and Xander slapped one hand over Spike´s mouth before Angel completely lost control.
"Hey, no bloodshed. Bloodshed bad," Xander insisted as he held his free hand out toward Angel placatingly. The suction and delicate trace of a tongue over his palm simply made him blush darker.
"Perhaps we could get back on topic without any violence which might threaten my living room furniture." Giles leaned against the wall looking both tired and ready to snap.
"Xander, why did you call Angel for help?" Willow asked as she abandoned the dinner table and the hacked turkey and the pile of brown rolls.
"Um, I didn´t?" Xander said, even though he knew he was only delaying the inevitable. Surprisingly, Spike remained silent and Angel sat back down in the chair. For a second, Buffy remained dangerously close to Spike, her back stiff with anger. However, then she stepped back to Angel´s side, leaning against his chair. Angel stared at his hands, crossing and uncrossing his fingers in his lap.
"Xander?" Willow asked, and while he could stand up against everyone´s anger, he had no defense against Willow´s worried face.
"Whatever happened, you can tell us," Giles assured him.
"Spike happened. I don´t know why you let him anywhere near Xander. Angel, you need to take Spike with you or I´ll just stake him right now." Buffy went so far as to reach for her trusty stake, and Xander could feel a sire´s anger rise like a fire doused in gasoline.
"No!" Xander growled as he stood up. Buffy physically started before crossing her arms. And that was Buffy´s cranky expression. Part of Xander wanted to crawl into a corner, but for the first time Xander braced himself. Okay, most of him braced himself while a little part ran and hid. "Not happening," he repeated.
"Buffy, it´s not my decision to make. If Xander wants Spike to stay here, I won´t get in the middle," Angel said softly. Xander felt a bit of smugness.
"Okay, I´m feeling out of the loop here. Is anyone else feeling out of the loop," Buffy asked the whole room.
"I rather wish I were more out of the loop," Giles commented, and Xander eeped as he felt Spike´s hand grab his ass. Willow made a matching noise and sat down in the dining room chair Xander had just left.
"Spike," Xander said from between clenched teeth.
"They seem so bloody clueless, just thought I´d hand ´em a clue," Spike said and then he ran his tongue inside his lower lip in a way that made Xander want sex. A Giles–cough reminded Xander of the audience, which killed the lust–itch.
"Oh goddess," Willow breathed. "The kiss." Even though shock had reduced Willow to incoherent fragments of sentences, Xander blushed as he realized what she realized, which was entirely too much realizing going on.
"Kiss? What kiss?" Buffy asked.
"Halloween. I saw Xander... vampy Xander... kissing Spike."
"Yes, I think we can, given vampire natures, assume that more than kissing happened. I really do need to go kill Ethan Rayne."
"You mean you two–" Buffy stopped as she looked from Xander to Spike with wide eyes. "And I am getting the wiggins here." Buffy sat down on the arm of Angel´s chair.
"I´m already there," Willow added. "Not that there´s anything wrong with the gay thing, because I´m all for gayness... or straightness. Either one is just fine. But you hated Angel being with Buffy." Xander flinched. Of course it had to come back to that.
"I hated Angel being with the slayer," Xander corrected her. "Okay, at the beginning I just hated Angel because he had the cool going and I didn´t, but then I found my cool, which is about the same time I found my inner bloodthirsty demon, and then I just didn´t like the slayer thing. It´s a little too Romeo and Juliet, and unless I slept through the wrong part of class, that didn´t end well."
"Always preferred Titus Andronicus myself," Spike said with a shrug as he sprawled on the end of the couch looking more and more comfortable.
"Yes, that´s hardly a surprise," Giles commented. "However, none of this explains why Angel would feel a need to come back to Sunnydale."
"Um." Xander stopped. This was not how he´d practiced this speech. "Uh."
"Bloody hell, mate, just cough it out so we can bunk off and head back to the flat. Soddin´ stinks in here with all the burnt food."
"Watch it," Buffy threatened as she reached behind her, but at least this time she looked like she was joking... mostly.
"Um, how far back should I go?" Xander asked as he glanced toward Angel looking for help. Instead Angel just clenched his jaw and refused to say anything as Giles suggested that they start back on that Halloween.
"Xander, we all love you, you know that, right?" Willow asked seriously, and Xander closed his hand around Spike´s knee until his knuckles turned white.
"Um, you might want to wait until the end of the story to say that. I think I may need to hear it then," Xander admitted as he felt an almost overwhelming fear at the thought of letting these people see how much of the vampire he still carried with him. He looked over to Angel, and the older vamp turned his head and stared at a wall. Right, really no help there.
Taking a deep breath, Xander started with capturing and raping the two Aurelius demons. At one point, Buffy gave a small sob and reached down for Angel´s hand, twining her fingers with his.
Xander went on to the night when minions had dragged him back to the mansion and he had played for time as he distracted Angelus with his own body while Spike went to find Buffy. While Giles´ hands curled around the back of the chair hard enough to cut off circulation in his fingers, Willow sat with silent tears. Xander stared at the floor, feeling like he was betraying his friends by putting his own pain off onto them. When he stopped telling the story, Spike´s hand reached out and curled around his arm, pulling him into a loose embrace that Xander leaned into.
Xander then went into how he had forced Spike to submit. Well, mostly. He left out the parts with the sex, but from Angel´s yellow tinted eyes and Giles furious wiping of glasses, Xander didn´t think he´d fooled anyone. When he got to the part where he and Spike were running from the soldiers, he stopped. His mouth got drier than Buffy´s turkey, and he found himself utterly out of words. Nada. Zitch. Not even a conjunction.
"Xander, you can tell us," Willow said as she leaned forward on her chair, one hand reaching toward him and then pulling back when Spike growled. The arm around Xander tightened, and he could feel a jealous protectiveness in every tense muscle in Spike´s body. It gave Xander strength to take a deep breath and try again.
"I just," Xander stopped again, and Spike´s arm around his waist tightened. "I went walking on the Faith side," he whispered.
"Oh good lord." Giles sat down quickly.
"Xander!" Willow wailed softly. Buffy didn´t say anything; she just leaned back into Angel who continued to look at the carpet even with his fingers still curled around Buffy´s hand.
"Bloody hell, I´ve eaten thousands of the bloody happy meals, don´t know why you lot are getting your knickers in a twist over one soddin´ soldier boy," Spike snapped back, and Xander could feel himself harden. It was as though the pain and guilt and shame curled up like a hair set on fire, and he sat up on the couch.
"I did what I had to. He was after us," Xander calmly insisted.
"They were after Spike," Buffy shot back as she stood up and stepped toward them. Xander could feel pins and needles prickling down his back as Buffy stepped closer. Standing up, he met her eyes without flinching. "They were after Spike for a good reason; he´s a killer." Buffy put her hands on her hips, and the guilt and tears she had shown earlier in his story disappeared under shock and more than a little anger.
"What exactly did you do?" Giles asked.
"I hit him with my car, and then I accidentally ran over him," Xander admitted, and for the first time, he said it without any guilt at all. The human attacked him, he killed the human. Simple.
"Did you stop and check him?"
"Right, we just pulled the car over and asked his mate if everythin´ was okay," Spike sarcastically bit. "I´m deeply ashamed that you lot ever managed to stop my plans."
"So you don´t know whether you killed him or not," Giles said, ignoring the sarcasm.
"Um, hello, I hit him with a car and then ran over him. I´m thinking dead," Xander sat as his knees became suddenly weak. "And I´m thinking therapy."
"For a dead guy?" Willow asked.
"For me," Xander corrected her as he leaned back. Spike´s hand immediately found his neck, rubbing at the sore muscles.
"Xander, how fast were you going when you hit the soldier?" Giles had his teacher voice out now, and Xander sighed in frustration. He could feel guilt and pain circling the edge of something hard that made him not really care.
"Wasn´t really paying attention, G–man."
"Bastard stepped right out in front when Xander tried to pull onto the curb," Spike said for him.
"So, even assuming that you floored that old banger of yours, you couldn´t have gotten over ten miles an hour."
"And then I ran him over," Xander pointed out. Willow finally closed her mouth, which had been formed into a perfect oval since the big revelation.
"Xander, the human body is rather remarkable. It is entirely possible to survive such an accident, especially with immediate medical care."
"What? You mean... Wait, we didn´t stop to help," Xander could feel the babble rise as relief washed through him so suddenly that his muscles seemed to turn to big, soft, overcooked noodles just like his mom used to make.
"The other soldier was right there to take him to hospital," Spike pointed out as he rolled his eyes. Xander sucked air in to quickly, making him light–headed. Then he planted an elbow in Spike´s stomach for the whole eye roll thing.
"Not to be the one with the but, but that still doesn´t change the fact that Xander would have killed for Spike," Buffy pointed out, her hands still planted on her hips. Xander wondered if it was just him or if the room had actually started shrinking. He felt the room shrinking. "Does anyone else have a problem with–?"
"I think I would have done the same," Angel cut her off as he pulled his hand free.
"You wouldn´t have killed an innocent person," Buffy insisted.
"I killed a demon who was trying to protect a girl. I let a human die and then fed off his body. I´ve done things that I´m not proud of, and I had the soul the whole time." Angel stood.
"You wouldn´t," Buffy turned to look at each member of the room, clearly confused. Willow just looked back with her mouth open again. Giles returned to cleaning his glasses.
"I really think we´ve outstayed our welcome. Buff, I´m much with the sorriness about the dinner."
"Oh no. You do not get to drop verbal napalm and run for the hills."
"Yeah, no running, mister," Willow backed Buffy. "But maybe we could talk this out with just us," she added sheepishly.
"Perhaps it would be best to have a discussion without quite so much aggression in the air." Giles didn´t name names, but his eyes focused first on Angel and then Spike. Part of Xander could understand that since the vampires weren´t part of the Scooby gang. Most of him just wanted to growl at Giles, though.
"Xander, I´m sure they would feel better for talking to you without us. Spike and I can patrol a graveyard or two," Angel commented without emotion. Xander wondered how he managed it with his hands dug so deep into his pockets and his body practically radiating shame.
"Oi, that´s the bloody slayer´s job, and unless someone pays me, I´m not doin´ it," Spike instantly complained. The hand on Xander´s neck tightened, telling Xander his childe´s real concern.
"Spike, I´ll be fine. You and Angel go do something vampiry, and I´ll be back at the apartment in a couple of hours," he promised. Spike´s leg started bouncing, and as Xander leaned against Spike, he could feel the body tighten.
"Willy owes me a few drinks for nearly turning me to dust," Angel said as he took a step toward the door. "I think it´s time to collect."
Xander looked over suspiciously. Angel typically avoided Willy unless he wanted information, and the innocent expression didn´t make him any less suspicious. Spike´s leg stopped bouncing, and he cocked his head as he looked up.
"Right then. You´re buying," Spike announced after a second. Standing up, he cracked his neck first one way and then the other before heading for the front door. Angel followed, and Xander was left with his oldest friends in the world. As the door closed, he found himself wishing he was facing a mob of angry townspeople–pitchforks, torches and all.
