Love of Learning 3
Which was how they came to be seated side by side on William´s unattractive but very comfortable couch a few hours later. When they had pulled into the parking lot of the video rental place, William remembered that he actually had a copy of the film at home in a pile of DVDs that an acquaintance had given him when he moved. It certainly made things easier. And of course, it saved the awkwardness of perhaps running into one of the other faculty members (or even a dean) and explain what he was doing of a Thursday evening, renting a movie with a sixteen or seventeen year old student.
Not that there was any impropriety whatsoever; of that William was sure. Rather, he was giving to Xander the attention that the boy so obviously desired, and which would spur him to bend to his studies with greater focus.
Because William had watched the film a number of times before, he was quite familiar with this particular adaptation of the narrative, the composition of the scenes, and the particular choices in dialogue the director had decided to feature. So he found his attention was drawn to Xander rather than to the events unfolding onscreen.
His attempt to capture the young man´s interest by viewing the film with him seemed a very good choice. Xander gave full focus to the movie, occasionally laughing aloud at a humorous moment or biting that full bottom lip of his when the action turned tense.
On occasion Xander had a question about the differences between the book and the cinematic version, and William strove to answer them carefully while creating more curiosity about the novel´s presentation of narrative.
At one point Xander rose to use the bathroom. When he returned he flicked off the light switch that controlled the two lamps flanking the couch. "That´s okay, right?" he asked William even as he was making his way back to sit down. "Just, you know, gets rid of the glare that way."
"Oh, of course," William agreed. He leaned forward to reach the remote and start the film once more. When he sat back against the couch, he realized with a slight start that Xander was now seated closer to him than he had been before.
"That´s the guy who was lurking around at the start," Xander said very suddenly. He pointed at the malicious looking character that had reappeared onscreen.
"Yes," William said, surprised that Xander had noticed and remembered. "Even the characters with the briefest of introductions often reappear in Dickens´s narratives, or that a character who is only mentioned will later on enter the scene. You´ll find that is even more the case with the novels."
"Cool," Xander said. He turned back to the movie with interest, and stretched his arm across the back of the couch.
William once more found himself casting sidelong glances at Xander, watching the boy´s lips part at moments of suspense, and seeing his eyes shine with excitement as the many intricate knots of the narrative at last began to unravel.
At one point William reflected that he should make some sort of excuse to rise and then return to sit a bit further away from the boy. Xander´s arm, so close to him, seemed verging on sliding down into a more intimate gesture.
But then again, he didn´t wish to embarrass Xander in any way, not when he´d just begun to win the boy over.
Some time later, when he thought again about it, he noticed that Xander´s arm was no longer across the back of the couch. And he noticed that because the warmth of Xander´s hand on his thigh had begun to seep through the fabric of his trousers and reach his skin.
William swallowed hard. It was most likely an absent–minded movement, an unconscious gesture. Or if it was self–aware, it was nothing more than reaching out for some affection. Still . . .
"Xander," he said hesitantly.
"Don´t worry, I´m still totally paying attention," Xander grumbled in a good–natured voice.
"What?" William took a closer look at the screen. Indeed, this was one of the pivotal plot points now unfolding. "Yes, of course you are," he said in confusion.
"But don´t worry," Xander said with a wink. "I´ll forget all about it and be surprised when I get to this part in the book."
William laughed perhaps a bit more than the joke warranted. Just as he had earlier found himself embroiled in making plans to watch a movie he had never agreed to see, now he found that he was accepting the weight of Xander´s hand on him uneasily while Xander had begun to stroke lightly up and down his thigh. He ought to have spoken up during the initial touch, but now they were in the midst of something to which he had somehow acquiesced.
At the same time that it was disconcerting, it also somehow seemed casual, natural even, Xander´s fingertips dangling along the leg of his trousers almost as an afterthought while Xander devoted what was obviously the better part of his attention to the film.
And though William had seen Xander talking and laughing with the other students, no doubt Xander was lonely, having changed schools so suddenly in the middle of the term. He had to adjust to an entirely new group of peers, some of who had attended classes together since their first days in the lower school.
If William rejected this small gesture of closeness, quite likely he would add to Xander´s difficulties, his feelings of isolation, and perhaps contribute to the estrangement that made the young man unable to reach his potential in his classes.
As much as William was considering how best to handle the situation, it wasn´t so very surprising that he didn´t notice any change at first. But at last it was impossible to ignore that the pressure had gradually increased, and that the back–and–forth strokes of Xander´s fingers had gained speed.
The action on the screen concluded, and the credits began to scroll across the screen.
"Why don´t I just?" William choked out. He had no idea what he was going to suggest he do; but it seemed imperative that he find some way to move gracefully away from this situation.
"Credits," Xander said automatically. His fingers skimmed up higher than they had gone before, edging just below the meeting of William´s thigh and groin before stopping. "Have to watch the credits. It´s like a movie–theater rule." His touch stayed still, the heat from his hand radiating ever–closer to William´s . . . oh god, he was actually hardening at the feel of the boy´s hand on him. But if he shifted away, no doubt Xander´s hand would move too, and the dangers entwined in the possible outcomes of that made William´s face flush hotly.
"Ah, but we´re not in a movie theater," William finally replied. He barely recognized his own voice, faint and tinny in his ears.
"Yeah, but . . . oh, come on," Xander said good–naturedly. "They´re almost over."
William coughed. When the credits ended, he could slip away from Xander´s touch, rise to turn off the television in the still–darkened room and flee into the bedroom under some pretense or other. "Yes, all right."
The actors´ names had already passed over the screen, and the long list of technical contributions was close to finishing when Xander murmured, "Thanks."
"Oh?" William asked in distraction.
"For agreeing to the whole tutoring thing. For hanging out with me tonight. It´s been a little weird, changing schools. I guess . . . it helps, knowing that you . . . Anyway, thanks."
William intended to say something about how of course all the instructors at McKenzie tried to create a welcoming environment. The atmosphere was already charged, and he knew that it was his responsibility to dispel any misleading exchanges or gestures. But when he turned, Xander´s face was so close, his eyes so dark and wide, that William lost himself. He felt his lips part as if he was in a dream.
When Xander suddenly sprang to his feet, William jerked back in surprise. He felt his cheeks redden. Of course, he had been imagining intimacy where there was none, at least none of the impropriety he had ascribed to it. After a moment, he met Xander´s eyes and smiled. Xander stuck his hands in his pockets and rocked on his feet, grinning.
"I should get out of your hair, head back to the dorm," Xander said cheerfully. "So tomorrow we tutor?"
"Tomorrow, yes," William said. He cleared his throat to collect himself and stood alongside Xander. "I should give you a ride ––"
"It´s like a ten minute walk," Xander exclaimed. "No worries." He bounded towards the door, patted his pockets as if to make sure he has everything, and then gave William a cheery wave.
William stood still until the sound of Xander´s footsteps faded. Then he mechanically got ready to go to bed, doing his damnedest to ignore his erection.
