Love of Learning 4
The next day passed in a blur. William twice called students by incorrect names, and blushed in his third period class when there was some low knowing laughter in the back row. Most likely the reaction had nothing to do with him. But he couldn´t help but think that somehow everyone could see the thoughts in his mind, and thought him ridiculous.
He had slept poorly the night before, trying to push unbidden images out of his mind. At last he had given up, and thrown the covers off, taken himself in hand. He wished that the scenes playing out in his mind´s eye had been from his memories of or fantasies about his fiancée; instead, the image that made him gasp as he pushed himself into his fist was of Xander Harris, straddling his lap and kissing him, shuddering against him, until they both came.
"Xander!" he exclaimed when the student who had been on his mind all day leaned against the doorway of his classroom.
Xander grinned at him as he brushed his wavy hair out of his eyes impatiently. "Hey. We tutoring?"
And just like that, they continued on as though they had never experienced any of the odd intimacies and trespasses of the night before. Xander took a seat at one of the student desks, paid attention to William with only the occasional joke or question thrown in, and applied himself to working on one of his long–overdue papers.
It was unnerving, seeing the same boy, yes, with the winning smile and sharp sense of humor, but so clearly a student, not a peer, not...something more, whatever it had seemed the night before when Xander had visited his home.
It made William feel uneasy, as though he had been the one to cast the spell of the night before, reading things into the situation that simply hadn´t been there.
And yet...it seemed quite clear that Xander had slyly pushed at boundaries and made remarks that could be taken in questionable ways.
But how he was to prove that to himself, he was unsure.
So they did their tutoring the rest of that week, and part of the next. Xander consistently showed up on time, took notes, even raised his hand when he wanted to speak though it was only the two of them in the classroom after regular school hours.
The only things that weren´t normal were the dreams and fantasies William couldn´t stop from playing out in his mind. Fantasies in which Xander backed him against the desk, angling his body against William´s so that their erections met, so that they rubbed against one another until they both came with a cry.
Xander would be looking down at his composition books, diligently scribbling or looking up a passage in a text, and William would imagine what it might be like if Xander would bend over his lap, pushing away his hands and undoing his belt and fly, putting his mouth over William´s...
"Mr. Miller?" Xander asked.
"Sorry, yes?" William sputtered.
"We´re done, right? I can go?"
William opened his mouth then shut it again. "Yes, we´re... You can...go." He watched Xander give him a quick grin and then gather up his things with haste, as though the boy had a thousand better places to be. When Xander left the room, he gave William only a cursory wave and then was off, bounding out into the hall, before William could even ask if perhaps he needed a ride somewhere.
He stopped by his office to drop off the sheaf of papers he´d already graded and pick up the outlines that his seniors had dropped off that afternoon. He was already on his way to his car when he heard a voice calling his name.
"Mr. Miller, I forgot, Mr. Miller!" Xander ran up to him, cheeks ruddy, hair a tumble of wavy locks and curls, and wide smile.
"Forgot something in the classroom?" William asked.
Xander laughed. "No, just –– I was telling my uncle how it helped, when you watched that movie with me? And he gave me this kind of care–package thing, you know, midnight snacks and stuff, and he put in another movie adaptation of a book we´re reading later the semester. Cool, huh?"
William smiled. If nothing else, even if there were moments between them that had transgressed normal teacher–student interactions, at least Xander´s interest in literature seemed to have been piqued through their tutoring sessions. "That´s wonderful. And you´ve watched it already?"
"Oh, no." Xander´s face fell. "Remember how I was saying, the guys at the dorm are always taking over the common–room television, doing marathons of shows and stuff like that? And no one wanted to watch a movie about one of the books we´re reading, so I totally got voted down."
"What a shame," William said feelingly.
"Yeah." Xander kicked at a clump of dirt and grass that was lying at the edge of pavement and field, and then looked up. "Unless maybe... I don´t know. Would you mind if we...um...do you feel like watching it?"
William blinked. "Well. I don´t see why not––"
"Is now good? Because now is good. For me," Xander said in a rush.
William swallowed, wondering if he ought to put a stop to this interaction from the start. Whether he should just gently put Xander off, tell him to find out about the school´s audio–visual resources aside from the common rooms, maybe even make a remark that it wasn´t really appropriate for Xander to come over to watch the film unless he had classmates who accompanied him to William´s apartment.
He took a deep breath.
"Come on, it´ll be a blast," Xander said with a small grin.
"All right," he found himself saying.
They came back to William´s apartment just as the sky was beginning to grow hazy in the twilight. William went to put his papers and books down in his study, leaving Xander to set up the DVD player.
"Would you like some sort of snack?" he asked as he stopped in the kitchen on the way back to the living room.
"I am all about the snacks," Xander called back. His voice sounded muffled.
William dug around in his cupboards and found a package of popcorn, some crackers that Elizabeth had bought on her last visit, and a few small chocolate bars left over from his supply of candy that he had handed out to neighboring children on Halloween. "Will this do?" he asked as he brought it all into the living room.
"That´s great," Xander said with enthusiasm. He stood up quickly from where he had been kneeling behind the television set. "Got any soda?"
"I think so. Let me check."
When William returned with two glasses filled with ice and a liter bottle of soda, Xander was frowning at the television.
"Is something the matter?" William asked. He set down the glasses on the coffee table.
"Weird," Xander said. He whapped the television and then fiddled with the cable connection at the back. "Maybe the bulb just burned out."
"Oh," William said. "Does that . . . happen?"
Xander grinned, almost indulgently. "It can sometimes. Looks like your set is kind of old."
"Yes, well." William found himself smiling back. "Electronics are not my forte."
"Good thing you have other fortes," Xander agreed. William´s fingers went to his cheeks inadvertently as he felt them burn. "I guess we´re out of luck then," Xander continued.
William cleared his throat. "I do have another set. In fact, it is a better one than this, and I use it more often. But . . ."
Xander said nothing, just stood there at ease as though he was prepared to wait.
"But it´s in my bedroom," William finished. He took a breath. "I suppose we could carry it in here, if you wouldn´t mind helping me connect it."
"Hey, no need," Xander said. He had already turned on his heel and was walking towards the corridor. "This way, right? We´ll just watch it in there."
"I don´t know . . ." William began.
"I figure if we watch it there, you won´t have to reconnect everything yourself. No sense messing it all up for a two–hour movie."
William had to admit that it sounded reasonable. "All right," he said after a pause.
"Great! Oh, can we still have snacks in there?"
William shook his head, but he laughed. "Yes, I don´t see why not."
